posted 09-13-03 08:54 PM CT (US)
Splash Splash screenplay 1 can be found I am currently contacting zyx about the original screenplay. And by the way, Key: Part I 2007 A lone figure stands in front of a memorial statue reading the names on the tablet it holds: “Dedicated to the brave people from AoKH who died fighting Fearless Leader” Aro As his eyes travelled down the list of names the driver walked over from the waiting car. Driver: A big storms coming in off the coast sir. The driver walked back to the car. “See the little Angels rise up” Figure: *sighs* The song, the song had been his idea. He’d remembered it from a Discworld book and started singing it. Gradually everyone else started singing it. Figure: See the little angels rise up, rise up, 2003 Newsreader: Our main news tonight, Fidel Castro the leader of Cuba has been over thrown. The man known only as fearless leader infiltrated Castro’s HQ early this morning and seized control. It is not known what happened to Castro. Danthered: Has anyone seen the news? Figure: How do they rise up, rise up, rise up 2003 Nav_2004: How did he even get to Cuba? Sky News Website Today the new ruler of Cuba, Fearless Leader demanded that he be made supreme ruler of the world and that some forumers from a computer game forum be handed over. Unless the demands are met he says he will destroy cities on the US mainland. The group of forumers are from the Age of Kings Heaven forum. Fearless Leader said they know who they are. Why he wants these people is unknown. AoKH Forums Ghost of Caesar: He wants us! CC: We've got you now! The whole place turns black. zyxomma100: But... what the... Dark_Aro: Be right back. I'll check with Zen. zyxomma100: Damn the mods! (*lightning bolt hits me*) Let's start a new story! Thus the second splash splash militia is formed. View changes to FL in his secret hideout. Confused Deer: Oh fiendish one, you were very lucky to escape... FL shines headlights in Confused Deer's eyes. CD stands still. Pauken: O great one, when will you free your obedient underling? Back at the new thread. zyxomma100: Perfect! Do you like it guys? I decorated it myself! Dave runs out the door only to be lifted into the air by a net. Dave: Aiiiiiii! zyx brings Dave down from the net. zyx: Here, take this map. You need to follow these complicated dance steps to get through the booby traps I set up. Dave waltzes away. Adder: So, how many villagers should we allocate to each resource in preparation for our attack? Outside, a scream is heard. zyx: Let me shut off their power... zyx leaves to go to the basement. Aro: Zen said no. Narrator: Is the HG staff always this slow? How will this screenplay survive without the colorful character of Nabrimn? Have I changed identities since last screenplay? Will zyx turn off the power in time to save Dave? Yes, for purposes of future installments! Narrator: We continue to find the splashers making important decisions at their new thread... GoC: Pepperoni! Darkmaster: We need more time to think about this! Regis, how much time do we have left. ****** zyx enters. zyxomma100: Hey guys! Hey Lawngnome, what's that you have on that sheet of paper? Pepperoni, cheese, anchovies... Great idea! I'll add them to my stew! Narrator: What's up with the short update? Has zyx run out of ideas, or is it something more fiendish? kevin: Hi all! CC holds up poster: Any information, please report to the Seraph, ******************************************* This summer, prepare to be stunned. musiclover482's latest classic. "One star and five thumbs down!" and forever reme ******************************************* narrator: when we last left, kevin was running away from the splashers Darkmaster: Ugh! Hours of searching maps and nothing to indicate anything! Lawngnome comes busting in. Lawngnome: Hey, guys! HG's rush found a strange cave located in Bosnia. It was highly defended, and it is only because buildings don't auto-target sheep that we found it... Unfortunately, we lost all contact with the sheep soon afterward. Later... Nabrimn: So... why am I chained to a wall again? Nabrimn runs out of the thread, only to be chased by Barney the Dinosaur. Narrator: Does HG have nuclear missles? If so, isn't that against international law? Would the splash splash militia use them if given the chance? Whatever happened to Kevin? What is the meaning of life? Tune in next time... narrator: We join our splashers as they wonder what Nambrim is doing. Well, technicly we know Nambrim runs into broom closet. Crazy pyromaniac Nambrim is actually..... A crazy pyromaniac that knows karate! Phase one of nambrim's plan involves going to the Algerian city of In Salah and buying a sitar. Nambrim: Hey all! I'm new to In Salah! Can I have a sitar? AlgerianMafia_Leader: what do you want? ***************************** Narrator: While Nabrimn is planning to obtain nukes by visiting In Salah, the splashers do some sluthing on thier own. Joe Henderson: So.... zyx, why did we come to Washington D.C. again? later...... narrator: meanwhile, we join nabrimn in Rise of Nations Heaven...... narrator: night sets in washington. zyx: ready all? *hands out black suits and guns* scene switches to White House kelar: //zyx, 2 goons, heading your way!