Blackheart day 1,

Sent two heroes out exploring...

ts

Goodfella, Day 1

Never thought much of how I got my name. We was always just hanging out, me and those boys, and we got to calling ourselves that. Ya know, you'd introduce each other to some other guys, and you'd say, "Hey, you're gonna like this guy, he's a good fella." Yeah, I guess that's kinda how it happened.

Anyways, we was pulling this job, see, down inna caves. When what in the flying (censored) comes round but news a some sorta pirate out there on the surface. Anyways, he's a coming in here, guy by the name of Blackheart. And me and the boys, see, we get saying, "Blackheart, what the (censored) kinda name is that? Mother(censored) thinks he's all tough and some (censored)?" Sorry, I gotta watch my language, ya know, but that's how we talked, ya know, when it was just me and the boys. Anyways, cut a long story short, we figure he's some new outfit gonna try and muscle in on our territory, so we figure its time to call out the dogs, so to speak.

Me and Red go down to the joint to spring somma our boys what got pinched. We pull out Humperdink (ya, I know, it ain't no kinda name for a gangster, but what the (censored), ya know, his Mom called 'em that and he loves his Ma.) Well, one of them boys got what they call the uh, the uh... oh yeah, the Dominate ability. That's it. Anyways, we know that with that guy on our team, this Blackheart is going down, big time! So all in all, things are going good and we ain't sweatin' it too much, ya know?

Blackheart day2,

What couriers brought no reports from my two explorers?
Grrr!

There is some job open for a courier.

ts

Goodfella, Day 2

Hey, how ya doin'? Yup, back here. Best (censored)pizza in all of town, eh? So where were's we? Oh yeah, I was telling ya bout this here war we was in with that pirate mother-(censored) Blackheart. Ya know, its funny. Only one day later, and we's got quite a response building up, if ya know what I mean. Only one problem, see, is the money. Don't got enough loot to finance such an operation. So Humperdink (yeah, yeah, quit laughing, he's actually a tough little (censored)) and some of the boys go down to the farm, and 'persuade' some of the local hobbits to pay their protection money. And Dhal, he says he ain't waiting for no backup, and he goes down to the mill, and now that place is paying up too. Picked up some resources, too. I swear, they was just lying around. Well, there were these humans, actually, and they was guardin' 'em, but we 'convinced' them to give the stuff up to us. Yeah, we killed those (censored) dead, all right. Haha. So money problems? Aww, forget about it!

Well, most of the rest of the boys, including Red, is moving out to other objectives. I tell you, this Blackheart and his outfit gonna seriously regret the day they stepped onto our turf, capiche?

Blackheart day 3,

Finally some reports. Whaaat!?! Losses! Somebody will have to pay for this!

ts

Don Goodfella, Day 3

Hey pally, come on over. Eh, we was just having some drinks here. Whatchya drink? Whisky, eh? Well then, make it two whiskys, Sam.

Yeah, we's having a little celebration here. Big day. You wanna know, our boy Humperdink led his crew gainst some tribal witch-doctor type what was leading a whole pack of damn dirty apes. Well, five outta the six opponents we faced now kiss Don Goodfella's ring. What else you wanna know? Dahl spotted some of those bloody pirates of that Blackheart off the shore, and that crazy (censored), he went after 'em single-handed. I (censored) you not, I thought he was gonna get whacked for sure. But that boy done loaded up on spells over the past couple days, and he's no slouch. He sent 'em all to sleep with the fishes. Haha, nighty night, you pirate (censored)! Hahaha. Yeah, 'nother round, eh?

Only one problem, though. Its the money, see? We done seduced, dominated and control animal'ed so many (censored) units, we's having economic difficulties. Not enough (censored) gold, that's what I calls it. We gots to find some new sources of the stuff, fast. But with the organization getting so many guns in it these days, that oughta be no problem. Eh, badda-boom-badda-bing, and we gonna have these pirates sunk!

