Guess what time is?


Episode 10: Let’s Do Our Best!
We open on Fubuki panting as she runs. The panting is suggestive. (-1)

Not promising, episode. Not promising.

0:08 – “Heave-ho!” Cells at Work! flashbacks. (+1)

Anyway, Mamiya-san is putting up a door or beam or something on her restaurant. She has parfaits and curry to sell, dammit! Anyway, she says hi to Bucky, who stumbles adorably like it’s Episode 3 again. Also, despite running at 1080p, everything looks like it’s shot through Vaseline on the lens.

0:32 – Flashback to just after the end of last episode. Remember that Fubuki, dejected that Poipoi got a remodel and she didn’t, finally got her wish after the Naval District was bombed flat. Apparently Foob will be vital in the next battle.

00:51 – Another flashback to the end of the pilot, where the admiral met Fubuki just after getting posted. So she’s gonna run another lap. Good for you, Bucky. It’s not easy. I usually only do one around campus. Granted, that’s something like three miles and in this weather… and hell, Friday I had to do my laps in the podium tunnels. But those are too small.

Right, boats.

2:36 – Hiryuu and Souryuu are being debriefed by Nagato and Mutsu (get your minds out of the gutter; that kind of stuff goes in Episode 8 with Beach Popey). They apparently spotted a Wo-class carrier with… red eyes. But New Antagonist had blue eyes. And yellow eyes before that. Well, maybe there’s a second carrier, but I will take points off if they can’t keep up on their own damn episodes.

Anyway, they identified the group with this ship as the one that bombed the base, but their recon flights lost them. That paucity of intel means they can’t figure out where they’re operating from, meaning no snuffing out the problem at the source.

2:54 – Nagato takes this as the cue to reread the orders for the benefit of the audience. “Use the full power of our combined fleets to strike Abyssal Base AF, lure in the enemy carrier group, and eliminate them.”

Oh, holy boats. So, this is where Popey’s criticism definitely picks up steam. AF was the IJN codename for Midway Island, specifically the American military base there. With that knocked out or occupied, the Japanese would basically have controlled the seas up to Hawaii. Indeed, the Battle of Midway happened because we had cracked the Japanese codes, tricked them into revealing AF’s identity, and then sent our three remaining carriers against theirs.

And another part of the strategy for attacking it was luring the surviving American carriers (Yamamoto thought there were two, in reality USS Yorktown was still afloat and being repaired as quickly as possible at Pearl Harbor) and destroying them, putting an end to their hit-and-run raids as well as a significant threat to the Combined Fleet. And going back to Episode 7, “During the Battle of the Coral Sea one month earlier, the Japanese light carrier Shōhō had been sunk, while the fleet carrier Shōkaku had been severely damaged by three bomb hits and was in drydock for months of repair. Although the fleet carrier Zuikaku escaped the battle undamaged, she had lost almost half her air group, and was in port in Kure awaiting replacement planes and pilots. That there were none immediately available is attributable to the failure of the IJN crew training program, which already showed signs of being unable to replace losses. Instructors from the Yokosuka Air Corps were employed in an effort to make up the shortfall.”

Yeah.

However, it’s easy to see something told from the losing side’s perspective that doesn’t slate them as apologist or romanticizing. I do, however, believe there’s some element to it here. Perhaps not as deep and insidious as some have claimed (and I don’t mean Popey, I mean other articles out there have tried to call this far-right propaganda), but there’s some. One can point out that Kantai Collection actually does feature ships of the Allied Powers as shipgirls, who are friendly, competent, and interesting characters. The US Navy is quite well represented, having just gained USS Johnston, one of the legendary destroyers of Taffy-3. There’s also USS Iowa, USS Saratoga, USS Intrepid, USS Gambier Bay, and USS Samuel B. Roberts. So three of six are from the famous Taffy-3 task force that took on Yamato and forced her to retreat. All three, also, were sunk. Of the remaining three, all are capital ships, two are preserved as museums that exist to this day, all survived WW2… and poor Saracchi was nuked.

Alongside Nagato, Sakawa (she’s not in the show), and Prinz Eugen… and a ton of other American ships who aren’t yet implemented in the game.

However, when this anime was released, the only non-Japanese ships were Bismarck and Prinz Eugen, both Kriegsmarine warships. So, is the rush to release American, British, French, Allied-service Italian (actually added during the show’s run on TV), and Swedish warships a response to the backlash? Always part of the plan? Or maybe a response to Western audiences’ positive reaction to the anime and trying to expand their appeal? I don’t know. And I’m willing to give the show the benefit of the doubt, and say it portrays moeified WW2 battles from the Japanese side. However, there are later plot points that do poke holes in the “Allies forces = inhuman Abyssals” rhetoric. But, without having foreknowledge of what’s to come, I can absolutely see and understand why a lot of people have reactions ranging from cautious fascination to genuine outrage based on that supposition.

Okay, enough talk. BACK TO BOAT GIRLS BOATING GIRLILY.

3:15 – And Mutsu just basically told everyone that the shipgirls don’t actually know what AF is. The admiral did, but he’s gone! See? They can’t be the IJN! Yamamoto wasn’t this damned stupid. (-1)

3:26 – So after ominous soft piano, we join Foob and Friends at Destroyer School. Because Yuudachi had her growth spurt, the desk is too small for her. Akatsuki also tries to argue this, but is promptly shot down.

3:36 – Meanwhile, Fubuki is trying to get notes from Yuudachi on how to remodel. Mutsuki steps in, confirming this has been an ongoing process from our MC. Apparently, Fubuki is has been training non-stop to “increase her level” and improve her skills to push along her Kai Ni. And it’s starting to take a physical toll. Concerned Mutsuki is very concerned.

4:04 – Boats not found.

Instead we see the sun shining in the blue sky—oh, there’s Fubuki! After telling us how much she trains, now we watch her at another training session under Tone’s supervision, just like in the beginning. Granted, she’s staying on her own two feet… or rudders? Screws? Her weird boat shoes, okay?

She wipes the targets with ease and asks for more. And again. Watching from the shore are Mutsuki and Inazuma, the latter of which opines that Bucky’s “gotten really good.” But Mutsuki, as the chew toy who cares about Fubuki, knows something horrible will happen if this keeps up because even if she doesn’t sortie, life will punish Mutsuki through her loved ones.

4:48 – This is worth noting. Yuudachi’s has several lines, consecutively, over the last few scenes… without a single poi! (+1)

Headpats for good girls!

4:58 – The café is officially reopening… but Bucky’s too busy! Gotta train more! And Mutsuki is depressed.

5:12 – In fact, Fubuki runs right past Akagi and Kaga… and doesn’t even squee at the sight of the former. Even Kaga says this is goddamned weird. That, in turn, leads Akagi to notice a forlorn Mutsuki, staring off after her running friend. Also, really beautiful sunset lighting. Some of the setpieces in this show are absolutely outstanding and don’t get enough credit because “muh boats” or “muh ecchies” or whatever. But the art can be really great. (+1)

5:38 – So Nagato is scrambling someone to check out the MI threater… and Mutsu throws in, “Don’t go in too deep.” Okay, sound advice, recon until you meet resistance and—
“And watch out for fires.” Yeah. I know that’s one of your game lines, but… (-1)

It’s so out of place it’s actually more annoying than 90% of the “poi” we’ve had so far. The remaining ten percent were also stupid and out of place.

Ah, they’re talking to old Torpedo Squadron Three. Which was disbanded. I guess it was reassembled after breaking up Fifth Fleet? Fine. I guess. Anyway, yes, their job is only to find out which base (which is… capitalized in the subs) is AF. Nothing more. Other fleets are out scouting, including a very cold and angry Sipia to the north (WELL PUT SOME DAMN CLOTHES ON).

So the strategy is, “Poke various hornets’ nests until something comes out in force to sting.” Botes… I really try to give you the benefit of the doubt. I really do. Y U SO STUPID (-1)

6:23 – After the briefing, while musing with Mutsu about why the admiral is so fixated on Fubuki, Nagato lets slip that she’s not that special. Even if she is remodeled, “she won’t change that much.” Ruh-roh!

So Mutsu asks if Naga’s jealous, pointing out “the admiral has strange ideas sometimes.” YOU MEAN HE’S A FILTHY LOLICON SNAILBOAT.

Tiddy bounce on Nagato and… I some weird siscon stuff. (-1)

What the hell, guys? Come on. I sing your praises for 8/9 episodes and this is how you repay me going into the final act?

7:03 – Naka is singing on patrol. She better get shot.

Oh, good. Jintsuu told her to stuff it. Good girl, Jintsuu.

7:22 – So after searching and searching and finding nothing, just as they’re gonna turn back… Foob spots a baddie plane. And it’s taking pictures.

7:28 – “They’re definitely found us.” ONLY KONGOU GETS TO DO BAD ENGLISH AND ONLY IN THE SPOKEN DIALOG, NOT SUBTITLES DESS NE! (-1)

7:30 – Shut up Naka. It’s a recon plane, it’s not taking paparazzi photos. I’m so disappointed your shrine is near Ooarai of all places.