\\ kelar: //adder, goon, left\\ zyx: //ok, lets roll\\ Colin Powell: Acckkk!! *is knocked out by dave* splashers quickly take out people in room dave: is everyone through? Adder: Yah! yah! take that *throws punches and swipe kicks* *several gunshots heard* spalshers brake into oval office Bush dave: Here, next to a copy of Empire Earth *presses button* ******************************************* For more books by these authors... by zyx: Narrator: We continue to find the splash splash militia carefully plotting how to stop the nuke from hitting HG. Let's check in how they're doing... CC runs into a television monitor. zyx: My bad. Seriously guys, how do we stop that ICBM... Everyone magically calms down. Joe: We could just let the nuke hit HG and be done with OD. After all, it won't affect us, seeing we have formed an independent country. Later, at a hospital wing. Kevin: Geez, guys, when I meant hug I didn't mean to squeeze me to death. The scene instantly turns into a riot in the hospital, leaving the splashers open mouthed. Joe (pulling CC out of riot): CC, stop it, you know the nuke isn't headed this way. The riot subsides. ************ zyx: I just had a great idea! We could steal the helicopter from the hospital and chase down the nuke! 2 minutes later, or 11 minutes, 56 seconds until nuke strike. The splashers are all at the heliport at the top of the hospital. CC (to pilot of helicopter): Move it! CC pushes pilot and crew out of helicopter. The splashers jump in. Darkmaster: Uh... does anyone know how to pilot a helicopter? Sure enough, Kevin is able to pilot the helicopter using only his feet. 2 minutes later... zyx: There's the nuke! All the splashers except Kevin jump on the missile. KeLar: So... why did we jump again? KeLar redirects the nuke. CC: Now what? The splashers jump... They fall... and land in Kevin's helicopter. Kevin: w00t! Back at Bosnia... Nabrimn (whistling, planting firecrackers): What's that sound? The nuke explodes after hitting Nabrimn. Narrator: What will become of Nabrimn? Why did the nuke have a control panel? Do you get the feeling this installment has been composed of random actions by the splashers? Did FL get hit in the blast? If Kevin was in critical condition, how could he pilot a helicopter? Find out next time... Narrator: We continue to find an atomic bomb has just exploded by hitting Nabrimn... What happened? Let's go see... The smoke clears. Nothing is seen but a single finger sticking out of the rubble... Nabrimn: Damn it! That's no finger! Nabrimn runs to get some clothes. Nabrimn: Good thing I was wearing a helmet. Back at the splash splash thread.... Adder: *cries* (inside joke) Back at the White House. Bush: Hmm? I don't remember a thing! Back at the thread... Darkmaster: I'm hungry. zyx, when will those cookies be finished? last_visit2452885.2332!09-02-103 zyx: For me to finish everyone's cookies, I'll need your passwords. *laughs fiendishly* Joe pulls mask off zyx's face. FL's face is seen. FL: Drat, for lack of a Fearless runs out the door, only to be catapulted back to Bosnia. CC: If that was FL, where's zyx? A knock comes from the closet. zyx (muffled): Let me out! After zyx is let out... zyx: Whew, I was afraid these cookies would get cold while I was in there. Anyone want one? Narrator: Why would FL attempt something so foolish... New thread, but the same screenplay. Slight change in characters... Adder: So one-third of Bosnia has been destroyed, but we know FL is unaffected. CC manages to sneak some blue dye into the red paint can. Darkmaster: What's that smell? Simmy rushes to the kitchen. Joe: Hey guys, I got this great deal on the black market on weapons. I have weapons of every sort: guns, grenades, knives, swords, for the old fashioned people... Adder grabs a grenade and pulls the pin. Darkmaster: Or better yet, we could use these weapons to make an assault on FL's hideout! The grenade explodes. As the smoke clears, a figure is seen... Darkmaster: Damn it, Simmy! Your awful paint job chased Nabrimn away! He's the best military expert we have... Everyone tackles Simmy. Joe: The next time you try to go on-topic in this off-topic thread, we kill you. Narrator: So the splash splash militia has a new housekeeper. What new changes will SImmy bring to the thread? Will he redo the paint job? If he does, what color will it be? Who makes better cookies: zyx or Simmy? Why is Lawngnome listed as Lawngnome and not KeLar? When will the next moderator make an appearance? And what of the battle to come? How long will it take for the splash splash militia to get to Bosnia via Battering Ram? Is HG Mongol? If so, do they have Drill? How will the attack be initiated? What kind of defences does FL have? Will these questions never end? Tune in next time... [/w] ...and here are a few little things, here's some responses to the complaint of people not being in..... And a mini installment by Danthered: Joe: "When evil stalks upon the land, Danthered Danthered: "So fall in lads behind the drum, Danthered:*carries on humming the tune to over the hills and far away. Zyx: I hope he stops humming by the time we get to Bosnia. And now, all the doo doo that I get TC in Part II Kelar: so, simmy where are we? *scence switches to the floor of the Atlantic Ocean* *Ornlu and Manaxter dies* narrator: now, how will the three forummers save splash splash now? Why does kevin give Dark_blade such a huge part? Couldn't Philip just ban Khan Man? FYI, the armies of set do NOT rape Philip. Originally, they do, but I came to my senses and changed it **************************************** naroa0r2: m3anwHi1e..... yug1, da12c_131ade, nad ORnulk0o hIde in an deserteed therad, suddenly, sum set warriorz coem bye. warr10r1:0mfg! philz gotsz guD stuf in hiz offoce *scene swuchts 2 dungen, the 3 slapshers r chanied 2 wal, next 2 phi1* ---Cleveland--- I finally had a time to use mispelling Now, zyx's attempt to get them out of this mess: ********* Nabrimn: Why can't I get into the site... D'oh! Nabrimn types in "aok.heavengames.com" instead of www.aok.heavengames.com." The website pops up. Nabrimn: Now to contact Zen. Later... Narrator3: How will this conversation end? Will Zen ban Khan Man? Or will another method be devised? How can two people stand up against the entire Army of Set? Stay