I found this manga named Criminale. Basically, it's about a guy who's a victim of all kinds of crimes, as in, every day of his life he suffers some sort of crime, and then, the class he ends up in after transferring schools is full of criminals too. Hilarity ensues.

Pretty fun stuff, some parts are NSFW because of a certain character, though, so no link.

Doesn't even have a Wiki page.

@Pops or whoever: Is there some handy extension or something that adds the "filter out completed/otherwise marked animes" option to MAL's search result lists similar to the one found in its seasonal anime search. Now that I've broken through 300 animes it's a bit inconvenient to browse for new stuff by utilizing the top ranked lists and normal search results. I do still have at least 50 animes in my to-watch folders so it's not yet a huge issue, but still

Hmm. Popey, what would you charge to watch a one-season anime on my recommendation (you'll wish I was talking about KanColle)?

Make me an offer, without revealing what the title is. It's more fun that way.

The reviews will be on my terms, but I promise I will watch up to 24 episodes and pay attention to at least 12

Edit: Okay, so the steam sale starts on Thursday. I'd suggest SUPERHOT, Oddworld - New 'n' Tasty, or Dark Souls II to get my interest.

[This message has been edited by Popeychops (edited 06-20-2016 @ 01:57 PM).]

*is ignored by Pops*

*cri*

I don't think there is, after a while you graduate from lists to recommendations, and eventually on from recommendations to watching anime as it airs and becoming a trendsetter.

Oh well

Up to twenty-four, huh? So what about two series of twelve each?

Depends how terrible they are

Well, if it's two... one is clearly neither bad nor good...

But the other is pretty atrocious and I'm already rethinking inflicting it on a friend. It's clear the review site I subscribe to was sent it because someone wanted to see that vile yuri fantasy garbage ripped to shreds...

You're not trying to get Popey to watch Super Lovers or that Dan Mashi-something or other, are you?

I mean, I think Sipia was joking when he suggested shipping you two.

Look up... if you dare... Kannazuki No Miko. But don't watch it. Better still, watch SFDebris.com's first eight reviews (Episode 8 came out today... it's the reason he does an episode every six months).

I'll do it for one of the three aforementioned games. If you agree, I'll start watching immediately in the expectation that you'll provide me with payment during the steam sale, when something is 75% off

You'll do KNM and KanColle?

Will you do fun, wall-o-text reviews?

As I said, the reviews will be on my terms. I'll identify the notable and disparage the boring. If an episode is filler, I'll identify it as such and won't waste words.

Edit: But I'll try my best

[This message has been edited by Popeychops (edited 06-20-2016 @ 04:25 PM).]

...No, no. Say it like a proper weeb. >_>



And... yeah, fair enough. Start with Kannazuki. Unless it's not on Crunchyroll or other 100% legal streaming service... then you may start with KanColle. It's time you learned the proper way to do your best. <_<

Okay, first write-up inbound. Hold on to your butts.

Kannazuki no Miko - Destiny of the Shrine Maiden

Episode 1: The Land of Eternity


0:05 – “Today we visit the Toast King, in his lovely apartment, on the moon.” [+2]

0:24 – Exposition over unanimated, panoramic backgrounds. Their budget really didn’t stretch to much, did it? I suppose the quality is at least passable given its age.

0:25 – Wait, what. What the hell is up with that grass? This animation is choppy as all hell! [-1]

0:26 – Aaaaand we’re back to the same scene we saw at 0:24. WTF? What kind of introduction is this? Who thought that random-ass grass shaking in the breeze was a good idea?

0:31 – Another momentary intermission in the panorama shot of the village, this time to see a loop of a babbling brook. My first impressions are pretty dismal, I have to be honest. [-1]

0:34 – Look, this is getting ridiculous. Just let me finish the damn panorama already! At least this looks like it will introduce some kind of plot elements, blonde curls indicate main-character potential.

0:49 – I’m sure we’re going to find out why the mountain is wearing a necklace. And why there’s a cross marking the top of it.
jk this is an anime

1:03 – The crest of those steps has been drawn with a ruler. It looks like two frames have been overlaid because they needed to fill more time as they panned up the hill. What the serious f*** is going on with this anime? [-2]

1:05 – And why is there a random-ass gate at the top, with no wall either side? The music is drawing to a close, and I sense that a theme song is imminent. This is like watching a football team defend for their lives, knowing that half-time is coming and they’ll have a chance to regroup. But we’re only a minute into the first episode. God help me. [-3]

1:10 – Nope, we’re still going. At least we’ve got the narrator’s name, Himeko. Oh, and she’s a dojikko. I’m guessing this other girl is going to be her brash and tomboyish foil, right? [+1]

1:46 – And she’s a perverted lesbian. Panty shot counter: 1 [-5]

1:50 – Screen fade into lingerie. Panty shot counter: 2, but it’s sparingly brief. Giggity

2:25 – That was thirty uninterrupted seconds of slideshow stills. [-2]

2:40 – Blue-haired girl and her quartet of lackeys are blocking Himeko’s path. I’m guessing she’s the rival/villain?