Anyway, Jintsuu makes the decision to pull out of the area. They have limited AA capability and are just a trio of light cruisers with three escorting destroyers. But, sure enough, after a while their tail gets close enough to be spotted. And while Naka whines, Yuudachi’s comment is grin and say “Our only choice is to start a wonderful party.”

This is another shipgirl line from the game, exclusive to Yuudachi’s Kai Ni form. However, unlike Mutsu’s line earlier this is:
1.Contextually appropriate.
2.Pretty badass.
3.Has no poi!
Therefore… (+2)

7:59 – Shells come roaring in and the battle is joined. They fire on Jintsuu first, but it’s not a huge fleet. And they don’t have much choice if they’re gonna get away.

8:19 – However, Fubuki’s thoughts turn inward. “If I defeat them here, my skill level will be…” Yep. She’s going full-on glory hound.

And Mutsuki sees it coming and is scared.

8:23 – So Foob shots out in front, saying she’ll take point. “Watch me, Commander. I’m going to get them.” She starts blasting away, and hits a cruiser. Just one small problem… light cruisers are basically built for slaughtering destroyers. And that thing just pours on the fire until a round slams Fubuki in the back like a clone trooper who just received Order 66.
Both Mutsuki and Sendai rush toward her but are interdicted by artillery fire. Sendai orders Fubuki back, but Bucky says she’s fine even though she’s definitely badly damaged.


Basically, Fubuki is yelling at them not to steal her kill. The CL is a one-shot for her and it looks kinda dormant. So she closes in…

9:12 – And gets blasted for her troubles by one of the other Abyssal ships. Now she’s a one-shot kill. She can’t even stand as she aims her gun. But… then she’s on her feet and sailing in as the wounded cruiser looks at her and snarls. And fires one more time, right in Der Fubuki’s Face. “No way…”

Distant overhead shot of an explosion and smoke rising toward the camera. And a slap for bad continuity. (-1)

9:54 – Ah, Fubuki is in the bath. Guess she lived. And… unfortunately, pausing for the time code is revealing more than I care to see. (-5)

No, no, unlike Andromeda, they haven’t actually given her nipples and labia on the character model. But, still, nekkid 15-year animu loli. Stop it. Please. Just… stop it. I know it’s a game mechanic, but there are ways to frame and block the scenes.

On the very slim benefit of the doubt, they’re really not portraying this as sexy nudity. But Jesus.

10:04 – After noticing Fubuki is awake, Mutsuki—fully clothed, I hate that I have to add that—runs into the bath and embraces Fubuki while bawling her eyes out with gratitude that her friend survived. Sendai informs us (and Bucky) that the last shot just missed her. And, yes, if it had hit—and Sendai is smiling for some reason—it would have sunk her to the bottom.

10:20 – And Fubuki’s reaction… is to push Mutsuki off her and interrogate her as to whether or not the Abyssal cruiser was sunk by Bucky’s guns. It was not; she missed. And Mutsuki was… really, really put off by that. And when Fubuki says, “I see. I thought I almost had them…” she gets pissed.


And now fresh tears join the fury. Remember, Mutsuki’s sister died in battle… and she wasn’t even actively hurling herself into danger above and beyond her duties. Fubuki was seeking glory and “kills.”

“You can’t fight, or walk, or talk with everyone, or do anything! You won’t even be able to regret it… you’ll just disappear into the sea.”

The animation is… really well-done on Mutsuki’s face and provides some serious emotional punch. Indeed, I went from wanting to punch the lolicon animators to wanting to punch the loli! Seriously, Bucky… you were a massive jerk to Mutsuki this whole episode. This chewing-out is exactly what you deserve. (+6)

11:04 – Mutsuki’s statement is more of a desperate plea. “I don’t want that to happen again! When I think about losing you like I lost Kisaragi-chan…” She can’t go through that again. She just can’t.

11:25 – Anyway, post-battle analysis shows that the base they scouted must be the major target. Meaning they can deploy something a bit more hefty than a light screening unit. So yes, now we know that Base MI is Target AF. Dammit, Nagamon, I said that earlier!
And the Ooyodo picks up some weird interference on her radio that leads to a dramatic cut!

11:59 – And the cut is to Mutsuki sulking on a cliff in the dark of night. Again, as franchise chew toy, she really has a good amount to sulk about. And before we cut to commercial, Fubuki walks up and says, “We need to talk.”

…This better not get ecchi or I swear I will beat people.

12:18 – Ah, good. Also prowling in the dark are Ooi and Kitakami. Ooi is very happy to be “all alone with Kitakami-san in a dark place like this!” Bitch, are you her wannabe girlfriend or her f**king RAPIST? Holy SHIT. AND SHE’S YOUR SISTER SHIP FOR CHRISSAKES! You are both Kuma-class light cruisers refitted as torpedo cruisers! (-1)

Weird-ass goddamn episode; boats wanting to boatily boat their own sisters. Messed up. Hiei, and Mutsu, and Ooi… you girls need help.

Anyway, Kitakami calls out for her blushing paramour… and asks Ooi to hold her hand because it’s dark. Oh boy. We are going to Yuricon 2, people. Shit is on the verge of going nuclear. Popey, get ready with the Careless Whispers instrumental mix. Sipia, get the towels and the garden hose. ALL OF THEM, DAMMIT MAN WE DON’T HAVE MUCH TIME!

God, she’s even doing a booty dance as she clarifies her extreme acquiescence to this request. But it’s funny and she’s legal, so I’ll call it a wash.

12:46 – But just as Kitakami goes to reach for Ooi’s proffered paw, the moon sneaks out from behind the clouds and lights their way. What comes next must be seen to be believed. (+5)


BITCH THREATENIN’ THE MOON! Although… I guess if Fubuki becomes Commander Shepard, this suggests that Ooi goes on to found the Rebel Alliance.

Oh, also reset to Yuricon 4. I don’t think Fubuki and Mutsuki will get up to much trouble. You can put the towels and garden hose away, Sipia.

13:35 – After attempted moon murder, we cut back to Fubuki and Mutsuki making their apologies… and then Bucky mentions that this spot where they’re chatting is where the admiral came to talk to her in the pilot. And she asked him why, despite being a Level 1 and 0 XP nublet, he wanted her.

…And the answer was he saw in her a dream. With Fubuki in a wedding dress. A f**king open-backed, no-shoulders wedding dress. And, in the dream, she told him, “I love you, Commander! Yes, I trust you!”

F**k. You. Lolicon. Bastards. (-5)

14:28 – So Mutsuki asks if that’s really what happened, since she doesn’t want anyone pulling rank and taking away her waifu—I MEAN… anyway, Fubuki decided to work at the base and work toward her big dream: to be useful to someone.

Actually, I can relate to that. Two years of unemployment with a bachelor’s degree, a pretty rocky start to grad school which hit the low of point of being asked by mentor, “Why do we keep you around?” Christ, I hope he didn’t have a dream of me in a wedding dress shortly before he asked if I’d stay on and do a PhD. O_O

Anyway, Foob wants to help erryone. Because she is a protagonist who is pure of heart and deed. And Fubuki’s drive to remodel is so she can help everyone better, which then depressed Mutsuki again because it meant stupid risks.

15:12 – But then they hold… hands…? KanColle, I swear if you do loli yuri I will retroactively take back all of my good feelings about this show.

“I’ll never leave you. I promise.” GOD DAMMIT YOU ARE SAILING INTO THE ICE (But I’m not actually gonna take points off because this is a nice emotional scene, without the weird sexual subtext that is definitely being added by me.)

15:30 - And Akagi and Kaga are watching from a higher cliff. Apparently, the admiral told Akagi to pick her own escort. OH LOOK CHARACTER ARC

15:38 – Thankfully the melodrama ends and we’re back to chibi fairies flying sea planes. Apparently, the Abyssals are gathering their forces around Base MI. Based on signal traffic and recon plane info, Nagato formally declares it to be AF. But… you said that earlier. (-1)

16:17 –Next day, looks like Fubuki’s getting ready for more training. Which is running. And maybe battle exercises. But she’s interrupted by dramatic plane overflight! And then a wild Akagi appears! She asks Fubuki… to be her escort.

16:53 – But then a wild Kaga appears! And she’s not having any of this. Fubuki has to prove herself. So, she’s good enough to give you orders, Kaga, but not good enough to throw herself in front of shells, bombs, and planes intending to take down Akagi?

Fubuki is clearly hurt… but then clenches her fist and says, “Bring it.” (+1)

17:28 – And now we come to the long sequence that makes me loathe the Akagi of the anime, as noted in the first review. I must’ve just rewatched this one a short while prior to starting this review series, because the resentment was still quite fresh.

So Fubuki is on the training ground. Because the upcoming battle is essentially a carrier duel, Kaga notes that Bucky’s primary duty is antiaircraft defense of Akagi. So, both carriers are going to launch practice planes at Fubuki, and she needs to shoot them down.