tuned... Now lets see if zyx can finish. Here's part one of his desperate attempt Nabrimn: Since you have absolutely no clue of what's going on, give me your mod powers so I can ban Khan Man. Narrator: Thus Nabrimn becomes a mod. Nabrimn: Now to ban Khan Man. Narrator: But as Nabrimn enters the website, he begins to get ideas... Nabrimn: What exactly goes on in the staff forums? Narrator: Nabrimn goes to the Staff Forums, as if you couldn't predict that. Nabrimn: Philip: *spews coffee and runs out of the forum screaming* Nabrimn: What surprised him? Oh well, now to check the threads. Whoa, DSoD is a secret mod? The staff has formed an anti-splash splash organization? And musiclover was deliberately added to the forum by the mods to disrupt the community? Tsk tsk... I'll have to use my halo powers and ban them all for violation of the CoC. All the mods get banned. Nabrimn: Perfect. Now to ban Khan Man. Nabrimn start Nabrimn: What! Narrator: So how in the world can two people stand up to the Armies of Set? Where exactly IS Khan Man's lair? What surprises lay in the archives of the staff forums? Narrator 4: so then, Nabrimn and Phlegm march off.... Fisherman 1: I think I got something.... Kevin: thanks for saving me guys! Good thing I had my goggles on! Narrator: later.... Fisherman: so.. You want our fleet of fishing ships to save AokH? later. Kevin: Why, they didn't have to throw me out! Well, they told me the Norway fisherman have a space in thier time, I bet they'll help me. *Back in the states* Kevin: Look Phlegm, I didnt fly the Concorde back here for nothing, I want to help. In the mod forum.... Philip: ok, phil, you are not going crazy, maybe the spray paint fumes got to you.... Namrimn can't become a halo... Just get a cup of coffee... Narrator: How will kevin save the forums? Now that hes a halo, are we all doomed? How could a fisherman line reach the bottom of the Atlantic? Find out, next time! Narrator: We continue to find Nabrimn and Kevin collaborating to break Khan Man's tyrantical rule. Kevin: King me. Narrator: Uh... maybe we'll get back to them. Meanwhile, in Khan Man's lair... Khan Man: Hmm, there have been rumors of AOKH growing. They might come back to defeat me. I must not let that happen! Soldiers! Go and kill the AOKH supporters. The soldiers leave. Back at the Staff Forum... Kevin: Ok, it's settled. We go together, you in charge of the military operations, I'll be comic relief. Narrator: What's up with the super short update? Do Nabrimn and Kevin know where Khan Man is? Will they get to him before his soldiers get to them? Is there a way to combine chess and checkers into one game? To be or not to be? Stay tuned... Narrator: We continue to find Nabrimn and Kevin marching on Khan Man. Nabrimn: C'mon, you're comedy relief. Do something. Narrator: Later, in a random field in Burkina Faso... Kevin: Told you we should have invested more money in maps and less in weapons... *Kevin falls into a large hole in the ground* Nabrimn: Good job, Kevin! You found Khan Man's base! I knew I brought you for a reason! ************** *inside the base* Nabrimn: Strange... no one here... Narrator: Suddenly, the Armies of Set appear. Random Soldier: You shall die! Narrator: The Armies of Set advance slowly on the duo... Nabrimn: You got that reading light? Nabrimn pulls an AoK CD out of his pocket. He shines the reading light on it, reflecting the light into the soldiers' faces. Nabrimn: You shall feel the wrath of our 0 HP units, infidels! The soldiers melt. Kevin: Give me my light back. *continues readin game manual* Narrator: With the Armies of Set destroyed, what challenges lie ahead of Nabrimn and Kevin? Is there a chance the other splashers could have an influence on the future battle? Why does Kevin carry a reading light with him? Is it in you? Stay tuned... Narrator: We join our heros again as they continue to try to defeat Khan Man. Kevin: Ok, see here the manual says that in case you are hunting for an evil forummer in Burnka-Faso, you should click the "find evil forummer button" in the university. Narrator: So, this way, they are able to locate the evil Khan Man. kevin: ahh!! Everyone: (mildly) yay.... kevin: you *throws punches* can't win *kicks* this! Khan Man: How appropriate.... *all forummers are resurected* Narrator: We join our heros again as all the splashers appear in the steel cage.... Kevin: hey! alright Phil! you can defuse the bomb! kevin: Ok, I will go! Narrator: so, Phil and kevin float out of Khan Man's lava pit and climbes onto land. Phil(climbing off of rock) Phil: Yeah! Nabrimn: Ok, we got a third down. We just need to scrounge the rest. [This message has been edited by kevo (edited 07-05-2005 @ 11:32 PM).]
Bitter past (screenplay II) is
Splash Splash Screenplay II: The Bitter past
Crystal Crown
Darkmaster
Gaiseric
Ghost of Caesar
Kelar
Kevin
Ornlu
Manaxter
Nav
Railroad
Zyxomma
Figure: Ok, I just want a little longer.
Driver: Very well, sir.
The figure looked down at the words on the base of the statue:
They sang it as they went to fight Fearless Leader for the final time.
See the little angels rise up high.
Flash back
We will bring you more on this later.
In other news…
AoKH Forums
Town Crier
Splash Splash III: A new beginning
DM: you mean about fearless leader?
Danthered: Yeah
Ghost of Caesar: I thought he was just something on here
Zyxomma100: How the hell could he escape from a computer
Danthered: What I want to know is, what is he doing in Cuba?
Part II
How do they rise up, rise up high.
Danthered: It might not necessarily be the same one that was on here.
Kevingamer_ACX: Hey, have you seen the news? Fearless Leaders made some demands!
Main Story
Towns Crier
Splash Splash
Zyxomma100: But why?
DM: The hell...
Danthered: What should we do?