Blackheart,

Goodfella??, He should be called luckyfella, by his luck is about to change.

ts

TS, too darn tired to write anything right now. Off to bed!

Blackheart,

Today we got fortunate to acquire a special item, "old cow horn", now we mush figure it out what it is used for???

We got it, Goodfella must have lost one of his favorite cows, we can give him this horn back for a chest of gold.

ts

Goodfella, Day 4

Yeah, so not much ta report today, eh. Found some funky magic area. Full of that magic (censored). Don’t go for it, myself. Keeps my axe handy, but it sure turns that Goodfella’s boat. Yeah, this is Red, and ya might say I’m Don Goodfella’s right hand man. ‘Cept I ain’t no man, I’m a (censored) dwarf, get it? Yeah, led some attack today on some draco-muther(censored) was guarding some resources. Just came up to ‘em and said, ‘Yo! This here (censored) is our (censored), so beat it ya (censored) (censored) (censored) mother (censored)!’

Well, that got their attention, believe you me. The boys made short work outta ‘em. Don’t call those guys veterans for nothing, ya know. Those guys is deadly. ‘Specially when theys enchanted to the max with stone skin and enchant weapon. Kinda mother (censored) ya don’t wanna mess with, ya know? Heard Dahl snagged hisself some resources too, while Humperdink – yeah, I know, it’s a stupid name. Goodfella denies it, but I tells ya, its (censored) embarrassing working wit a guy whats named Humperdink. Anyways, Humperdink, he’s on some sort of ‘recruitment mission’. Since he picked up that slave net, which, I might add, came in addition to his ability to control animals and (censored), he’s been the mother (censored) apple of the (censored) boss’s eye.

Whoops, shouldn’t swear about the boss. This friend of mine did one time. Ya know he still works for old Goodfella, too. You’ve met him before, I think. Goes by name of four-finger Tony. That’s four fingers, total, I might add. Anyways, have we got those pirate (censored) under the mother (censored) gun? Ya bet your sweet (censored)!

Authors note: ‘Here’s a fun game: guess the swear words!’ – james.

Sorry, turn not played yet. Been a couple of busy nights with the family. Will play tomorrow night.

james.

ts

Don Goodfella, Day 5

Eh, easy there! Almost stepped on my shoes! Yeah, those are 400 GP apiece, pally, so just be careful, uh? Today we initiated a new brother into the family. I'm proud to say that Grggl is now a made man, er, uh, a made goblin. Yeah, yeah, I know, another funny name. You's wondering what kinda family gonna be scared of a mob what has chiefs named Humperdink and Grggl in it. Well, they may gots funny names, but they's tough mother (censored), let me tells ya.

Also recruited a number of other enforcers, including this elf babe what rides a unicorn, an elephant rider, and a beetle rider. Hired the elf, but the others? Well, lets just say our dominators and seducers 'made them an offer they couldn't refuse', understand? Picked up a bunch of gold too, but that's only a temporary solution to these economic difficulties we got. Heh, listen to me, sound like a (censored) professor or something. Anyways, no sign of those pirates since we killed their spy. Don Goodfella figures they's brewing some big army up to take us out. Gotta hand it to the old man, he's always thinkin' ahead. Guess that's how he gots to where he is, while us goons bang the heads, uh?

Blackheart day 7,

There are some elfs in sight to wipe out.

ts

Goodfella, Day 6

Hey, what's happening? Yeah, we's just hanging out here all afternoon, ya know. Not much to do today down here inna caves. Heard them elf (censored-censored) got some action up there on the surface, clearing some campsite, but down here, its just walkin' around and (censored). Oh wait, I forgot, we done cleared a crow-cage, but those (censored) little (censored) were so weak, it don't count. Anyways, money remains tight, on account of we just keep expanding the troops every (censored) day. What we needs is a new city, ain't took one in awhile. No idea what those guys, Humperdink and Grrgl, or whatever that goblin's name is, are up to. I think theys just wandering around looking for loot a some sort, ya know. But we signed up another chief today. Some orc (censored), I can't remember his name. That's five of us made men to lead Don Goodfella's enforcers. That ain't bad, but now we just need some (censored-censored, censored-censored) gold to pay those boys fore they get all uppity and start working for the other side.