Dramatic music begins, arrows drawn, launch… practice battle start! And Fubuki gets strafed. Kaga very coldly notes, “I can’t let you escort Akagi-san like that. One more time.”

And so both carriers pummel Fubuki. Yuudachi and Mutsuki are wondering where she is, since she went for a run and isn’t in class… it’s Shimakaze who breaks the news that she’s basically getting savaged by some decidedly painful “practice” attacks.

So, headpats to Sipia for being a good boat.

This latest attack knocks Fubuki head over heels. “Stand up, now. Or are you giving up?” The planes drop bombs this time instead of a burst of cannon fire. Wave after wave, failure after failure. Mutsuki, who has run to the pier to watch, finally begs First CarDiv to stop.
19:19 – But it’s Fubuki who tells her no. “I want to be Akagi-senpai’s escort. I want to be useful to someone.” Mutsuki’s whole point in the baths was YOU ARE NO GOOD TO ANYONE IF YOU ARE DEAD.

But, despite wobbling on her feet, she demands another trial… and the falls to her knees. Kaga relents, lowering her bow and softening her expression. Oh, look, a human being.

Akagi says, “Here I go” and orders Fubuki to stand up. She gives… a kind of encouraging thing about how far Bucky has come, then snaps at her to get up. With a lot effort, she does… her turret is a wreck. And the planes come again. Once again, she gets down to the last one… and gets shot down herself.

But as she falls, one more shell and she finally kills the last plane. The blast of the hit she took sends her skidding across the water and she washes up hard on the pier. Panting and sobbing… and Akagi finally tells her, “You did great.” With an inspid goddamn smirk that makes me want to punch her for torturing Fubuki in this way. Yes, okay, I understand war is hard. And protecting a high value asset can often mean sacrifices must be made.

But even Kaga saw it was going too far. And you kept going, Akagi. You physically tortured a girl who wanted nothing more than to serve at your side, so she can prove herself worthy of this “honor.”

21:22 – But that’s enough to get Bucky to glow-in the-dark status for remodeling. This time, no lingerie shot. Sweet new watch.

BUT NO TIDDIES FOR YOU! You’re still flat as a boy. The goofy music starts to play and we giggle… or I might if the dark cloud of the previous torture scene wasn’t hanging there.

…Okay, the second, “Ore?!” got a little smile. (+1)

21:52 – Yuudachi points out that Fubuki really didn’t change much. Mutsuki’s glad, and Fubuki is PISSED. “Maybe they didn’t remodel me or something?!”

Long list of technical specs detailing Fubuki’s upgrades (though as a naval tech nut, I hardly call trading in 5” dual purpose guns for 100mm, high-velocity, rapid-burnout cannons a plus unless you’re going for a strictly AA fit). A smiling Mutsuki (+1) happily notes that sometimes, you don’t really look different.

Fubuki has tears of disappointment in her eyes. Aaaaaaaaaaaand then we slowly pan across a giggling Yuudachi again, making sure to get another good shot of her foredeck. With the “dwuuum” sound effect. And zooming in. (-3)

So no tits means Bucky feels like all that work was wasted. But Akagi shows up again and only now tells Fubuki that she will be the escort ship. Tears in eyes, Fubuki accepts like marriage was just proposed.

22:38 – We close out with Nagato talking with Akagi and Kaga. Apparently, the admiral was the one who wanted Fubuki to escort Akagi. Apparently, she will be key to this operation. And Fubuki salutes the missing admiral, having realized her dream.


TOTAL SCORE: -5

Too much ecchi sketchy that wasn't funny. Creepily earnest in its attempt to be sexy, actually... except it was about the loli characters. Too much yuri bullshit. Shipgirls love other shipgirls, fine. But this completely shifted tone on all of it to date. Add to that, Akagi is a bitch... Fubuki still almost kills herself trying to upgrade so she can be the escort ship even after Mutsuki basically said she would lose the will to live without Fubuki. No real character growth, ironically in an episode where the main character literally levels up.

In addition, budgetary issues start to seriously show here. I was going to screenshot Fubuki just after she remodeled. However, her facial texture was... off on the 3D model.

It's not good to have an episode as poor as this near the end of the show. It's bound to color perceptions. Add to that some potentially-ugly political connotations... there's a reason the ending three episodes of the season are not among those I fondly remember.

So after all of that, we need something fun! Before, I mentioned that when the anime was released, there weren't yet any Allied or neutral ships in the game. There are now, and one of the newest additions of HSwMS Gotland, who was notable for spotting Bismarck breaking out in the Baltic Sea and kicking off the Royal Navy's hunt for the German battleship.

So, meet Got-chan, our first Swedish ship. And like any good Swede, she has certain skills...


...Uh-oh.

[This message has been edited by Kousoku Senkan Moffgou (edited 01-19-2019 @ 11:19 PM).]

Moff, mad respect. How many words is that? I feel compelled to make my next KanColle review (might be that same episode ) in the +/- timestamp style out of gratitude.

Ahh, now I realize why the episode was poor! No Kongou! Where was she?

Oh... she was getting lunch.


=



And it was just shy of 4K for the breakdown, not my follow-up/comic stuff at the end.

[This message has been edited by Kousoku Senkan Moffgou (edited 01-20-2019 @ 06:03 PM).]

That's amazing. If you're only doing this for the tiny audience you're getting here, you need to post it somewhere else. You deserve more recognition.

Kantai Collection

Episode 10: Let's Do Our Worst!

Verdict: Resting Bitchface and Overly-Attached-Girlfriend's-Crush frolic under the moonlit sky and it's adorable. I genuinely laughed out loud for the first time watching this shit.

There's a lot of horrible romance between Fuboring and the admiral. That's just sad. An I agree with moff that the TRAINING scene is terrible. It's unpleasant to watch.

Ecchi-sketchy Counter: 11

Pantsu in the OP. Until they change it, the E-S counter will have a minimum of 1.

Panty flash, while fu-boring is on manoeuvres. Of course.

Floatation Devices is on screen, so there's unnecessary jiggle.

The shipgirls are roving in formation, so we get to see some thigh. Sigh.

Fu-boring is naked in the bath, dreaming about death. Don't we all.

Sideboob, cut away to frontboob for foob.

Naked shipgirls really ruins the emotional value of this episode.

Fuboring's clothing is destructible.

Falling over means we get to look up a skirt.

Unconscious upskirting is disgusting

Nudie Fu-boring in the ending sequence.


Rating: 4/10 (Bad)

---

Member of BlackForest Studios
Co-creator of Silent Evil (4.6) Voted Best Multiplayer Scenario of 2009 (Most Fave'd Multiplayer Scenario)
and The Seas of Egressa (4.8) Voted Best Multiplayer Scenario of 2010
"Popey just hates everywhere." - Chocolate Jesus, on my fear of Romanian organ-traffickers
"Hooray for Dear Leader-Comrade-Generalissimo-Presidente-Lord Protector Popey!" - Lord Sipia, on my benevolent, iron-fisted rule
"You're not Popeychops; you don't get to physics." - Moff, in response to a clumsy muon simile

MOAR.

I challenge you to review Mikakunin EP1

Episode 1: It’s Important to Start Off on the Right Foot

THIS SHOW IS RACIST AGAINST LEFT-FOOTED PEOPLE (-50)

So, we open on lovely images of Japanese mountain wilderness scenery. A mountain ablaze with autumnal hues, clouds drifting by, more autumn leaves, a stream glinting in the sun as a waterfall flows into it…

0:05 – A dewy crimson maple leaf sobs a single silvery tear as Canadians everywhere immediately belt out their national anthem.

0:13 – A woman or young girl’s face (‘cause, y’know, anime). We seem to cut to her perspective, looking at the sun filtering down through the amber and scarlet leaves. And she asks, “Where am I? What am I doing here?” As a dark, but not… menacing… shadow looms over her? Oh dear. Where is this going to go?

0:18 – LOLI LEGS (-10)

Also, some kind of high pitched charging-up sound? The girl gasps, fades to white… and whispers, “Ah… so warm…”

And now she’s sleeping in bed. It was all a dream. She opens up her bedroom curtains… and grins at the snowy suburb beyond. Of course, it looks like she’s in a damn plane. Or a castle. (-3)

But the scenery porn is delicious. (+5)


0:55 – Cut to two randos walking through the snow. And they’re not even singing Yuki No Shingun.

1:01 – Pink-haired girl finally introduces herself.

Happy birthday, Popey! She goes on to explain:


1:15 - ROLL CREDITS


So tiny rando loli tells giant rando dude to “be sure to make [himself] look good.” WHAT’S GOING ON IN THIS DISJOINTED NARRATIVE I CAN’T EVEN

1:24 – So we cut back to Popey, and she’s talking about how sixteen is the age where girls can get married, and that makes her feel a little grown-up. Nani? You’re sixteen. You’re just barely age of consent in the West, and only with someone under 18, and you’re also not age of majority.