Ornlu: Should we try and stop him
Aro: How can we stop him?
Dark_Aro: CLOSED!
Dark_Aro: CC's dialogue was the 2500th line in this screenplay. Sorry, guys.
GoC: But isn't saving the world a bit more important than saving bandwidth?
Joe: So now what?
Others: Yeah!
FL: I KNOW THAT!!
Confused Deer: So sorry to have induced your wrath, O mighty sir, fiendish one, master...
FL: I don't know, but I think I'll fatten him up a bit...
Yugi: What's that smell?
zyxomma100: The cookies! Here, someone take this paintbrush for a second!
Lawngnome: You know, it was a mistake letting zyx control this thread.
CC: That doesn't matter. It's our base nonetheless. We need to start over from the beginning and find out how to get to Fearless Leader.
Joe: Maybe we should send the HG army out to scout. Their treb may not be the fastest, but at least they can see far...
The Adder: Is it smart to trust them with anything? They'd just end up trebbing OD... Never mind, good idea.
AoC_DaVe: I'll go send the message.
zyx: Sorry 'bout that...
Lawngnome: Told ya.
********************************
Adder: Cheese!
Joe: Anchovy!
Regis: You mean he actually believes that old Millionaire show is on the air? Heh, I'd say we have another 5 seconds befores he returns from the old studio...
******
Dave: Whatever happened to chicken soup?
zyx: Too old-fashioned. See you guys later!
FL: What's that I hear?
Narrator: Where exactly IS Fearless Leader's hideout? How did Regis get into this installment? Stay tuned...
kevingamer enters
Adder: umm.....
Kelar: Hi?
kevin: Why the weirdness?
CC: umm... kevo', hate to break it to you, but........
kevingamer _AcX_
Reward 7500 cyber bucks
for the grave crime of bugging Phil
and pertending to be a Seraph
Dead or alive, 55% of body must be recognisable after the
Beating, torturing, and mutination for reward to be earned.
kevin: Hey guys! don't you remember how we used to be friends?
Tanneur99: I can remember whatever I want.
Adder: I'll remember you, after I get my 7500 bucks.
kevin: acckk!
splashers raise guns
kevin runs
narrator: Will kevin get away? well, you know he won't now, don't you?
why is zyx's cooking worse than my mom's?
How did kevingamer enter without getting killed by zyx's traps?
Dont put down that remote! Come back after these commercials!
*******************************************
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hq, what will he do now?
kevin runs to street in front of HQ
kevin: TAXI!
Dave runs up to kevin
Dave: HELP!!!
dogs catch up to Dave
The sound of Uzis break out from zyx's thread
Dave's body absorbs bullets heading for kevin
Dave: ARRRGGGGGG!!!!! *dies*
taxi comes
Kevin jumps in
driver: where to?
kevin:
driver: ok
driver takes off in other direction
kevin: hey!
driver turns around
driver turns out to be Phil
kevin: AAIIIIIEIEEE!!!
later...
kevin appears before tribunal, Jayhawk is the judge and Philip is the charger.
kevin: Wha? I did not-
Phil: Now, AJ, your not going to listen to him, eh?
kevin: hey don't I have-
Phil: no. and Jayhawk, after he threw shoes at me, he also tried to set
me on fire.
Jayhawk: Um..... ok..... two weeks
Phil: Why not a month?
Jayhawk: well, ok........
kevin: HEY!!!
kevin dissapears
*****************************************
narrator: If kevin is banned how is he writing this? (Bribing Adder with cyber money? -Edited by Adder)
kevin: prison walls and a rock, FYI
narrator: shut up, anyways. Will kevin get out? How did kevo' get across the lawn twice without being killed?
will kevin come back? Where are my underwear?
*****************************************
Narrator: We continue to find the splash splash militia poring over maps looking for where Fearless Leader's hideout might be.
Adder (looking at Darkmaster): Uh... That's the pizza we ordered.
CC: Yes, but he appears to have arranged his pepperoni into shapes resembling continents.
Darkmaster: No, that's a map I made of Venus. We must explore all possibilities...
zyxomma100: Cool!
Joe: What, the cave?
zyxomma100: No, I'm waiting for these dinner rolls to cool.
Adder: Seriously, though, we need to get an attack ready as fast as possible. Where's Nabrimn when you need him?
Nabrimn: I know, he's never there when you need him!
GoC: Use the head pointer we have given you to plot an attack against Fearless Leader, currently in a previously unknown cave in Bosnia. The coordinates are being downloaded to the microchip we have implanted in your shoe, to make sure we know where you are at all times.
Joe: Why the shoe?
GoC: It was easier than the foot.
Nabrimn: Done.
Adder: Ok, you can leave now.
Nabrimn (taking shoes off): I'm outta here!
CC: The teletubbies are here too.......
Adder: target practice? *everyone cocks guns*
DM: cant that wait till later? nambrim is running without his shoes....
GoC: Wait... Did I say shoe? I meant sock.
Adder (looking at paper being printed out): Nabrimn's plan is to nuke all of Bosnia.
zyx: Sounds good. Let's do it.
CC: Haven't you heard of international relations?
Joe: Well technically we aren't a nation...
CC: I guess you're right. but nambrim has a secret.
sitar salesman: Here *hands nambrim sitar*
Door slot opens.
Nambrim: to get in
Guard: |
Nambrim: *sigh* 2 g3+ 1|
Guard: 0, 7_3|
Guard: what do you want??
Nambrim: to get in
Guard: huh?