2:50 – Diving save and a hand-grab. Yuri shippers ahoy! Green-haired girl has the same expression as I have right now, and all of the girls pictured, barring Blue-haired girl, are actually quite cute designs. [+3]



3:13 – Oh, that grin is reminiscent of a shark circling its prey. Himeko doesn’t stand a chance against Miya.

4:00 – More exposition slideshow. Really, would it have killed you to throw in some more scenes where we can actually see the characters? [-2]

4:51 – Oh, is Miya going to be the tomboyish love-interest? The actual plot of this one seems a little bit interesting, at least.

5:32 – SYMBOLISM!



6:02 – SCHEMING!

7:30 – Okay, the talking has gone on for about a minute and a half, but nothing at all of importance has been said.

7:47 – So, they share the same birthday. Secret fraternal twins?

8:09 – “Bad to the Bone” plays. [+5] I’m guessing this dude is the heterosexual love interest?



8:17 – Conveniently he carries a spare lid with him, whenever he rides his dirt bike around town. And he also has no footpegs, for rider or pillion, and his foot is nowhere near the gear leaver. Also, he’s riding at considerable speed while taking a pillion who is wearing no protective clothing, and his own clothing is wholly inadequate for road or off-road riding. And her hair is ridiculously long. Basically, everything about this image is extremely unsafe. Don’t try this at home, kids. Always wear a condom full leathers. [-5]

8:27 – Why did he throw the helmet at her? If she drops it, it’s ruined. Those things are only good for one impact. One. [-2]

8:42 – Childhood friendship flashback. He burns a candle for her.

9:08 – Engagement rings. Blushing. Looks like she burns one for him too. [+2] for obviously requited affection this early.

10:11 – Whoa! Ninja lingerie flashing! Do we count that? You bet we count that. Panty shot counter: 3. At this point I’m not going to mark it down any further for these unless they feel excessively forced, or we might hit negative triple figures.

10:20 – Full-frontal mirrored Panty shot: 4. DOUBLE KILL!!!

10:34 – After tastefully cutting away to her face… you just couldn’t resist, could you? Panty shot counter: 5.

10:43 – This scene is the gift that keeps on giving. Panty shot counter: 6.

10:47 – And a flashcard of an Inari shrine, in case we’d forgotten the first five seconds. I sense supernatural elements…

11:07 – Is blue/green-hair bro secretly me? [+1]



11:36 – PHILOSOPHY

12:00 – Mary Sue-ifying monologue for Miya Chikane.

12:38 – Oh boy here comes the plot development [-3]

13:29 – That blood is a bit much.

13:55 – Who could have imagined it would turn out this way, indeed? This whole “plot development” montage seems incredibly forced. And in case it wasn’t obvious, I’d actually been enjoying the past ten minutes or so of this. It hasn’t been completely dreadful and the characters didn’t fall entirely flat. But the screaming, the bad guys doing unspecified bad guy things? This is primary-school level stuff. [-10]

14:07 – Not the Cool Creepy Cross! And why is this sultry villain Latina? That’s racial profiling!

15:00 – Okay, Heterosexual Love Interest (HLI) is secretly King Arthur.

15:40 – So she goes back to face the Eldrich abomination for Lesbian Love Interest’s (LLI) birthday present. [-4]

16:42 – HLI has glowing red eyes now, because reasons. [-1]

17:12 – Cleavage passing through the centre of the screen. Okay…

17:30 – LLI to save the day! But Main character is unconscious and needs CPR! Better tear open her shirt and fondle her! Panty shot counter: 7 [-5]

18:13 – CPR: Clean, Pretty, Reliable. Himeko doesn’t have any broken ribs, and has regained consciousness without medical intervention. [-15]

18:40 – Is that more of Sultry Latina Villain? I like her. She seems interesting. More interesting than LLI or Tomboy Foil. Give her some screen time. I’m going to ignore the giant nonsensical robot for now. [+1]

18:50 – Referencing the Bible, entirely out of context. [+1]



19:02 – It IS Sultry Latina Villain!

19:10 – “What will it take to revive him?” “Punch to the face?”

(I couldn't find a video of the quote I wanted, but whatever, this will do.)