Don Goodfella, Day 7

Hey, you're back. Yeah, things are busier here. We gotta get on the move. Whoah, Pauly, watchit with that crossbow, will ya? Dumb palooka don't know the safety is off. Anyways, yeah, we's busier than ants in a candy factory, if ya know what I mean. Word is that those pirates are close, and they's might be going after our elf boys up top. Dahl's been alerted, and he took his crew up to this shipwreck and his druid done tamed 4 crocodiles to take big bites outta some pirate (censored).

But we thinks those pirates got some things of their own to be worrying about, eh? You familiar with the phrase, "Baruk Khazad! Khazad aimenu!"? Don Goodfella figures our gold problems gonna be fixed real soon.

Blackheart day 8,

My pirates keep pillaging all that comes in their way.

ts

Don Goodfella, Day 8

Yo, what's up? Hey, ya, we's doin' fine up here. Sure it ain't the caves what were used to, but it ain't so bad. Heard that Gurgl and his crew cleared another recruitment structure. Couldn't hire nothing outta it, but we had one of the boys stand guard outside so's we can get some extra troops when the money situation turns round soon. More interesting was this guy what we dominated bustin' in to the joint. Muther-(censored) got four (censored) arms, fer (censored) sake! Ugly brute, but has the look of a bruiser. Figure he'll come in handy. Took another node, and that helps what with the magic and all.

I don't know where those pirates is, they said they was gonna wipe our boys the elves out, but word from over the water is they's all no-shows so far. Now, I ain't saying those elf guys is invincible and stuff, but they's quite the crew up there by now, and if those pirates got some crew what's bigger and meaner, I'll be surprised. Anyways, me and the boys keep on marching towards that there town what we saw. We'll keep ya posted, know whadda mean?

Blackheart day 9,

We will have to take care of the dwarf hiding in the mountains, do we need a plan for that, no brute force is the best cure for most of the problems.

ts

Don Goodfella, Day 9

Eh, come on over here to the bar! Have a drink. Yeah, have another. We's celebratin'! First major victory over them pirates. Course, that town wasn't much defended, but eh, a victory is a victory. Solved our gold problem, pretty much. Well, we still need a bit more, but there's another town on the horizon we can reach tomorrow, so that'll take care of that. Yeah, those humans didn't know what the (censored) hit 'em, eh? When our veterans came up on 'em and gave 'em a whack from each enchanted axe. Haha, Humperdink led 'em in, which freed up me to snatch a nearby farm.

Grgrl and Birglswagl, or whatever the (censored) that orc's name is, they took a couple towers, and now we's all seeing alot better. But there's no threats to be seen, and that's got the Don all worried. Says he don't like how easy this has been, and that the big guns of those pirates must be lurking out there. I say, eh, we just won a good battle, the kind where all the boys walk away, so lets have a little celebration and worry bout those (censored) pirates tomorrow, eh? Salute!

ts

Blackheart day 11,

Moving...

ts

Don Goodfella, Day 10

Hey, what's happening, yeah, what's happening? Red's out raiding some nodes and stuff. Names Grggl. Everyone calls me Grggl Two-times, but I don't know why, don't know why. Anyways, us in the family Goodfella, we keeping busy, real busy. I took killed some orcs guarding a recruitment structure today, today. Well, except one of 'em that my satyr dominated. Not bad, nabbed us a shaman, a shaman. Bigger news is that Birgswagle and his crew captured a town, and dominated an engineer in the process, in the process. Yeah, me and Birgswagle go way back, we do. We don't mind helping out these dwarves, cuz there's always plenty of loot in the job, in the job. Just don't want no filthy pirates down here, messing things around. We gonna give 'em a left and a right, and a left and a right. Yeah, they'll get a couple of good hits, a couple of good hits, if they come down here. Hang on a second, gotta check my math, check my math...