Nambrim: *sigh* to get in
Guard: oh, then do the acsess code
Nambrim: ok, *plays complicated algerian sitar piece*
Door opens
Nambrim: well, I want to know how to nuke Bosnia
AlgerainMafia_Leader: Ok, all of it? then you can do the ICBM solution *hands nambrim brochure*
Nambrim: ahhh..... Nuclear ICBMs....got it......
Narrator: Will nambrim nuke bosnia? What happened to kevingamer? Why the hell did nambrim jump into a closet? find out, next time!
*****************************
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*****************************
zyx: so we can get control of some nukes, dammit.
GoC: Look! its the washington memorial!
zyx: hmmm... I remembered it was a more whitish...... and taller..... and not made out of yellow bricks....
Adder: umm... I think we accidentally flew to Egypt.....
zyx: WHAT??? hmm... I thought it was a little warm.....
*everyone slaps forehead*
nav_2004: good, now we are in washington, now what?
zyx: we wait for night
Nabrimn: How much for an ICBM?
dealer: 2000 Knowledge 750 Oil
nabrimn:umm.... how does that transfer into Aok?
dealer: umm..... 3000 wood, 1500 gold
nabrimn: What? wow, well... I need to nuke all of Bosnia, how many do I need?
dealer: umm.... about 5
nabrimn: i dont have 15000 wood and 7500 gold... got anything cheaper?
dealer: Gravity powered H-bomb short range, 10000 wood and 7000 gold for a set of 3, enough to blow Bosnia.
nabrimn: too expensive....
dealer: well, A-bomb, short range, 1000 wood 500 gold, you need about 10.....
nabrimn: what can I get for 10 gold?
dealer: firecracker, very short range, needs 770000000000 to blow up bosnia.
adder: are you sure this will work?
zyx: of course! we have mission hq to talk to in these walkie talkies, right?
railroad: can we use secret code names?
Dave: yeah, names like Team Alpha and code blue are cool
Kelar: //team alpha, this is mission hq, are you ready for the raid?\\
zyx: //code blue, affirmitave\\
adder: see? told you we are cool
adder: dang, high security, and this is just the lawn....
zyx, dont worry, after MY lawn, this is nothing, look, theres a flaw.
Dave: oh, I see, those lasers are kill, not alarm trippers
zyx: Joe, go first
Joe: ok
adder: //mission control? could you find a flaw before zyx kills us all?\\
a scream is heard
kelar: //fine... do a right side scissors chop over the lawngnome, then do cartwheels until you get to the inner fence. After that, summersault over the rose bushes and do a tornado kick over the picket fence.\\
adder://'k\\
zyx: k, Goc, go first.
kelar://oh, did I say right? i meant left\\
*everyone slaps forehead*
Narrator: after going through secturity, they start a raid on the white house
zyx hides behind corner
goons approach
zyx bursts out, does tae kwon do kick and knocks both out
adder hides in closet
goons approach
adder suddenly opens door, door knocks out goon.
kelar: //dave, 3 goons, coming behind\\
dave opens fire, goons killed in fire fight
splashers burst into green room
zyx: attack!
zyx: no, the adder is having and intense judo duel with
Ashcroft and Rumsfield use lighting quick Kung fu moves, they pin adder to a wall and start beating on him
Adder: help!!!! ow, ow, help!! ow, ow,
zyx: well?
Rumsfield: yiiaaaa!!! *dies*
Ashcroft: aacckckk!!! *dies*
zyx: ok, ok, to the Oval office!
Bush:
zyx steps forward
zyx:
zyx: ok, now wheres the nuke button?
Radio: //Washingston, this is the USS natilus, you have pressed the nuke button, access code?\\
dave: umm... "i r winner"?
Natilus: Confirmed, select target
zyx: Umm, can you ship them to HG?
Natilus: Target, Heavengames LCC, Lake Villa Illinois, 122 N Cornell Ave. Affrimitive, Launching ICBM...
zyx: no! no!
natilus: On the way, time until impact, T minus 21 minutes, 34 seconds.
*everyone slaps forehead*
Narrator: How will they stop the missiles? Will this be the end of HG? ..and bush's presidency...? What does wood have to do with missles? tune in next time!
*******************************************
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1-2-3 seraph, tips on bribing Zen and getting gold
Beating people in Chess and destroying egos, a beginners guide
Juggling dangerous things, how to kill yourself
Photoshop for dummies, forging screenshots to pertend you made....ermm...
The best of 'Dear Phil'
********************************************
*splashers are running round in circles screaming*
KeLar: Panic!
Darkmaster: What can we do!
CC: Where's the exit!
zyx: Over there!
Darkmaster: Nuke!
zyx: Yeah... nuke from hitting HG?
Kevin: Nah, we can't do that. GSD and SD would get destroyed too.
zyx: You're back!
Kevin: That's right! C'mon, gimme a hug!
CC (mumbling to others): Good, he's out of the way.
Darkmaster: Great, so we have how long? About 15 minutes until the nuke hits?
Doctor: What! A nuke is about to hit! Panic!
Doctor: It isn't?
This message brought to you by Enron. That's right, we're still here, and now we're into financial advice!
************
KeLar: Although I see no reason to do it other than committing suicide, why not?
All splashers: Yay! We're going to chase a nuke, we're going to chase a nuke...
Joe: Hey, there's a guy in critical condition back here!
Kevin: Yeah, it's me.
CC: What happened!
Kevin: I was injured again in that riot.
KeLar: So how did you end up here? You were already in a hospital bed!
Kevin: True... The bed did come down with me in that 17 story fall.