Why, Japan? (-1)

1:29 – Credits while Popey hums a happy song. Capital ships and escorts… welcome to
Engaged to the Unidentified

1:34 – And now we meet Popey’s sister! She very enthusiastically wishes her favoritist imouto a happy birthday. (+5)

Meet Benio Chops. According to Popey, she’s an amazing woman. Of course, this compliment from her beloved little sister… makes her spray blood from her mouth. But it’s cute! (+2)

…I think…

2:09 – Ah. Mama Chops joins the party, mostly to scold Benio for bleeding too loudly. YOUR DAUGHTER JUST VOMITED THREE LITERS OF BLOOD; YOU SHOULD BE MORE CONCERNED ABOUT THAT.

Ah, Mama Chops is Akane. Never do remember her name, I’m afraid. Anyway, now she tells Popey that it’s all her fault that “Benio talks the way she does.” What, caring for her little sister? You’re a terrible mother! (-1)

But at least it means Benio doesn’t use swear words.

2:23 – I can’t argue with this logical response though. (+2)

That is my ultimate maxim. Now I see why some folks think Moff is Benio.

2:34 – Birthday wishes out of the way, now Mama Chops needs to tell Popey Chops something important: they’re gonna have a guest starting today. Turns out it’s Tall Rando Dude!
Oh, and he’s Popey’s fiancé in an arranged marriage.
Doodley-doodley-doodl—NANI THE FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Well, let’s meet him properly.

He seems to be the strong, silent type. Especially silent.
3:00 – Mama Chops says Popey met Hakuya when they were little… but Popey has absolutely no memory of it. She also has some pointed objections to arranged marriages in this day and age. Hakyua’s only answer is… there aren’t a lot of matches where he’s from.

Popey is not impressed. And the plot thickens as we find out… Benio knew. Apparently, Grandpa’s word is law, even after the old codger’s passing. If Benio were permitted her way, she would “have raised you myself, through high school, college, adulthood, job hunting, middle age…”
Such a loving sister. (+2)
Oh, she’s still going. “Your sixties, your eighties, your nineties! You would have never left this house!”
Eh?
Popey no leik. (+1)

3:45 – Popey confirmed for single and available… but she is the younger daughter? Why not Benio?

3:50 - “Benio is fine at a glance, but you know how her personality is.”
Damn, Mama-san. Just… damn.

“And she IS the oldest.”
“Ah.” (+1)
DAMN, POPEY. After Benio got you that nice cake and stuff… besides, aside from being a bit on the flat side of things, what could possibly be wrong with Benio? Did you not just call her “an amazing woman,” Popey?
And then your loving nee-sama even has to ask why you’re not denying that. Funny, I didn’t hear a cock crow three times, but here we are.
4:00 – Oooh. Apparently, there’s a reason it has to be Popey marrying Hakuya, anyway. But Benio’s not gonna take that lying down. Especially since Hakuya’s basically been spacing out the whole time, staring off into nothingness… like he doesn’t even care that he’s marrying our beloved Popey.
And his response to her challenge of, “are you okay with this?” is not encouraging. “I grew up with everyone around me saying [that he’ll marry Popey], so…”

4:20 – Again, Popey takes this poorly. “You’re just doing it because everyone told you to?!”

So Popey storms out of the room after announcing she is against this. What an awful birthday. “Here you go, we got you a husband you never met!” Also, a bit of ecchi-sketchy as she shuts the door and we focus on her birthing figure. It’s well-clothed, but… the camera lingers just a bit too long for it be anything else. (-1)

4:39 – But she feels bad after reflecting for a second. Hakuya never had a choice, either. Just like she apparently is engaged to a boy she never met—or at least has no recollection of meeting, if what her mother says is true—so must he marry some girl who perhaps he met, may not even remember…

4:43 – LOLI RANDO RETURNS… and is ringing a doorbell. A lot. Like, incessantly. Oh, and it’s at the Chops residence.
And her opening line when Popey answers the door is, “You’re shorter than I expected.” OH SHIT IT’S ANAKIN

AND POPEY IS GRIEVOUS!
I’m so confused

5:02 – Loli rando has a name now! Mashiro Mitsumine. She’s Hakuya’s little sister. And therefore… Popey’s sister-in-law! And she seems to eagerly embrace that shit.


Apparently this elementary schooler was sent along to keep on eye on her “space case” brother, so she’ll be moving in with the Chops too. Sure is nice of them to phone ahead… ohh…

And Mama Chops is all, “Well, taking care of two is no harder than taking care of one!” WHAT?! IT’S LITERALLY TWICE AS HARD! Popey tries to object, but Mama rambles on about rooms and beds.

5:30 – Thankfully, Benio to the rescue!

“Youjo yo! Youjo!” Wait… doesn’t that mean… little girl? “What do I do, Popey?” Um, say hi? Like a normal person? “It’s a little girl!”
Well, like Popey said… stop shouting “youjo” constantly? Getting’ a bit weird there, Benio. Well, maybe she’s like Takanashi-kun and likes cute, small things. A protective onee-san instinct! Yes, that must be it.

5:40 – Mashiro eats some birthday cake with a nom. This warms my heart. (+2)

It’s also her first time ever having cake, because her family lives in the mountains. Her desire to properly repay the debt, however, is sufficient to drive Benio to knees. A little girl trying to act mature seems to be like catnip.
Then Mashiro demands to know why she was served milk instead of tea. “IS IT BECAUSE I AM A CHILD?”
“Do you want coffee or tea?”
“No, milk is my favorite! *gulp*” (+1)

6:38 – “I shall make you a suitable bride for the Mitsumine household!” Aww, she’s gonna be relentless!

SHO KAWAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII (+1)

6:47 – But Benio has something to say about that.

Told you. “I’m the one giving up my super, super, super adorable Popey to marriage, but [Hakuya]’s been shockingly imperceptible this whole time! Is he really okay?”
I mean, he is just sitting there, sipping tea.

6:58 – “He was born that way. Just let it go.” Goddamn, everyone here is a roastmaster. (+1)

7:19 – So while Benio and Mashiro argue… Popey blows a gasket. Not because of the marriage, or her mother’s blithely dropping it in her lap… but because she doesn’t have enough food to feed two extra people. So she’s gonna go shopping.
Indeed, her biggest complaint seems to be that her planned menu for the week has been totally scuppered. But then her shoe slips on some snow… up goes Popey into the air…

7:51 – A WILD HAKUYA-KUN APPEARS. And Popey is saved from smashing her head on the stone walk.
Ooho, and the sparkly sparkle effects on the face closeups… ara, ara.

8:03 – It’s dangerous to go it alone! Take this husbando to help you.

Aww, he even says, “I must protect you.” She says, um,


Still, Popey is suspicious. “You are very important.” Calling her by her first name like it’s nothing. “This guy might be a real smooth operat—”
And then Hakuya bangs his shins on a sign. Maybe not, Popey. Maybe not.

9:00 – Ah, some backstory. Popey asks if they really did meet each other long ago. Hakuya notes that they played together. But she has no memory. She had an accident when she was little and has no memories from before.
She apologizes, bowing formally… and he puts his hand on her head. And then starts… rubbing her head.
“What?!”
“I just felt like doing that.”


I bet Boatpope would be more amenable to headpats.

9:34 – MENWHILINGS… Mashiro is being shown her room. It was apparently Grandpa’s. Mama Chops tells her to speak up if anything isn’t to her liking… so once she’s alone, Mashiro tries a white glove test on the windowsill.

Benio appears behind her to smugly inform the little imp that they’re rather “scrupulous about cleaning… my tiny sister-in-law.” Then she asks Mashiro not to tease Popey too much… or she will tease Mashiro. With a serious case of Ojou-sama voice.
Mashiro realizes Benio is very, very serious.


10:19 - Fortunately, Popey rescues Mashiro from Benio’s clutches by getting home just then. Mashiro runs straight to her brother, crying, “THIS IS NOT OKAY!” (+2)

The animation here is especially cute. And Mashiro LEAPS onto Hakuya’s shoulder and swings around behind him to shield herself from Benio’s wicked aura. But then she notices the scuff on his cheek.

“Domestic violence already?!” (+2)

Mashiro explains that Hakuya’s not too good with words, and tends to kinda come off as weird as a result. Popey does apologize for belting him, but is still miffed about having a major facet of her life decided without her input. Mashiro points out that, for her and Hakuya, that’s par for the course. That doesn’t butter any parsnips for Popey, though.

Also, turns out this marriage has been arranged since the epoch of that playdate. After an awkward silence, Mashiro tactfully changes the subject to what Popey’s preparing for dinner. She guesses it’s curry, which gets her all kinds of excited. Turns out it was supposed to be beef stew (THE DISH OF WIVES AND MOTHERS), but switching it over at this stage wouldn’t be a hassle. Popey is a talented cook, if humble about it.