19:30 – That sounds like the voice of HLI. I can’t really tell.

20:05 – Panty shot counter: 8. No, I don’t understand why, either.

20:42 – You know, kissing an unconscious person is sexual assault. [-5]

21:03 – Yep, my guess was right. It’s HLI. And LLI is making the moves on Himeko while he does all the hard work. Classless.

22:00 – And she’s enjoying it? Right. Yeah, drop the credits there, that’s the right time to call a halt to this trainwreck of a second-half. [+6]

22:59 – I’ve heard this song before! It’s actually a pretty decent ending, and fits thematically. The artwork is pretty nice, all flowing miko gowns, and leaves you under no illusions as to Himeko’s sexuality, as if the kiss left any room for ambiguity. [+10]

Verdict: Wow. That was a no-holds-barred thrill ride of an episode. It was awful, but like a trainwreck, I couldn’t tear my eyes away. If that were a one-shot OVA, I’d be laughing my arse off and loving it, calling it modern art. Indeed, if the animation quality were anything north of passable, it would be very watchable. But it wasn’t, and this is the first episode of a 12-episode series. What have I gotten myself into?

Final Score: -36

Rating: 4/10 (Bad)

[This message has been edited by Popeychops (edited 06-21-2016 @ 03:44 AM).]

Outstanding.

And yes, blue girl is fugly. And I'm going to continue my KanColle review because I like the military history side. (And I'm still writing Part Two of the writing contest entry)

You'll notice lots of 30 second gaps in this. In reality, my mind was thinking up rubbish to say at the rate it began with for the first few minutes, but I didn't want to burn out and take three hours to go through the writeup. I was pausing and typing on the fly, so it's all completely blind. That's why some of the predictions don't work out that well.

Oh God... I forgot about all of the shower scenes Chuck mentioned. Oh... God... what have I done?

Well, people need to know. THEY NEED TO KNOW, DAMMIT! BECAUSE I SAW THIS SERIES IN FYE! THEY NEED TO KNOOOOOOOOOOOW!

Kannazuki no Miko - Destiny of the Shrine Maiden

Episode 2: Overlapping Sun and Moon


0:16 – The morning after the night before. The town looks pretty messed up, but in all honesty, this would have had a better effect as the opening scene for the first episode. The slow panoramic shots didn’t really give me any kind of
investment into the village, and it was all gone so quickly. At least the animation budget has improved. [+2]

0:41 – Get back in the robot, Shinji! Very abrupt transition from the scene to the opening. Time for some early 2000s J-Trance. The opening really rubs salt into Heterosexual Love Interest’s wounds. I’ll still be calling him HLI.

2:19 – Meanwhile, in Versailles, Lesbian Love interest (LLI) is doing the ice-bucket challenge as penance for forcing herself on Himeko. And her nipples are visible right through her shirt. Nip slip counter: 1 [-5]

3:08 – Scene transition to a sleeping Himeko. And LLI is seated by her bed, watching over her. Creepy. [-3]

3:32 – Himeko remembers being kissed, without being asked, but says nothing. Was she into it, or did she feel violated? Instructions unclear, now shipping Himeko x HLI.

3:38 – Pointless transition to Himeko changing clothes. Panty-shot counter: 9 Thoughtless, needless. So far, this has been ponderously slow, underwhelming and meaningless character interaction. It feels very much like a hangover following the first episode, which did have a lot of likeable elements to it. I’m beginning to fear the worst; that this won’t just be bad anime, but boring anime. That’s unforgivable. [-10]

3:41 – Oh look, she has a mark that would be visible were she to put on any low-cut top. But because she’s an innocent, pure girl, she only wears shirts buttoned up to the collar. Cheap justification. [-2]

4:58 – Green-haired hat-bro does some exposition.


5:41 – Basically, when the Inari shrine on the moon collapses, God will come down and smite the earth. So that’s what the Apollo program was all about! The thought did raise a smile, but I’m laughing at my own jokes here. [+6]

6:10 – The priestess-heroines have to both be chaste maidens, which obviously means they can’t have straight sexual partners. But obviously, according to Japanese religious law, being a lesbian preserves your technical virginity so Himeko and LLI are free to frolic as they wish, smh. [-4]

6:52 – Villain montage! One of the 8 members of the council of evil (C of E) is a little girl playing dress-up as a nurse, wearing a bell around her neck, carrying an oversized hypodermic needle. As big as her. And she’s got a little fang tooth. She just looks so happy, I want to pick her up and swing her around like the bundle of joy she is. [+15]

6:53 – Gender ratio of the C of E: 6 female, 2 male. Equal opportunity evil. [+2]