CC: Out you go!
Kevin: Wait! I can pilot the helicopter!
Darkmaster: Kevin, bring the helicopter side-by-side with it!
CC: Almost there... We're right next to it! Everyone jump now!
CC: It sounded like the cool thing to do.
Darkmaster: You know, we might be able to stop this thing. Just open the control panel on the side...
zyx: Don't be stupid, nukes don't have control panels on the side...
KeLar: Found it. You know? I could redirect this thing to Bosnia and blow it up.
Darkmaster: Go ahead.
zyx: Let's jump.
KeLar: Ok.
Kevin: Look at this, guys! The atomic bomb has made world news!
CC (sarcastically): Wow, really? I thought the world would just ignore it.
KeLar: You know, that bomb did come from a US ship... No one knows it was us who ordered the launch.
Powell: Well you'll have a lot of explaining to do! Launching a nuke at Bosnia, no matter how much it was needed, may cause you to lose the presidency!
zyxomma: Soon. I'm making personalized cookies for everyone! For example, here's the beginning of mine!
Joe: You're not zyx! *gasp* That can only mean...
FL: The word is fiendish.
Narrator: ...as to enter the enemy's lair? How did he...
FL: AHEM!!! SHE!!!
Narrator: find the splasher's thread? How did Kevin magically recover from his several bone fractures...
Kevin: Hey! It was mostly the internal organ failures!
Narrator: ...that quickly? Tune in later...
All: NEXT TIME!!!!!
Narrator: ...to find out! Whew...
Narrator: We continue to find the splash splash militia pondering their next course of action.
Simmy: Move over Adder. I'm giving this place a new paint job. How could you survive with these awful colors?
zyx: I never got around to painting. I was too busy baking. But now that you control the thread...
Simmy: I get to choose the paint job. Move over.
Simmy: Oh my! The cake must be burning!
zyx: Are you thinking what Im thinking...
Joe: I know! I got these so cheap, we could sell them and make a huge profit!
zyx: I know! We could gain what, 200, maybe even 300%!
Adder: Maybe we could play war!
Adder (tossing grenade behind back): Great idea!
Lawngnome: Actually, that was u...
GoC (placing hand over Lawngnome's mouth): What was he thinking?
Lawngnome: But GoC, it was u...
CC (tackling Lawngnome): ...uber stupid! Yeah, how uber-stupid can you get?
Lawngnome: But it wasn't B...
Adder (pointing gun at Lawngnome): ...Beatles. The Beatles didn't do it, of course.
Lawngnome: Oh, now I get what you guys are trying to tell me! Nabrimn, it wasn't us that broke into the White House and accidentally redirected a nuke to land in Bosnia. (gives fake smile)
Nabrimn: What the )&*^$&^))^%&%...
zyx (knocking Lawngnome out): We're so sorry, Nabrimn. We didn't mean to...
Nabrimn: If you didn't drop the nuke on me, who did?
Later...
Simmy: Fair enough.
CC: Hey guys, I found us transportation into Bosnia. I commandeered some Battering Rams from HG...
Yugi: Hi.
Dr Peppa: Hey.
Railroad: Hello.
DaVe: y0.
meanwhile.....
railroad: Hey look!
Dave: huh?
Ornlu: Candy for sale!
Dr Peppa: hurrah!
Yugi: lets go! I got quarters!
Simmy: Like what?
Danthered: "When duty calls me I must go,
To stand and face another foe.
But part of me will always stray,
Over the hills and far away"
I'll nyther hold nor stay me hand.
But fight to win a better day,
Over the hills and far away."
& Joe: "If I should fall to rise no more,
Like many comrades did before.
Ask the pipes and drums to play,
Over the hills and far away."
With colours blazing like the sun.
Along the road to come what may,
Over the hills and far away."
Narrator: When will the Splash Splash militia get to Bosnia? and will Danthered ever stop humming that annoyingly catchy tune. *Starts humming over the hills and far away.*
WHAT IS IT WITH THAT SONG?????
Simmy: well, I plan on driving east across the USA. We start in Chicago, because thats where the servers are. We have driven for around 4 hours, and at the ram speed of 30 mph, we are 120 miles from Chicago. Thats sets us at cleveland.
DM: so, danthered sang all through the Ohio Turnpike?
Simmy: well....yeah
Kevin: arrgg.. *throws Danthered out of the ram*
Danthered: AIIEEE!!!!!
zyx: *is bored*
nav2004: hey! lets play the lisence plate game!
DM: no. *throws nav out of ram*
Gaiseric: now the ram is lighter!
KeLar: *throws Gaiseic out of ram*
*gaiseric dies*
kevin: well, theres another name on the tombstone
zyx: hey, why are you making everyone die, kevin?
kevin: well I wanna *takes off mask*
Khan Man: end this screenplay!
*everyone gasps*
zux: thats why the spelling iz s0 bad!1
Khan Man: yes, Goc is already dead, now gaiseric is gone. just a couple more...
Ornlu: then where's kevin?
That personally is my favorite part
*back to the ram*
zyx: tackle him!
*zyx dies*
*Aro, Crystal Crown, Darkmaster, Kelar, Nav, and Railroad dies*
Khan Man: hahahahah!!!!
*screenplay ends*
Dark_Blade: I am practicly the only one still alive. Due to the fact that no one knows me and I am unpopular. Now, It is my destiny to save the splashers!
Dave: and I will help!
Yugi: Us three will save the spashers! *uses quarters to model wormhole*
Back at the ram:
Khan Man: Now I have the power!! *makes Philip close thread*
eveywhere goes dark
Khan Man: ha ha!