12:07 – “Knowing how a person typically eats can you a lot about who they are,” Mashiro proclaims… before we cut to her sobbing over the mild curry scorching her face. Her desperate water gulping is cute. (+2)

12:32 – After dinner, Popey goes up to Mashiro’s room to talk to her… and sees her new sister-in-law with her face a couple feet away from the screen. Being from the mountains, Mashiro’s never had a TV in her room before. Popey has to resort to physically carrying the awestruck Mashiro away. It’s adorable. (+2)

Anyway, we have confirmation that Mashiro does not handle the spice well. She will never control the universe. But Popey is showing herself to be a good hostess, and seeing if there’s anything else that her new little sister doesn’t like… and manages to smoke out of her in a reverse-psychology-without-trying fashion that grated yam, okra, and natto are verboten. But, when she asks Hakuya… well, her form of address is lacking for Mashiro’s tastes. “You” is not adequate. “Dear,” “husband,” “darling,” or “honey” will do!
Yeah, no. Neither Popey nor husbando are in for that shit. And it’s adorable. (+2)

13:59 – Mashiro catches Popey in the hall and quietly, sheepishly admits that she prefers her curry mild. Which is very important as it’s the opening line of the best motherboating end credits song in anime history.

14:06 – And now we hear the Benio leitmotif in full: rapid, harsh, terrifying strings sliding up and down the scale as she descends like a hawk upon Mashiro. And even opens with an ojou-sama laugh… before…

“Let me explain in full detail. Come with me.” Mashiro visibly shudders and bolts for her life down the stairs. Benio follows, calmly, grinning… a loli Terminator after her prey.

14:34 – Ah, now we’re off to school! As transfers, there’s some paperwork to be done ahead of time. Mashiro is briefing her spacecase brother on going to the faculty room and introducing himself. Popey comes through the gate, which spooks Mashiro… who is frantically searching for Benio. Oh my. But, Benio has left already. Looks like Mashiro also needs to finish some paperwork. But back to taking care of onii-chan…

“You worry too much,” Popey smiles. “I’m sure he’s seen a stoplight, right?”
And both mountain folk look down in shame. Oh, no, no. They’re not THAT rural. They’ve seen a traffic signal. There was one in the next town over! (+2)
(Yes, it’s adorable)

So, now Popey and Hakuya are walking to school. Popey kinda wants to keep this whole “we’re gonna marry” thing under wraps. People would talk, it’s all weird… and while she’s thinking, her friend runs up and says hi.

Unfortunately, friend asks who Hakuya is. And while Popey is trying to figure out what to say… he says the blunt truth. He’s Popey’s fiancé, Mitsumine Hakuya. He’s sixteen years old. And friend is Mayura Momouchi.

Mayura talks a little about how much influence Grandpa had. Apparently, it went so far that fried eggs had to be cooked hard with sauce on top until the day he died. Then… we discuss the egg preferences of the Chops family (runny for everyone, salt for Popey, soy sauce for Mama, and ketchup for Benio). Now is when Popey finally gets the chance to put a lid on this fiancé business at school.
Hakuya’s response is a simple, “If you don’t like it, I won’t say it.” And now Popey thinks she’s hurt his feelings. But it just turns out he’s really confused by Mayura’s preference for sauce aurore on her eggs… because he never heard of that sauce. (+1)

17:15 – Despite Popey’s hopes, Hakuya ends up in her class. And… so does Mashiro. Who is definitely not 16. Or in high school.

(+3)

And apparently, Popey can just drag Mashiro out of the classroom and into the hallway? Holy shit, in American schools, you don’t leave the room without a hall pass and unless it’s a study hall, there’s always some kind of structured function. Anyway, Popey’s reading the riot act… and Mashiro gives a “sinister” but adorable chortle (+1) and smugly says not to underestimate the power of the Mitsumine household.

18:20 – So while Popey is pondering that, and Mashiro is enthralled by the vending machines they’re standing in front of… some girls behind them utter the magical words of doom. “Oh! Benio-sama!”

…Wait, why in the hell is Maho Nishizumi here? HOLY SHIT GIRLS UND PANZER CROSSOVER?! (+50)

Turns out Benio is immensely popular, smart, talented… idolized throughout the school. The Student Council President, even. Naturally, this disturbs Mashiro and she accuses Popey of putting hallucinogenic mushrooms into breakfast. Those are her exact words, and no, I’m not screenshotting it because Jesus Christ this review is turning into a slide show.

More on that later.

Benio spots Mashiro and publicly welcomes her to the high school, asking how the transfer process is going and if there are any issues… while audibly sparkling. Mashiro, meanwhile, is cast into a dark shadow... and the glittering Benio-sama eagerly tells our terrified loli to come to her if she ever has a problem. That, in turn, gets people interested in Mashiro as glorious Benio-sama has expressed such concern for this newly-transferred girl.

Well, enough is too much for Mashiro and runs off screaming, “WHAT KIND OF SORORITY IS THIS?!” So now everyone’s asking Popey who it was that was so worthy of Benio-sama’s attention. “Well, she’s sort of a relative of ours.” Also, blonde girl from the screenshot with Maho squees over how amazing Benio is… and it’s not fair that Mashiro gets special treatment just because they’re related.

Only Maho, who knows all about the REAL Benio, knows this means tough times ahead.

Still, Popey is proud of Benio and her accomplishments, and is genuinely glad that people love her. Because Popey is a good girl. Which brings her back around to tracking down Mashiro, who has probably gone and gotten lost. So her and Mayura split up, combing the school. We follow Popey, who calls out for Mashiro over and over, goes up a few floors… and finally kneels on the floor in exhaustion. Hakuya comes along, and starts doing the headpat again.
20:55 - “Popey, you are Popey.”
Popey is… nonplussed by this, and then asks about Mashiro again… who it turns out is clinging to the back of her brother’s jacket. Her take on this whole thing is disbelief. “I can’t accept it! I can’t accept it! Benio is a pervert!”
“Yeah, nee-san lets loose a bit at home.”
“BABBLING ABOUT LITTLE GIRLS IS LETTING LOOSE?!”

21:21 – Popey at least agrees that’s… weird. But notes most of it is probably just Benio deliberately trolling instead of being a massive creep. When Mashiro asks for tips on ending the nightmare, though, Popey just says that she gave up and bathed or slept with her from time to time (NOT LIKE THAT). Mashiro is NOT impressed by this “advice.”

21:56 – Oh damn I forgot we do the ecchi-sketchy slide show now. This is actually the title sequence… which is a shame, because the song is quite catchy and fun. But the opening shot is Popey practically bursting from her bra (she’s rather stacked for her age). And there’s quite a few shots in the sequence, some sweet, and some definitely saucy. (-10)
But it does open up to the glorious OP sequence. (+6)

Phew! Okay, that took basically 12 hours (not continuous, obviously). I will not be doing further review posts like I do for KanColle because… this is a very, very visual show. The animation styles shift for comedic reasons, and it is just an absolute undertaking. I probably could have FINISHED KanColle today. But I really wanted to do this, and Popey dared me to anyway.

TOTAL SCORE: +20

I love this series, even with its ecchi-sketchy intro sequence (I mostly look away and wait for the singing to start). This show doesn’t shy away from some ribald humor, but it does it in a way that works without feeling skeevy. It just makes you feel warm and fuzzy. It’s wonderful. But it’s goddamned impossible to review in my style because it will just become a slide show as every visual gag and reaction needs to be done to begin to do justice.

You’re just gonna have to experience this one for yourselves, lads.

Now, because we haven't had quite enough Popey in this post...


Regular boat service will resume. <_<

Wow, my cropping skills were shit today. Oh well, though my mind and body were weary going into it, and are more still now... it was a labor of love.

Ah, finally a series I found slightly better Now I can properly enjoy the images. *nods*

BIG MOOD



I really love Engaged to the Unidentified. It has lots of ecchi, including the "totes random" lingerie in the OP, but I just find Kobeni (the character that Moff refers to as Popey) to be so wholesome in her manner that I can forgive it. It's sweet and innocent slice of life, albeit very strange lives.

The family dynamic on show is just wonderful. Benio's relationship with Mashiro is what makes the anime. In fact, without Benio, none of the characters would really work at all, except Hakuya, who doesn't really work as it is, but has to stand back and be aloof all the freaking time.

The other important grounding of this first episode is that we get the casual hints that something is not quite right about Kobeni and Hakuya's "playing together" in their childhood. That hint of a darker tone makes it worth watching, and we get to see Kobeni protest that she's a strong independent anime woman who don't need no man, which is also important. I felt it was made clear that Kobeni would only go along with this tomfoolery for as long as she felt comfortable, and beneath the fluffy and adorable exterior there was a firmness that wouldn't object to upsetting people if she felt it was the right thing to do.

I just find Kobeni (the character that Moff refers to as Popey)

I was definitely slipping up toward the end, and had to go back and change two "Kobeni"s to the proper nomenclature.

But seriously, check this show out. It's wonderful.

[This message has been edited by Kousoku Senkan Moffgou (edited 02-03-2019 @ 09:31 AM).]

Is there anyone amongst us, who read this thread, that hasn't watched it ?

Then we need to watch it again.

Besides... those rap skills are untouchable.