7:05 – Adorable Nurse-chan is a catgirl. [+3]

7:50 – One of the other villains is mean to Adorable Nurse-chan ;_;

8:47 – Sultry Latina Villain is brooding over her loss to HLI, which amuses me slightly. Oh, and one of the 6 female villains is actually a male villain. Oh dear…

9:44 – And now we’re back to earth. Plot twist: HLI is a villain who unknowingly made a heel-face turn. This is being played for drama, but simply hasn’t developed the idea properly. This could have been something rather clever, but it’s just wasted some screen-time faffing around with angst. [-5]

11:13 – What the hell? Why are there two aircraft carriers in the harbour, and why did one of the C of E members destroy them in his own robot-suit? Okay, shooting the fist off was pretty badass, but you’ve just cut to the commercial break sequence after blowing your money shot on 5 seconds of action. This show basically fails on every level, but the writing and pacing is by far the worst. [-8]

12:55 – Himeko’s friend is far less concerned about her many injuries than Himeko herself. And she tells Himeko to GTFO when she starts crying. Ahhh, the frosty veneer is covering over her sadness about not being able to start her new job as inter-school first-year representative. I couldn’t make this nonsense up if I tried. [-5]

15:21 – LLI comforts Himeko with a picnic, during the middle of the night. I can’t even. [-5]

15:49 – LLI doesn’t want Himeko to go on some kind of journey that hasn’t been explained adequately. As far as I can tell, she plans to convince her to go through striptease. Panty-shot counter: 10. [-5]

16:28 – This was explained as “showing off the priestess symbol." *sigh* [-3]

17:47 – “We still have things we can do here.” Yes, I’m sure…

17:49 – A tall, scruffy guy, wearing a black trenchcoat and six feet of chains walks into your home, declares “Gotcha, priestesses!” and you don’t immediately assume he’s a bad guy? Of course, no sooner do you ask him who he is, will he declare his name and rank within the C of E. [-2]

18:05 – HLI is conveniently standing next to his giant mecha, and has been made aware that Himeko is in danger because reasons. Things are going downhill, very fast. [-1]

18:10 – 2Chainz has the hots for Himeko and LLI. Upskirt camera pan! Fortunately, it’s kept tasteful this time. See! This is the kind of restraint that leads to good design!

18:29 – LLI’s “boobs are too big, gross”. 2Chainz needs to sort his life out [-1]

18:34 – Whoa, that’s a bad touch. I’m sitting very uncomfortably here. But perhaps that’s the point?

18:40 – Right, hold on a minute. Firstly, where was LLI hiding a bow and arrow? Secondly, how did LLI manage to shoot three arrows at once into 2Chainz’s back? Thirdly, why is he able to clench his muscles and just pop them out? Fourthly, if it hurt, why isn’t he bleeding profusely? [-2]

19:05 – Not only does 2Chainz find “big-boobed girls” unattractive, but he hates them? Must have had a bad relationship in the past with a Playboy model.

19:17 – 2Chainz’s chains are obviously prehensile, as Himeko is dangling in the air, swinging her legs. Nothing is supporting the chain. Physics. [-4]

19:24 – HLI comes riding in on his white stallion dirt bike like a knight in shining armour school uniform. What happened to your skid lid, bro? That’s not safe! Also, this is taking place inside a house, and there are conveniently-placed doors for him to ride right through and take out 2Chainz, whose chains magically release the girls who were bound by them. This is a real fustercluck of a scene. [-5]

19:33 – Oh, the chains are still holding Himeko and LLI, they just aren’t attached to 2Chainz anymore. Why? [-3]

19:50 – LLI grimaces, realising HLI is her rival for Himeko’s affections. 2Chainz is angry at HLI for “confessing to his Hime”. But he didn’t do anything of the sort. I’m so confused.

20:00 – 2Chainz squeals a campy “Yahoo!” as he backward-somersaults blindly into his robot. [+5]

20:17 – HLI does his own camp somersault into his robot. It’s revenge time, indeed.

21:05 – The fight is actually quite well-balanced. Neither side is massively overpowered. I’m enjoying this! [+10]

21:18 – “Sparkling Solar Wave of Massive Destruction!” I spoke far too soon. [-5]

21:39 – Once again, LLI is putting the moves on Himeko while HLI does the hard work. Seriously, this is starting to become scummy. [-6]

21:52 – Himeko wants to stay with both LLI and HLI. Oh dear, when is someone going to break it to her?