*Armies of Set invade TC, now nearly empty*
Khan Man: BURN!! PILLAGE!!! RAPE!!!
*Armies of Set proceeds to burn, pillage, and rape the few people alive and inatimate objects*
Philip: hey! what are you doing? get out of my office, don't touch that! that's french! No! stop burning the building! hey no put me down!! why are you taking me to a dungeon? no not the Grafitti! not the Grafitti! I am the Seraph of Age of Kings heaven put me dow- ahhh!!!!!!!!!
*fade out* Now they simply sprayed grafitti all over him. Not very interesting, I know And why am I, the narrator rambling on? well..... find out next time! sorta....
Narrator: we come back to find our- acckk!! *dies*
Khan Man: ha ah! now I will make this place a n00b cental!!1
narater2: n00oo0@!!
DanthR3ed: teh spEalling Iz geattIng Wo0rs3!
kahn man; jah ha han!11
da12k_blsade: woah... look what happened 2 this fo0rum!
yoogi: com0n, lets h1de s0 we don geat killed
ornloo; g00d 1dea
warir2: yha
wrior3:hay, l0ok!, some peeple
wraorior2: geet them
warriores: CHEAGE!@!!!111
narrator2: and a intese karatee mathch ensuez, and teh wrrioz win
yUg1: *cries8
kAHN man: haha u thinc u cna get teh beats uv mee??/ worng, i r teh rox0rz, u r futile!!!11 l0ok who i also got!
*scenne swithces 2 adjacent wal, chined there r Fearles leder and confuzed dee12*
09nuou: 8gasp*
khan man: ur suposed 2 B ded
0nulu: o yea *dies again*
KM: ha ha! now begin teh m00vie!
*movie scerren plays "eXit wounds" and "finding nem0"
every1: npoooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!
*fade out*
Nambrim: hmmm... The splashers should've came already....
narrator2: yes! they are in big trouble!
Nambrim: I think I hear something.... nah....
narrator2: yes you do! save the splashers!!!
nambrim: hmm... I have a feeling that something is wrong *takes out laptop* types in "www.aok.heavengames.com" *gasp! "409 error; site has been taken over by evil armies of set and needs your help!"
nambrim: This can only mean one thing!
narrator2: yes....
nambrim: the sites down, well, I'll just have to wait!
narrator2: *slaps forehead* wait that doesn't help, *slaps nambrim*
nambrim: ow!
*******************
want to advertise? order a commercial!
Nabrimn: All right! My automatic spell checker has finally been loaded! Now I can actually read what's going on!
Narrator2: Hey get AoM... Ack, NO!!!!!!!!
*Narrator2 is killed by the splashers*
*********
Nabrimn: Namely, the fact that I've threatened to introduce my evil Kman clones all over HG if you don't help.
Zen: Well, yes...
Nabrimn: Couldn't you just ban Khan Man?
Zen: Yes.
Nabrimn: Why don't you?
Zen: Why should I?
Nabrimn: Because banning him solves our problem right away!
Zen: What problem?
Nabrimn: That AOKH has been taken over!
Zen: Oh yeah, that problem!
Nabrimn: So just ban Khan Man!
Zen: Why?
Zen: No, no, no... I can't do that. Only the most mature foummers can handle the awesome responsibilities of being a mod. For example, you must follow some basic ethics, and you can't abuse your powers, such as changing people's names without their consent...
Narf: Give me the mod powers.
Zen: Uh uh. I'm not going to be part of your plan.
Nabrimn (typing): That should do it. Now are you going to come, or do I have to do worse?
Phlegm: Damn it.
Nabrimn (dancing with Phlegm): We're going on a raid, we're going on a raid...
Phlegm: Yay?
Phlegm: Oh great.......
Meanwhile, near the Azores Islands off the coast of Africa in the Atlantic Ocean......
Fisherman 2: Lets hope its not another shark.
Fisherman 4: Remember what happened to 3 last time?
Fisherman 3: Of all the places for that shark to bite me....
Fisherman 1: that's what adoption is for. *gets punched*
Fisherman 4: hey the reel is spinning, lets pull it in.
*fishermen pull in Kevin, tied to a cement block.
Fisherman 2: umm.....
Fisherman 3: lets go back to the Azores....
Kevin: yes.
Phlegm: No, of all the people, you. No way.
Kevin: you made Nabrimn one!
Phlegm: so?
Kevin: that's it *kicks Phlegm in the nads*
Phlegm:
Phlegm: ok, ok! I'll make you a Halo!
Kevin: yeah! *types*
Zen: I'm warning you if.... hey! I'm Zen again!
Kevin: You're Welcome. *runs off*
Kevin: *walks in* Hi phil!
Philip: *spews coffee and runs out of forum screaming, again*
Kevin: hmm... Strange fellow Phil is.. I wonder why he's a mod. oh well.
Nabrimn: Wait, no, no, no. You can't do that.
Kevin: What do you mean I can't!? I jump over this piece, I become a king.
Nabrimn: You can only have one king.
Kevin: Since when?
Nabrimn: Since we decided to play chess.
Narbimn: Perfect...
*Kevin drops anvil on Nabrimn*
Nabrimn: Oww... I was thinking more along different lines...
Kevin: Okay. *makes funny faces*
Nabrimn: YOU try making a military budget with only 5 gold.
Kevin: Didn't your days at GSD teach you anything? Trash units -- Hussars, Halberdiers...
Nabrimn: Shut up.