[This message has been edited by Kousoku Senkan Moffgou (edited 02-03-2019 @ 10:31 AM).]

Is there anyone amongst us, who read this thread, that hasn't watched it ?

*slowly raises hand*

*theatrical gasp*

Truly?

*scoffs*

Guess you know what you oughta do, then?

If not... there's gonna be a Sipikaze being glowered at by Moffgou, Sendai-san, and the Pan-paka-pope. We'll call it... "Poor Little Destroyer." <_<

I'm pretty sure I shat on this show while ago. My opinion may change if I watch it again now, but I'll pass.

[This message has been edited by Mithril Knight (edited 02-03-2019 @ 05:13 PM).]

I'm now rewatching Mikakunin, because of course I am.

Moff is right about one thing: reviewing this with our timeline-scoreboard system just doesn't work. So much of what it's attempting to do is visual. You can't capture the essence of it without sight.

What I really enjoy about it is how colourful it is. The main character has pink hair. The sister has orange hair. Her admirer has blonde hair. Because why not? Why not have a colourful, vibrant world where everyone is a bit mad?

It's just so cheerful. It never fails to warm my bitter, cynical heart. And some days that's what I need.

It's that needle of beautiful, slightly-saucy-but-never-truly-ecchi smack into both of your eyeballs that you need every so often. And of course... that delicious ear crack that begins with:

-Yes, curry is my favorite
But if I may be a bit greedy...
-You prefer it mild, don't you?

That song is literally what got me into the show... which lets me tie it back into Botes because it was a Bote video!



Episode 10.5: Moff Ruins Everything With His Stupid Boatgirl Obsession
0:04 - Before the singing starts, we see Akatsuki and Ikazuchi (see Episode 6) dining upon curry... seemingly prepared by Hiei (which is a very bad, no good, terrible idea). Standing in for Kobeni is Battleship Yamashiro, and standing in for Benio is her onee-san, Battleship Fusou.

0:06 - Ah, both Destroyers split the Mashiro lines. Good, that's fitting enough.

0:10 - Gah! Destroyer clown car! Inazuma and Hibiki jump out and join their sisters dancing on stage. Hiei beats a hasty retreat.

0:25 - Ah, looks like Akatsuki is taking over as full-time Mashiro. Fitting, trying to be mature but often double-childish.

26 - Hanging from the ceiling is Tutorial-musume, whilst prostrate with a cat on her head is Error-musume, who comes up when the servers go down. Behind her are boxes of sad clouds and deformed penguins, like the one that falls out of Fubuki's pack in the pilot. Those are what you get when you try to build equipment... but fail.

0:31 - There are a lot of sirens outside and I have lolis on my screen. Errm.

Oh, they went away. Anyway, in the video, Akatsuki is joined by Houshou-san (left), Mamiya (right), and submarine tender Taigei.

0:41 - During Yamashiro's "you know I'm sensitive about that," Takao (Popey's onee-san!) and some other boat.

What? I don't knoW ALL of them.

0:42 - But when the Fusou sisters are being weird and glowy, the quivering figure in the corner is Maruryu... a submarine. A very, very lucky submarine and super common drop who is often used as modernization material for (or, in metagame parlance, she is FED TO) Fusou and Yamashiro to help supplement their absolutely dismal luck stats.

Not so lucky, eh?

0:49 - During the split jump, we can catch a glimpse of German destroyers Z1 and Z3 (or Lebe and Max, if we use real names).

1:00 - Hakuya is replaced by light cruiser Kiso, naturally. A sister ship to Kuma, Tama, Ooi, and Kitakami. And she's closer to Ooi and Kitakami in that she can upgrade to a torpedo cruiser.

And then a whole shitton of boats dance across the screen instead of a progression of dozens of Mashiros.

1:14 - So, at "My love for snacks and other things" is when the original adds people. In the KanColle one... uh, some Mutsuki-class, some Kagerou-class... I think... I dunno.

1:16 - Ah, but War Crimes-chan takes center stage now. She's next to Shimakaze. Lebe and Max are back on top, to the right. Akagi is dancing with a rice bowl. Hatsuharu is the one that looks like Rarity as an anime girl. I believe Inazuma in a suit is actually Plasma-chan, her dark and evil counterpart.

1:18 - Verniy up top, followed by Ayanami and Nagato. Aoba is snapping pictures in the center, then Moff and Popey side-by-side (awww), and the bottom row adds Shigure (who you will learn all about soon) and POI POI.

Not sure why Mutsu's transition state is anchor chain bondage. Kinda worried about that. Kaga's archery poses are exceptional, though.

1:22 - And then two badly-exploded Fusou sisters come back from the right.

Cute smiles and finish.

[This message has been edited by Kousoku Senkan Moffgou (edited 02-04-2019 @ 06:39 PM).]

It does indeed have the sauce

And now for something a bit different: astronomy!

Non Non Biyori is the best slice of life.


And the art and music are really nice.

[This message has been edited by Kousoku Senkan Moffgou (edited 02-09-2019 @ 08:03 PM).]

Episode 11 – Operation MI Begins!
We begin… under the sea. But I don’t think the octopi here are warm and welcoming of folks in their garden. And then we cut to burning plane, with a weird filter over it. I’m calling this a dream sequence or flashback. Undersea cut of bits of… stuff falling into the water, and then…

0:10 – A battered Souryuu (Second Carrier Division, we’ve seen her a few times) is sailing into a headwind with a pained expression. Planes flit about in a flak-filled sky, some taking down Abyssal craft… some being taken down.

0:17 – Scare strings, and then we cut to Akagi holding Kaga in her arms as she sails through water bursts. Bombs, shells, not sure. We zoom in, and there’s blood running from the corner of Akagi’s mouth and she whispers, “I’m sorry.” A few cuts to the frame to show how ragged and torn up her and Kaga her.

0:29 – Akagi laments of the unconscious or possibly dead Kaga slung over her shoulder, “I couldn’t protect her.”

0:33 – “I had to try harder…” Akagi’s voiceover as we see Hiryuu firing an arrow off, with Souryuu limping toward her in the background… and then disappearing in a geyser of spray as the wounded carrier is bombed.
0:37 – Same story with a couple of what look like Mogami-class cruisers. Now twin-tail girl goes kablooey. Ah, KanColle Wiki says that would be Mikuma.

0:42 – Some boat with Kongou’s head and hair and Shimakaze’s button-up top shouts a warning about an incoming bomb to Akagi. Silently, for dramatic effect. And crying.

Oh snap, it IS Kongou. She looks… weird. Well, quick cut to Kirishima, then we follow the bomb in until we race past to zoom in on Akagi’s eye…

0:49 – “I’m sorry. Please scuttle me.” Crying Maikaze (which I only know because of that stupid fanfic I slapped together for the writing contest a few years back ) levels her torp launchers…

0:57 – HOLY SHIT! Is that a mothaboatin’… BOAT? A REAL BOAT?

Torp tracks streak in, fade to white… and oh shit, it’s Umi Sonoda! How did she get here?!


1:05 – So Akagi wakes up from her spoopy Battle of Midway flashback from another life, looks over at Kaga snuggled up next to her on the futon (in case you thought my yandere yuri comments about Kaga were just me poking fun) and—oh. At 1:12, we hear Kaga breathing. Sounds like Mako Reizi, since they’re both voiced by Yuka Iguchi. This made me smile. Kinda took me out of the scene, but it made me smile at the memory of a better, equally-addictive anime. (+1)

1:19 – So Akagi has had this dream of being defeated and scuttled every night since the op was decided. So boats are psychic, too.

1:30 – Akagi’s a sleepyhead too, as Fubuki is already running outside. In fact, Akagi’s opening the curtain just in time for our little protagonist to pass by, and seeing a tiny disturbance in the window that indicates someone’s awake, she waves! Not that she has been obsessively watching the window as she ran by over and over, no no. Surely not.

1:43 – And now the dramatic timestamp comes up: 22 Hours Until MI Sakusen. So after waving back to Bucky with a smile, Akagi made the standard determined anime girl grunt, got super serial in the face, and then buggered off to annoy Nagato.

3:26 – Whoof. The animation budget took a hit for sure. It’s a distance shot, sure, but Mutsu and Nagato look like old Disney cartoons. Like, the old old shorts, not the majestically animated and detailed classic movies and shit. This is Steamboat Waifu territory. (-2)

Also, I’m sure none of you will be tempted to take Nagato’s line out of context, right? Because you’re all good boats.

3:37 – Ah. Now Akagi enters. Sorry, skipped ahead a bit earlier. Anyway, she’d like to tweak the personnel assignments for CarDiv 1’s detachment. She… also never blinks except when her facial expression changes. Not sure if that’s just supposed to be a thing with her or more bad animation, as both Nagato and Mutsu blink. So, the current line up is:


Bit of a typo, as you cannot have “Mursasame” exist in Japanese. Poor Murasame… who, not gonna lie, I had to look up. Look, I know big ships. Turns out Muramura is just a discount Yuudachi with twintails. So meh.