Verdict: Well, that episode was a complete nightmare. The pacing was all over the place, and the good moments were interspersed with caveats. At least the promise of Catgirl Nurse-chan is something to look forward to. In the words of Comic Book Guy: “The action was dismal, and the nudity was frustratingly fleeting. I barely got going.”

Final Score: -39

Rating: 3/10 (Very Bad)

[This message has been edited by Popeychops (edited 06-25-2016 @ 08:18 PM).]

5:41 – Basically, when the Inari shrine on the moon collapses, God will come down and smite the earth. So that’s what the Apollo program was all about! The thought did raise a smile, but I’m laughing at my own jokes here. [+6]

-5 to review

Tits +6, but... sketchy ecchi tits so from that -2

6:10 – The priestess-heroines have to both be chaste maidens, which obviously means they can’t have straight sexual partners. But obviously, according to Japanese religious law, being a lesbian preserves your technical virginity so Himeko and LLI are free to frolic as they wish, smh. [-4]

That... actually made my stomach turn slightly.

21:18 – “Sparkling Solar Wave of Massive Destruction!” I spoke far too soon. [-5]

lel

Episode 2: Without Dissent, Without Shame, Without Resentment

0:02 - We return to the naval base... AT NIIIIIIIIIIGHT GET OFF ME SENDAI

0:06 - Mutsuki mumbles a bunch of ship names in her sleep. I did stop to look them up this time... and yep, they're sister ships. Also, the descending bunk ordering is Yuudachi, Mutsuki, Fubuki. This will be important in a couple episodes.

And it looks like Fubuki isn't in her bed.

0:11 - Fubuki pulls up her pants... brief panty shot. (-3)

0:23 - Fubuki runs into a yawning Sendai. Perhaps the night is waning, then... and her molesting powers weaken.

0:28 - Confirmed by, "Sendai-san! You're up early!" "No way! I'm going to bed!"

0:30 - "Nani? Turaingu?" There isn't a Japanese word for "training"?

And yes, Fubuki is getting in some fitness training SO HER FAT ASS DOESN'T SLOW EVERYONE DOWN! Big butts are for battleships. <_<

0:51 - And the sun comes out to smile on Fubuki's hard work. How sweet. (-1)

Your cliche can suck a torpedo. >_>

0:58 - "Okay, I'll do my best!" Fubuki jogs in place, watching the sun rise.

1:00 - "Aim for MVP--*trip* WA DA HAAAA DA KA GA"

...That was cute. It makes me smile. And kinda made me want to pat her on the head. (+1)

1:08 - THERE IS NO NEED TO CALL NAMES, KANCOLLE!

The opening credits are lovely, aside from the potty mouth--AND HOLY SHIT JUST NOTICED THE SUBLIMINAL APOCALYPSE SHOT
(+1)

2:36 - Long title long desu.

2:38 - Cheery upbeat music... and we meet Inazuma and Ikazuchi! I'm sure Hibiki behind them finds it very khorosho.

2:42 - Nanodesu Count +1

2:44 - "Like, let me see, Fubuki-chan!" "Again?"
Ohhhhhh myyyyyyyyyy. And the shipping ships begins!

2:56 - Ikazuchi clarifies--finally--that Yuudachi is talking about copying Fubuki's homework and not inspecting her... armaments.

2:58 - Inappropriate Poi use. (-1)

3:06 - Mutsuki rats out Yuudachi to Kisaragi. Damn, girl. That's cold. That's just cold. And some quick backstory that they're sister ships and very close.

3:18 - Good morning, Shameless Bunny. Stop heiling; Bismarck isn't here yet.

3:20 - OMG YOU HAVE THREE RENSOUHO-CHANS?! (+3)

Who would've thought five-inch twin gun turrets could be so cute?

3:25 - I can't tell if the animation was lazy or if, after heiling, Shimakaze is goosestepping. (-1)

3:27 - "Ara? Did you get shorter again, Akatsuki-chan?"
...Ouch. I'm going to let that cancel out the coccyx/teasing buttcrack shot.

3:31 - Inappropriate khorosho. (-1)

3:34 - Sparkly wipe and now we're in class! The class is led by the Heavy Cruiser Ashigara. Is she a TA, or an actual teacher? As I said, only Akagi is ever given the honorific of "senpai."

Also... this is destroyer class. That amuses me. (+1)

Also, Fubuki as the FNG is stuck at the back of the room. Loser.

3:40 - This whole sequence is delightful. (+5)
Ashigara: "Let's pick up where we left off... Yuudachi!"
Yuudachi: "H-hai!" (No poi! )
A: "What makes the oxygen torpedo, the primary weapon of torpedo squadrons like us, so effective? If you get this right, I'll take away half of the extra homework I assigned as you punishment *massive pile of homework shown*"
Y: "Really? Uh, uh..."