Blackheart,

Expanding, conquering...

ts

Arghh, falling behind in logs. Falling behind in turns too, and I apologize. Family responsibilities and school very heavy at the moment.

Don Goodfella, Day 11

Red: Yo, Grggrl, what's the deal?

Grggrl: What you talking bout Red, what you talking bout? Why you calling me up on the crystal, anyways? Don't you got work topside, topside?

Red: Yeah, but Don Goodfella himself asked me to have a word, if ya know what I mean. We heard you had a bit o' trouble with a crypt.

Grggrl: Oh yeah, that thing. Well, it happens, ya know, it happens. Ya lose some of yer crew now and then, big (censored) deal, eh? No big deal.

Red: Yeah, but word is you lost a mother-(censored) SATYR, ya stupid (censored). The old man, he's super-(censored) pissed, ya know.

Grggrl: Eh, watch that language, Red, I don't deserve that, deserve that. You dwarf boys outta wise up and stop treating us goblins and orcs like we was some two bit outfit. If we hadn't a joined up with the Don, you guys would still be stuck in yer little corner, yer little corner.

Red: You outta watch what you say about the Don, there gobbo.

Grggrl: Yah, I don't got nothing gainst him, mind you, don't get me wrong, get me wrong. Don Goodfella's known even in the goblin circles as the toughest boss round, and we's glad to be working with him. Just some of his dwarf boys think they're all better cuz they's the same race as the Don, that's all I's saying, all I's saying.

Red: You just make sure you gather a big enough army to meet your objectives, ya dumb (censored), or the Don's gonna have you fitted for cement sneakers, capiche? You can't go losing a satyr and not think it ain't gonna get noticed.

Grggrl: Yeah, yeah, stop bustin' my nuts, my nuts, ya (censored-censored), ya (censored-censored).

Red: Yeah, you just watch it there boy. I'll be seein' ya. -mutters under his breath- Geez, can't wait till this job's over and we can double-cross these goblin and orc (censored), specially this double-talking (censored-censored-censored) friggin' (censored)!

EDIT: forgot I made Grggrl into a Johnny Two-times character.

[This message has been edited by JamesEde (edited 10-31-2009 @ 09:20 PM).]

Blackheart,

It was a busy day, there was poison, fire, lightning and of course brute force from both sides, but we managed to come out victorious. Next tasks will be even harder.

ts

Don Goodfella, Day 12 and 13

Hello. This is Birgswagl. I'm an orc of few words. I don't know why the Don asked me to report here, since he usually sends the chiefs what has more way with talkin'. Guess some of those guys been fightin'. Such as it is, the past couple days been eventful. Captured resources, cleared a shipwreck. You get the picture. Big news is I myself whacked one of them pirate leaders. Cap'n Allweather by name. Didn't have much on 'em. Just a bag of dust and an old cow horn. Dust made me feel funny, might try a bit more tonight. My crew and I also killed some pirates he was with. But there's more about, and one down in the caves. Bad news. The Don will clear it out. Anyways that's more talkin' then I done in months, so if you'll excuse me...

Don Goodfella, Days 14-15

Yo, Red here. Long time no talk, eh? Yeah, that Grgrl is a (censored), but he done good now. Took out another of them pirate's made men. They can't have too many small bosses left, now I bets. But Grgrl says there's one still down there inna caves, and a powerful one at that. Too bad he's all alone now. Leastwise, we think he's all alone. Could have some more of his crew lurking up ahead near that halfling town. But Grgrl says he done got a runemaster, a beetle, a stegodon (whatever that is, eh?) and two bats to back him up, all loaded with enchantments, so he ain't too worried.