Kevin: So anyway, we're stranded in Burkina Faso, and we have absolutely NO clue where Khan Man is...
Kevin (dazed): You're... welcome...
Have you forgotten the counter units? Do you need to know how to take a screenshot? Need to know how to make a villager? Then get the
**************
Kevin: That's cliche. WHy not try something more original, like...
*Nabrimn knocks Kevin with a moose head*
Kevin: Good idea. *starts reading
Nabrimn: Give me that.
Soldiers: Argh... no...
Nabrimn: There's a "find evil forummer button"?
Kevin: This is what you get if you don't read the manual.
Khan Man: No! you found me! now I must kill you! Charge reserve Armies of Set!
Nabrimn: QUICK! kevin, where's that reading light?
kevin: the energizer ran out. It was arrested for Battery.
nabrimn: *slaps forehead*
Narraotr: Our heroes are surrounded! What will they do?
*Norwegian fishermen charge into lair*
khan man: what?
kevin: oh yeah! I forgot about those dudes!
nabrimn: nooo!!!
Regis: Oh the humanity!
*blade flies out of nowhere and kills a set warrior*
khan man: huh?
and there was much rejoicing!
Phil, not knowing what to do, pressed a bunch of buttons on the control panel. Setting off 5 volcanic explosions around the world, sending an doomsday astroid towards Earth that will hit in 3 weeks, and starting an atomic bomb that will blow in 40 minutes.
kevin: no Phil, press some more buttons!
*disco ball comes down and starts spinning*
nabrimn: try the blue one!
*Khan man magnifies to 5 times his size and strength and proceeds to kill nabrimn*
nabrimn: (his last words) arrgg... the yellow one...
*Atom bomb timer drops to 20 minutes and starts ticking*
kevin: *slaps forehead*
Phil: Look, I'm doing my best! *presses orange button*
Narrator: hence, Phil presses the "Steel cage free-for-all Judo Deathmatch button"
Phil: go kevin! *presses another button*
*music plays*
Music: Everybody wants kung-fu-fighting! didididididididi Those boys are fast as lightning! didi.....
kevin: look elvis!
khan man: i aint faliing 4 taht
kevin: dang spelling gettingworse n0w tat nmambrim is ded
kevin; umm.... bambi?
khan man: i hate bambi
kevin: look! a distraction!!
khan man: where?
kevin: 8kicks khan man*
khan man: oww!!
music: everybody wants kung-fu fighting! dididi,.....
kevin: what?
FL: htat will show joo to imprison me!
khan man (melting in lava) : N0O0o0o0o
CD: hahaha!
FL: come, CD, we will go back to bosnia!
kevin: hey guys!
FL: no! the only reason I aint killing you too is because I can't fly across lava and jump into the cage. ciao.
Narrator: So the day is saved! Thanks to: CD, FL, and kevin!
Part 3, back in the hunt for Fearless leader.
Kevin: ok, now they locked us in with an atom bomb that will blow up in.... 5 minutes
*everyone panics*
CC: AHHH!!!!
zyx: what will we do??
railroad: I didn't get resurected just to be killed again!
Aro: hey railroad, shut up
railroad: *cries*
DM(fromacross the cage) : AHHH!!!
Phil: ok, ok, I am the offical leader here! Adder, kevin, ornlu and Dave! Put DM down! we are not throwing people into the lav- Hey! put me down! ahhh!! *Phil lands on a piece of land floating on lava*
GoC: no he can't
Phil: hes right I dont even know how Khan Man's terror-pro 500txx works....
Danthered: ok, I will help him *throws self into lava*
A scream is heard, all forummers look away
CC: no! me!
kevin: CC...
CC: what?
kevin: c
CC: *is plunged into deep thought*
kevin: *throws self onto Phil's chunk of drifting rock*
Phil: hey kev!
k, how much timedo we have?
Kevin: 1:02
Phil: uh oh...
kevin: comon, *opens bomb lid*
phil: ok, kevin, that right....
kevin: *sweating* lets see... the circut comes here,then goes here... hmmm.... 0:45
kevin: I got it!
Phil: you did?
Kevin: yeah! this is a radio! the real bomb is over there!
Phil: *slaps forehead*0:29
kevin: *takes lid off bomb* hmm.. U235...
Phil: that blue wire connects the circut board to that router.
kevin: right, so that means... hm... the pallets are perfectly balenced, Red or orangs or blue, or green....0:14
kevin: Got it! We cut the rainbow wire!
*the bomb is diffused*0:03
and there was much rejoicing!
everyone (mildly) :yay....
kevin: w00t!
zyx: Ok, now to get out of here, hey lets use that exit!
DM: good idea!
kevin: ok, now to just stop the astroid about to hit earth in.... 17 days.
CC: I know, we could use FL's ubber1337 mega laser!
Dave: Right!
Ornlu: all right, now to get to Bosnia, get in the ram, all.
zyx: We can't go to Clevland, it was destoryed by one of the 5 volcanic blasts.
nav: Oh, yeah, what cities were destoryed by Phil again?
Phil: well... I indirectly set off Mt St. Helens, talking out Seattle. Mt. Fuji, taking out most of Japan. Vesuvius, taking out Rome and Herculanius. I also took out Hawaii and Indonisia. Cleveland was taken out by the previously unknown "Mount Cleveland"
nabrimn: then why odnt we just fly?
Kevin: Why don't we just use "find evil forummer"?
Nabrimn: Oh yeah...
Feel free to try a hand at this
¯\/\\evo'_____________________________________
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"i get more IM's from AOL System Message than from everyone else"-Anonymous
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