3:57 - "If you listened to yesterday's class like a hungry wolf--"
Two things:
1. Apparently this is several days after Fubuki's arrival, as she came on a Sunday when there were no classes.
2. The real Ashigara was part of a naval review in the UK for the coronation of King George VI. A British observer who toured the ship noted the spare accomodations and generally rough life of the sailors, and noted they were like "hungry wolves."

The IJN took this as a compliment, and Ashigara herself picked up the sobriquet of "the Hungry Wolf."

"--this would be an easy question for you." She finishes while menacingly snapping her pointer.

Why do anime teachers get to do all of these things I can't?

4:05 - "I'm sure but... poi" is the caption, but Yuudachi says "poi" three times. Which leads to..

4:07 - "If you keep saying 'poi,' I'm going to 'poi' you away with my 20cm cannons!" Delivered with a big smile! And mine matches. (+5)

4:13 - Mutsuki whispers to Kisaragi about Ashigara's temper. The reply also evokes amusement and envy. Let's see!

4:16 - "She didn't meet anyone at her last mixer--" BOOM HEADSHOT WITH THE CHALK... AND KISARAGI GOES DOWN (+1)

4:20 - "No talking in class," Ashigara cheerily admonishes. WHY CAN I NOT DO THESE THINGS WHILE TEACHING (+1)

Oh, and this makes an already-freaking-out Yuudachi LOSE HER SHIT MORE

4:24 - So Fubuki comes to her roomie's rescue and whispers the answers to her. I wish my students would do that for each other. But I also wish I could teach about torpedoes and naval artillery instead of Lewis structures.

Also, oxygen torpedoes are bitchin' because they have long range, good speed, and carry a shitton of boom. When you get them in World of Warships at Tier VI, two-hitting a battleship is a thing. And you shoot them six at a time.

Poi poi poi!

4:50 - Fubuki goes next and explains that, unlike compressed air-driven torpedoes, oxygen torpedoes produce pure carbon dioxide... which dissolves nicely in water, cutting down on bubbling and making the torpedoes stealthier. One point for chemistry trivia. (+1)

ALSO FUBUKI IS A NERRRRRRRRDDD

5:07 - Ashigara is impressed by Fubuki's technical knowledge... then notes, "You know everything you need to, so why..."

5:08 - Jump cut to a screaming Fubuki windmilling and falling on her ass while trying to sail. Hee. I guess the full statement was, "You know everything you need to... SO WHY U SUCK SO MUCH SKRUBLORD"

5:12 - Ouuuchh... she drags her head for a solid two seconds. Sympathy point. (+1)

5:26 - "Tone, she's top-heavy." She's flat as a board. Unless you mean her giant head. <_<

Also, Tone sounds so much like Anzu I actually looked it up last time I watched this episode. Sadly... Anzu's VA isn't anywhere in KanColle. I'm sure dried potatoes would cure Fubuki; they're a surefire cure for seasickness.

5:46 - And face-plant, hard, into a piling. Damn. (+1)

5:59 - An idol's aura? Naka... God, this is why everyone scraps you. I hope Chud has gotten--and scrapped--you for your 2 fuel, 4 ammo, and 11 steel

6:01 - Followed by her cheering that her role as the center is safe. Congrats... Yazawa Nico is now more sympathetic than you. >_>

6:06 - HOW DO YOU MISS THE SECRETARY SHIP, WHO IS SEVEN FEET TALL, STANDING NEXT TO YOU?! (-1)

6:09 - Sendai and Jintsuu salute (in their weird way)... while Naka screams, "It's me, Naka-chan!"

6:10 - Followed by Sendai righteously--and without looking--clubbing Naka over the head with her fist. (+1)

6:13 - Fubuki is not having a good time getting into condition... which gives Nagato many concerns. Even the reserved and proper Jintsuu lets slip, "What is the admiral thinking?"

This is juxtaposed against a brief shot of a flailing Fubuki skittering from side to side across the screen, screaming. It's kinda comedic, but it's played as a serious shortcoming. (-1)

6:27 - Nagato explains that Fubuki's class are designed for fleet combat (...as opposed to all of those other Special Type destroyers?) and thus is necessary for upcoming battles. She has the sheer firepower to turn the tide.

Except, um, the Akatsukis are an air-defense version of the Fubuki, and are actually improved versions (in US parlance, they'd be Flight III Fubukis). But the producer really wanted to raise Fubuki's profile in the game, so... she's special now. And not just because she's the Special Type destroyer; that was actually the designation given by the IJN to the Fubuki, Ayanami, and Akatsuki-class destroyers.