Me? I'm stuck on some dessert island. Had to teleport my ring to Birgswagle to take out that Allweather guy. I got Dahl and some others with me, but they's not the best company. One of 'em is a gargoyle, the other a fairy, the other a hydra. So unless I's wanting to be discussin' the finer points of pixie dust (which I don't use, by the way, strictly an alcohol person, myself), I just spend my days talking to Dahl. And he don't stick round long enough to talk much. Keeps leading those others off to targets in the area, showing up again at night while I spend the day on the beach. Gots nothing to do, know what I mean? Dwarfs don't go to no (censored) beaches, that's fer sure.

Birgswargle keeps finding more treasure, and Humperdink is holding down that island with the human town we captured a while back. Biggest problem is money. Oh yeah, and mana, that's also a problem. I tells ya, might be the best thing we could do is to have a big mother-(censored) knock down fight with them pirates. So long as us chiefs survive, it might be useful to clear out some of the rabble we've collected in the ranks. But eh, that strategy stuff? That's for the Don and his brain-guys to decide. Me, I's just chop off the heads, ya know? Or leastwise, I'd like to do some head-choppin', 'cept I'm stuck on this (censored-censored) island.

--------------------
Dear all,

This game is now officially closed.
JamesEde, please send the turn you have just played to me, asap.
Also, please send me your passwords!

You are welcome to finish this game by yourselves, though, but no turns played after this post will be valid for tournament purposes.

Thanks!

SMUki informed me he is conceding the game. Congratulations to JamesEde who will face Morgul666 in the quarter final.

I am a bit surprised about this. I knew I was doing good, but had not scouted enough to know what you were holding in your territory Smuki. I hadn't seen much more than boats and pirates so far, and never in such numbers as to be threatening, but I had problems of my own, such as a money shortage (I had only about +10/turn and was living off of structure sales and plunder), and NO BOATS! I was starting to consolidate my water units, but had no money for ships until I cleared a few more treasure sites or took another town.

Reminded me of Napolean (or Hitler) facing the English. Unbeatable land army against an unbeatable navy defending an island. Thats a bit of an exaggeration, as my army wasn't that strong. I had some good level 3s and heroes, and those veterans with EW and SS were deadly, but alot of it was apes and level 2 dwarves and orcs. I can only assume that you didn't have that much of an army lurking in the shadows, as I feared you did. I also poured all my mana into tons of unit enchantments. I think having a wizard tower was key to me here, cuz I had a hero on just about every front and with 40 casting points plus those of my heroes, quickly enchanted key units on every front, making for powerhouses. Plus I used my seducers, dominators, trappers and animal controllers to full effect, hence my income problem.

I was actually sort of relieved when my one satyr died, cuz i couldn't afford any more units. I was really worried about that swimming uber hero you had left in the underground river. I had the units to take him on on land, but nothing strong enough on water unless I could teleport my wind walking ring to my nearby hero. And all the unit enchantments had destroyed my mana supplies. I actually had probably my toughest hero, Red, marooned on an island cuz I teleported his ring to another hero to take out Cap'n Allweather. Red was gonna be stuck there until I could clear a spell vault to get it back to him, or until my galley finished building. I targetted your heroes like crazy. As soon as I found one nearby i did everything I could to reach it and take it out. I knew this map had limited heroes and was determined to prevent you from developing any uber heroes.

Anyways, I just want to say for anyone following this that Smuki is one of the fastest, most reliable players I have ever played against. If anyone wants a good 1x1 player, try him. It really is a shame that he got paired with one of the slowest players around and certainly the slowest player in the tournament. My life is super busy right now and I've just become a very careful player (I draw maps), so I could never keep up the great pace you were playing at.

And I really enjoyed writing the logs for this one. As soon as I knew I was playing Goodfella, the whole gangster theme popped into my head, and I had a lot of fun coming up with the various heroes' personalities, and of course, swearing like a mother-(censored). hahahaha.

james.

I was actually sort of relieved when my one satyr died, cuz i couldn't afford any more units.

lol