Anyway… DRAMATIC FLASHBACKS OF SEVERAL BOATS ON THE LIST WHO WERE IN THE DREAM! With “whoosh” sounds for each cut! And then Akagi states she has a request.

4:14 – Hard cut to Mamiya’s Café, 16 hours before Operation MI. We see DesDiv 6 drinking their milk to become big and strong and definitely not all be slaughtered save Hibiki, who will be sold off the Soviets as war reparations. Nope, that’s not gonna happen at all. But it turns out that Ikazuchi doesn’t like plain milk. Fruit-flavored is fine (BLEH), but not plain.

But, Hibiki has the answer. (+2)


I thought they were just made of it, Biki. Ah, and then to prove that it’s not just my filthy mind… let’s replay the beach scene from Episode 8! Complete with a BOOOING and a PAN-PAKA-PAAAAN! Animu Popeys… the gift that keeps on giving. (+1)

But (-1) for actually recycling footage. This is your penultimate episode, and you’ve done clips twice now. Seriously. Were the coffers so dry?

4:35 – Enlightened, Akatsuki announces that milk must be their “secret.” So that, the impending mission, and nutritional bonuses all convince Ikazuchi to down her glass. Which leads to a comedy cut to Fubuki chugging her milk from a stein, thus invoking the “Drunk on Milk” trope.

I suppose it’s fitting that KanColle would ape a Spongebob joke. I’ll allow it.

5:01 – Milkstache Bucky is amusing. (+1)


Yes, that really is in the show. I didn’t just take the eraser tool in Paint and sloppily drag it between her nose and mouth. I didn’t. Can’t speak for the animators.
“I can eat a whole lot now!”
“I can tell you’re Akagi-san’s escort!” Damn, Mutsuki. I thought Poipoi was in charge of savagery.

Of course, this sails over Foob’s head like a badly-ranged shell and draws only a giddy laugh. And Ikazuchi’s ire. Buuut before she can start a milk-chugging-time-record contest, Nagato has an announcement over the PA: the new order of battle. Fubuki is in the main strike group as an escort… and Ooi is out for torpedo support. She’ll be attached to the support element, instead.

Angery yuri is angery.

But Yammy-chan gets to set sail. Yay! Remember that plot point? Anyway, Nagato goes on to explain that there’s also a diversion assault against AL. Hmm. AL… like… ALeutian? <_<

Meh, we covered the historical parallels and potential political issues in the last one. I won’t reiterate here. That was the historical plan, after all. Oh, and Ryuu’jo is mentioned as being from another base! Aww! Our favorite McDonald’s griddle!

Actually, let’s put a pin in RJ, DesDiv 6, Tama, Kuma, and Nachi going off to Alaska so Sarah Palin can see Japanese warships from her house. That may be important later.

6:50 – The Sendai sisters stop by the Main Three’s table to offer words of encouragement. Still not sure why Sendai herself still insists on calling Fubuki “Tokugata Kuchikukan,” or in this case, “Tokugata Kuchikukan Kai.” Kinda… dehumanizing.

Be nice, Helperbote.

7:13 – So, after the announcement, Mutsu and Nagato are still talking in the command center and we flash back to what happened when we cut away to loli funnies. Apparently, Fubuki was explicitly ordered by the commander to be in battle order. That’s not Akagi’s problem; she’s concerned about the other ships. “Sometimes, I hear something inside my head.” SOUND PROOF TO GO ON TO CHANGE OPERATIONAL PLANS, YESSIREE!

Well, I guess it worked for Joan of Arc, if you’re a cynic?

Ah. No, you’re trying to IGNORE the voice in your head because it wants you to repeat something you’ve done before. All of this has happened before, and it will happen again. *Bob Dylan starts playing*

So it’s like a great river sweeping you along, or a yoke put upon you by fate? Weirdass time to be getting all metaphysical in your anime, you know? But yeah, Akagi, you go ahead and fight it. No fate but what you make. Or something.

Can’t we just have another curry contest? >_> (-1)

8:28 – Dramatic echo of the first episode, with Fubuki watching Akagi’s planes fly over the harbor from the detached mystery tower in the water. (YOU THINK I FORGOT, SHOW, BUT I DID NOT! I DID NOT FORGET!)

8:35 – Oh Poiboats, now Nagato’s waxing philosophical about Akagi’s rant. Apparently, her absolute certainty that AF meant MI (you’ve been following along, right? ) is now an indicator of their fate being steered. “Like something was forcing us to go there.”

9:12 – “Mutsu, sometimes I find myself wondering, ‘why in the world do we exist?’” Huh. I didn’t know Nagato-san was an active TCer!

9:18 – Oh, thank God. We switch to Ooi running after Kitakami. KTKM is just generally, “Oh well,” but Ooi thinks Nagato has seen the glorious light of Kitakami-sama and wishes to possess her for her own.

KTKM blithely says they can have a contest to see who takes down more baddies.

10:21 – Sunset. Akagi lands a plane on her flight deck, then turns around to see Foob behind her. “I finally get to fight in the same fleet as you! It’s all thanks to you!” You mean the part where she TORTURED YOU.

God, then she thanks her. But Akagi, of all people, says that’s wrong. GODDAMN RIGHT. Oh, it was all your hard work. Be proud of yourself. “I just helped a little.” SHUT YOUR GLUTTONOUS WHORE MOUTH YOU BAUXITE VACUUM. (-1)

So Fubuki goes on about how much she loves the Naval District and everyone… complete with all four Kongou sisters in the bath (with generous butt and sideboob from Hiei in the background, nape from Kirishima, and general half-submerged boobery from Kongou and Haruna), Kitakami and Ooi in the tub together (with Ooi blowing bubbles… with her mouth, adorably (+2)), and preggo lolis from DesDiv 6. Okay, okay, they’re just fat-tummied from overeating. But as long as weird fetish stuff was happening… on the other hand, they’re not actually lewding the lolis. So only a small penalty from finding an excuse to shove ecchi in. (-2)

11:24 – But we also have Sippybote giving belly rubs to her pet gun turrets. And it’s cute. (+2)


Oh, and of course Foob loves Akagi-senpai. Apparently, coming to the base made Fubuki realize how amazing everyone is. So wonderful and cool, and Fubuki wanted to be like them. And she could work so hard because of everyone else.

This, in turn, makes Akagi reflect. “I don’t know what light the admiral saw in this small destroyer… What I do know is that I have to live up to her expectations, to the trust of those who look up to me and the friends who fight with me. I’ve done what I can, there is no more uncertainty. If this is destiny…
“Then I will destroy it.”

I was gonna take points off for internal monologuing, but I like that. (+1)

Oh, but she ruined it. “Because I am Akagi, of Carrier Group One!” (-2)

Oh, and NINE HOURS REMAIN UNTIL MI SAKUSEN

12:38 – Shibafu character card of Akagi herself. In all of her Shibafu Potato Glory. HAIL TO THE POTATO MASTER.

12:41 – Early morning, day of Operation MI. Probably about 4 AM, given the sun’s not up yet and the sky is just grayish green. Mutsuki is praying at a shrine. Kinda cool looking. A shipgirl shrine. (+1)



And she’s praying for Kisaragi to watch over Foob and the rest. Followed by Fubuki and Yuudachi showing up, laying each laying a purple flower on the shrine, and praying too. Huh. Boatgirl religion. What a neat worldbuilding detail to put in… at the end of the motherPOIing run. (+1) (-1)

Aww, Mutsuki’s idea of reassurance is that she’ll protect the Naval Base while everyone’s gone. Riiight.

13:15 – Up comes the sun, with spoopy music! Everyone is getting reading to deploy. Nagato, in voiceover/loudspeaker, even prophetically declares that “this battle will turn the tide of the war.” Yeah, that’s very true about Midway. And the goal is “defeat the enemy’s carrier task force.” Yep, also the plan for Midway.

14:03 – And the Midway Force is at sea Kongou returns Haruna’s well wishes with a waving KTKM. ‘Tis kawaii. (+1)

14:21 – And Nachi (weird whip-haired girl in purple) is holding a weird tube. Apparently it has mission orders, which means Tama got a line. In fact, this is basically the C-list squad plus DesDiv 6.

14:30 – But more importantly… YAMATO LAUNCHES FROM TRUK. AND IT IS GLORIOUS. (+5)
…Even if there’s an obligatory boob-closeup where she’s clearly threatening to poke through.

15:08 – And… a girl in silhouette on a cliff? Holy shit, it’s Maho Nishizumi! She’s here too!

15:11 – The scary Abyssal base.


And then we close-up on Fubuki’s nemesis: the One-Eyed Wo. And zoom out… to an even more ominous figure with glowing red eyes. Never a good sign in anime. Next we’re gonna have to deal with a foul-mouthed Irish Catholic priest, aren’t we?

16:03 – In further historical parallels, during the discussion back with our shipgirls about a lack of recon info and contact with support elements (including Yamato), Tone complains that she can’t help. Her catapult broke. Historians actually consider this a major factor in the intelligence blunders that pushed Midway the way it went. Nice nod.