6:45 - In attempt to cheer up a depressed Fubuki at the cafe (after the disastrous training), Yuudachi hand-feeds Fubuki an orange. Last time we saw this... was Ooi and Kitakami. NO SKETCHY ECCHI YURI, DAMN YOU (-2)

6:58 - Fubuki is doubtful of Mutsuki's encouragement, asking "Will I?" when told she'll get better, just like Mutsuki did.

7:05 - Fubuki then laments that there's never been a shipgirl as bad at... boat stuff as her. Mutsuki demands to know who is saying such a thing...

7:06 - And our protagonist points the finger right at Yuudachi...

7:09 - Who, in response to Mutsuki's shrieking outrage, responds, "There's no point in lying." Goddamn girl, you are f**king savage. (+1)

7:27 - Fubuki's depression vanishes, however... when she realizes she could learn at the feet of Akagi-senpai. Oh no...

7:34 - Yuudachi points out her new friend is borderline bipolar with a mood swing like that. And Mutsuki points out that Akagi is a fleet carrier. She... doesn't do destroyer things. And destroyers can't do carrier things.

These are irrelevant points as Fubuki literally gets starry-eyed over Akagi.

7:46 - So we're off to the baths to find Akagi-senpai!

...Yes, of course there are baths. This is Japan. And anime. This is Anime Japan.

7:59 - The scale measures in thousands of tonnes. What is that bunk bed made of? (+1)

8:06 - No, no Mutsuki. The thing Fubuki has for Akagi... no homo. She just wants to be like her. Even though you're totally different ship classes with totally different uses. It's nothing like this:


8:20 - A noise from inside the bathhouse (they're in the... locker room?) and Fubuki thinks its Akagi. Well, that's a reasonable assumption. What isn't is her immediate charge through the doors...

8:27 - And straight into a pair of breasts that I'll bet some anime artists would consider excessive.

With comedy "bwoooom" sound effect. (-1)

8:30 - And then her face pulls free with a vacuum seal "pop" sound and some serious gainaxing of Atago's, err, fuel tanks.

8:45 - "Did you come to the docks because you're hurt? Your nose is a little red." Sweetheart, she was just ears deep in your cleavage. The raw heat transfer--putting aside any kind of blushing, embarassment, discomfort-- would probably redden her nose. Also, that vacuum seal between her face and wet skin tends to lead to some minor capillary leakage in the upper layers--oh screw the sciencing. OF COURSE HER FACE IS RED

8:55 - Yuudachi and Mutsuki have, somehow, treated back behind the curtain entrance to the locker room (before, they were well inside the room) and stare at Fubuki's escalating ordeal. Creepers.

8:57 - The animator had far, far too much fun drawing Atago's bouncy rack as she tells Fubuki to say "banzai."

9:00 - Banzai! *glorp sound effect* You just made busty blondes gross, asshole. (-2)

9:09 - And then Atago yanks Fubuki's top off. Fortunately, she does wear a little pink bra (based on the straps on her shoulders; we thankfully don't see much). Fubuki is not happy.

9:12 - And meanwhile, her roommates are still watching... and then they run away as Atago shouts, "And now, banzai the bottom!"

What's coming up is probably the most uncomfortable--in terms of exploitation--content in the series. So I'm just gonna take five points off now. (-5)

Very sketchy, much ecchi.

Also, another minus five for Fubuki-butt in addition to overall stuff. (-5)

10:01 - "I hear sounds of sexual pleasure. I'm in!"

However, we do learn the mechanism of the baths: they're repair docks. And Akagi takes forever to fix. And there are things called instant repair buckets.

10:45 - Akagi really, really, really likes the instant repair bucket.

10:55 - Akagi also really, really, really likes curry. As in... she has a mound of it that reaches from the top of the table to Fubuki's eye level. This... actually still amuses me. (+1)

And she moans while eating the curry. Not my thing, but I can see why some sick weeb freaks want to, uh, service her catapult.

11:36 - Fubuki won't give away the secret of Akagi's appetite... even though she was eating in front of the entire cafe.

12:01 - Sendai explodes into the room... and barks "TOKUGATA KUCHIKUKAN!" When we make our own, AoKH version of KanColle Abridged... we'll keep that part of Sendai's lines in Japanese. So practice, Helper!

12:03 - Scary music as Sendai advances on the just-in-bed Fubuki, cheers "Extra training time!' and then grins... well... just look.


DAYUM HELPER-BOAT. YOU SCARY.

12:18 - "Your balance sucks, so stand on this ball in the middle of the night."