Kaga, who is supposed to the smart and calculating one, actually suggests splitting the party. Advance toward Midway—err, I mean Abyssal Base MI—while leaving some ships back to meet with Yamato. She even says, “If the enemy finds us, it’s all over.” So you want two weakened forces scattered instead of a single, unified force that could have a chance at wiping out a scouting detachment? You may sound like her, but you’re clearly not as smart as Mako-chan. It’s one thing to have a character just be dumb as a trait, but this is just handing Kaga the idiot ball. (-1)

16:47 - And Akagi goes for it. Bucky and Bongou will stay behind… because the admiral’s explicit orders about “KEEP DIS BITCH WIT YOU” mean nothing. Also, the grueling and brutal “training” you put her through to serve as your COMBAT ANTIAIRCRAFT ESCORT… well, maybe she’s feeling guilty about nearly beating a fifteen-year-old girl to death. And Foob even explicitly points out that she is there as Akagi’s escort.

17:24 – Back to Snailboat and Nagato in the command center. Have these two even been on the water in this series? I don’t think so. Well, I suppose they had to have sailed to Truk… unless they took a really big plane?
That leads me to another question. Remember that it’s mentioned that Ashigara went to a mixer and failed to find a guy. So, are shipgirls allowed out into the general population? They seem to have an otherwise self-contained existence in the Naval District and we don’t see any males. Seriously. The admiral is the only male character, and we don’t actually see him. What is this mixer Ashigara went to? Where? How? Was it unauthorized? Did she sneak out? Who were the guys? Naval personnel, or just civilians in the area? Are shipgirls widely known, or a secret?

Anyway, Nagamon is going on about how if things have gone to plan, Uchuu Senkan’s main force and Akagi’s Kido Butai should’ve met up. They didn’t and they haven’t. Which means they’re also not engaging MI… yet.

17:36 – But in another jump cut, Kaga helpfully tells us that they have just entered bomber range of MI.

17:52 – So after that, we saw a chibi pilot fairy flying her seaplane scout… and sending a message back to Chikuma. Apparently, there’s an Airfield Hime at MI. RUH-ROH!

Oh, the major bosses in the KanColle game are called Princesses. Airfield Hime is particularly nasty. Which you and I would know if we played the game. Because, again, this is an ad/bonus content for it.

Still, mean-lookin’.

17:59 – So while everyone’s having an “oh shit” moment, Kaga’s just all, “If we bomb the bitch now, the surprise attack will work.” After all, a functional airfield when the battleships arrive would be… bad. Something Akagi, Kaga, Hiryuu, and Souryuu know all about, eh?

So, Akagi’s orders are to prep bombers and attack the Princess. Okay. And Hiryuu and Souryuu synchronize calling their attack and it’s kinda cute. (+1)

18:28 – Mouth sync seemed off for Kaga when she attacked. (-1)

18:44 – Akagi’s planes join… we see the Hime awaken and look skyward. Neat bit with zooming in on her eye, watching it dilate and narrow to focus. Then she takes an action pose, forms a couple ski-jump runways out of her body, and off go the Hellcats—ERR I MEAN ABYSSAL CAT FIGHTERS.

Also thicc buttcheeks. (-1)

19:12 – The bombers (I think they’re supposed to be Kates, since they don’t have fixed landing gear as the Vals would) swoop in, machine guns blazing. They get some fighters, the fighters get some of them. The bombs come in, and…

That looks painful.

19:24 – Whoof. That CGI… actually wasn’t bad on the second check for the time code (which wasn’t gotten until the third pass because why not). Anyway, Souryuu gives the report: successful surprise attack, the Airfield Hime is badly damaged! Hooray!

But after some cheering from Hiei and Yuudachi (and a gripe from Kitakami about having nothing to do), one of the scout planes messages, “River, river, river.” Which is “Kawa, kawa, kawa.” Kinda like… “Tora, tora, tora”? <_<

Ah, it’s the request for a second attack wave. Finish the job and all that. So Akagi is… taking time to think it over. Casualties are low, enemy response was minimal (“a small wave of attackers”)… so kit out the rest of the planes (arrows?) with bombs and take down the airfield for good. This is sounding familiar.

20:18 – Sync attack from 2nd CarDiv. Pretty sure they recycled the animation here. Cuteness canceled out by laziness. (-1)

20:35 – Ruh-roh… enemy plane over the carrier force. Kinda… jerkily moves into frame. Damn, I never noticed this before. But then, I wasn’t pausing and rewatching short sequences over and over. (-1)

AND ONE-EYED WO IS HERE. Damn, that empty eye socket and the stripped-away flesh around it is creepy. (+1)

20:43 – Holy what the Foob is this shit?

That’s not stylistic. That’s just… bad. (-3)

20:48 – Speaking of cursing by our protagonist, we finally rejoin her. Kongou’s rather concerned that Yamato hasn’t come, while Fubuki is feeling a disturbance in the Boat Force. Apparently, she can sense One-Eyed Wo… and that she has gotten much, much more powerful.

21:07 – Yeesh, the models on the Kido Butai girls are barely even animated in this shot. Just dragged ahead in the water. Some of the lighting looks off. (-1)

And a flight of Abyssal bombers are shooting up behind them. It’s Yuudachi who spots them and sounds the alarm. So everyone turns around and starts blasting. Yuudachi even uses her famous badass line, “Eeney meeny miney mo, so many targets!” (Rough translation) But this time she follows it with, “BUT I DON’T LIKE IT!” But her mouth barely moves while shouting her line. So grim humor is canceled, but just barely this time because I like it enough, by the bad animation. You’d think they’d save the money for the big finale action piece… but I guess Atago’s bouncing tits were more important.

21:28 – Akagi is shouting orders when Kaga screams, “Directly above!” Dive bombers hit both of them, and cannon fire pummels Akagi’s flight deck. A chunk blows off, severs her bowstring… which whiplashes to slash her cheek, which immediately wells up and runs with blood… just like in the dream. By the way, serious props to Yuka Iguchi’s voice acting as Kaga. It’s the first time we hear her seriously pressed, but it doesn’t seem at all out of place. Previously, she was only ever in fear for herself or Zuikaku. But now, when it’s the Pride of the Fleet being threated, that dandere façade breaks. (+1)

Moreover, Kaga herself is pretty badly hit, clutching her left arm. We see a battered Souryuu, just like the beginning and a determined Hiryuu dodging bombs. Abyssal bombers circle overhead while Hiei asks where the escort fleet is. She calls to Akagi for air support, but the carrier is out of action. Yuudachi plugs away some AAA, then spots even more baddies on the horizon. Cruisers and destroyers, bearing down on them.

Sadly, some of the models are very… off. (-2)

But that doesn’t stop them from firing on Akagi and Kaga, which… did NOT happen at Midway. It was the first naval battle where shipboard personnel never actually saw the enemy vesels. Akagi screams like Mahiru Inami seeing a male.

22:11 – Kitakami is blasting torpedoes that are tracking in with her guns, and says, “I’ll leave the right flank to you, Oicchi!”

Ohhh… and then big explosion which is actually really ambiguous about whether there’s a Kitakami in the middle of it or it’s just another boom on the battlefield. Back to Akagi, and she’s just watching the geysers go up as her fellow shipgirls prepare to go down fighting. “This was the one thing I tried to avoid.” Souryuu gets hit in a repeat of the dream of footage. “But…”
“AKAGI-SENPAI! ABOVE YOU!”

Dive bombers. “Maybe you can’t beat it.” Both Hiryuu and Souryuu shout silently toward Akagi as spoopy choral and deep brass music plays. Even Kaga awakes to reach out and look terrified. Bombs release. Air whistles through the fins, and we shoot past the bomb to Akagi’s eye, watching the reflection of the bomb as it closes in.

“Maybe you can’t beat fate.”

Cut to black.

A throat-rending, “AKAGI-SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!” is the last thing we hear before the closing credits.

And after that? “Next Time: Enemy Planes Dive-Bombing from Above!”

TOTAL SCORE: 0

A wash! This episode continues the trend of having glittering gems of brilliance and deep sinkholes of bad. Budget issues really let this episode down. I didn't really notice them the first time watching, but doing the reviews this way really brings them out. If not for that, this would probably be a double-digit positive with the action, setup, and some of the sweet moments leading up to the big finish.

As it is... well, let's just see how it ends?

And speaking of endings... White Day was recently celebrated in Japan. Here's a lovely KanColle White Day comic with our favorite cruisers.

[This message has been edited by Kousoku Senkan Moffgou (edited 03-16-2019 @ 11:12 PM).]

How come no one told me there were Imperials in Gundam? No wonder my special forces guy wanted to have gundams for his troops.



Also, why do reasonable military authority figures all look the same?

Capt. Okita from Space Battleship Yamato

EDIT: Err... didn't realize I was quad-Moff posting. But at least it's not about botegirls so maybe someone might reply. <_<

[This message has been edited by Uchuu Senkan Yamoffo (edited 05-24-2019 @ 05:10 PM).]