12:31 - Fubuki actually says, "But it's the middle of the night!" Unfortunately, she says this to Sendai... who responds with a genuinely confused, "So?" (+1)

12:37 - And Fubuki steps on...

12:45 - And she's on on her ass.

12:50 - Mutsuki has been taking savagery lessons from Yuudachi. "This looks like it'll take a while. Let's go to bed!"

13:06 - You can actually see the sun coming up behind Sendai when she says, "You're not getting any better."

13:14 - But because Fubuki won't quit despite falling on her ass from nightfall till dawn, she now has the "soul of a torpedo girl."

13:23 - Episode title drop. Roll cred--wait, this isn't Cinema Sins.

13:42 - So after being up all night playing with Sendai's balls, Fubuki staggers off to bed...

13:58 - Just in time for Jintsuu to drag her off to gunnery practice.(+1)

14:06 - Jintsuu repeats Sendai's comment about Special Type destroyers being heavily armed, and so require better balance. Hence standing on the balls at midnight... and now floating with a 5" gun turret in your hand! These people would never make it in the NRA.

14:13 - Fubuki takes a practice shot... and can't even get her shots to land close enough for the targets to be in the same frame.

14:20 - Jintsuu gently reminds Fubuki that the key is slowly upping her accuracy... so she'll only hold Fubuki until she scores one hit.

14:30 - This sparks utter horror from poor, sleepy Fubuki. Utter, adorable horror. (+1)

14:47 - +1 Nanodesu

14:52 - And now it's Naka's turn to "help" Fubuki.

15:40 - "The most important thing for a fleet girl is how they're going to become an idol." I swear to God, Naka... this is why, if you are ever in World of Warships... I'm going to torpedo you over and over.

15:59 - And now Fubuki must sing. I've only heard Sumire Uesaka sing "Katyusha," so... However, the song is so amusingly bad J-Pop that I have to give a half point. (+0.5)

16:22 - And then just before the singing starts, Naka bails to grab Kitakami to teach Fubuki torpedo stuff. Because, you know, as a torpedo-armed light cruiser, Naka couldn't do that!

16:35 - One of the few times I'll empathize with Ooi. "Get lost. Shoo! Shoo!" (+1)

16:39 - Naka grabs Kitakami's hand... and Ooi flips her shit.


16:51 - Ooi drags Kitakami off, and Naka complains, "I don't get her at all!"

16:53 - "That's my line," glowers Fubuki. (+2)

17:08 - Fubuki realizes that the Sendai sisters are trying to help her... but she's utterly beat.

17:13 - The sheer fear and dismay in poor Fubuki's face as Sendai bursts in... the show may be crap, but damn... Fubuki needs a hug.

Nothing weird, just a hug.

17:19 - Mutsuki's putting a stop to this shit. (+1)

17:41 - "Can you please not drive my love interest to suicide plsthx?"
...Okay, okay. I'm putting lilies in Mutsuki's hair without any real justification. So far. <_<

18:05 - Unfortunately, there's a major op coming up. And if Fubuki isn't up to scratch, Nagato is going to have the admiral transfer her to another fleet. Damn. So, while they may have pushed too hard--aside from Naka being an idiot--the Sendai sisters really had her best interests at heart.

18:28 - However... Fubuki has taken to training herself, and in the yard, doing calisthenics. No points off for the short-shorts.

18:37 - KONJO. And Fubuki proves she truly has the soul of a torpedo girl and is worth bringing up to snuff.

19:42 - I love this music without apology or reservation. (+3)

Also, training montage time.

20:12 - Brief interruption for Ooi to drag off Naka and give her a goodbeating.

20:32 - Kitakami gives her torpedo lesson while her wannabe waifu fumes.

20:54 - ...Ouch, another faceplant on the obstacle course.

21:22 - Official run on the obstacle course, adminstered by Tone and observed by Nagato. Fubuki is covered in bandaids... and then does a sweet slalom.

21:48 - And then she stumbles.

22:00 - So Fubuki isn't quite combat-ready... but by God, she'll keep trying! Isn't that inspiring?

NO THAT'S HOW YOU GET THE SHIP GIRLS DEPENDING ON HER KILLED

22:41 - "Okay! Great job getting back on your feet! I'll give you credit for that!" That sums up the good parts of the series, unfortunately.

23:04 - Six ship assault and everyone is depending on on the five cruisers and destroyers... and the new girl who still cannot drive or shoot. But she has guts!

Just don't get them on you. >_>

Series Kaga Smiles: 1
Episode Nanodesu: 2
TOTAL SCORE: +8.5

Next episode is pretty action-oriented.