posted 10-01-07 09:45 PM EDT (US)
Homecoming: An Experience
Now I tell you how I came into this event. It began, really, the first few weeks of school. Our school seemed to focus less on education and more onto the subject of dating. The common question of the time was not “Hello, what’s your name?;” it was “Who are you taking to homecoming?!” Cute proposals (to date) were popping up every day; from balloons to notes, there was always a new way for the jocks and ditzes to get their dates.
I was not one, surprising as it may be. Male and straight though I may be, I really didn’t feel the desire to get into dating yet. I had plenty of females around me that I could ask, but I just decided that it would much easier to not go. Then it happened.
It was World History Class, 7th hour. There were three of my friends of mine in the class, all sitting near me: Josh, Mike, and Annie. As myself and Annie were talking before class one day (we always got there very early to do so), she casually asked “So, are you planning on going to homecoming?” I said no, there wasn’t anyone in particular that I thought I could take. “Well,” she said, “how about me?”
You all know the times when you have nothing to say because of conflicting thoughts. It was one of those. As Josh and Mike came in as started talking, Annie watched me closely. Finally I said, in a polite variation of the normal male response, “I’ll consider it.” She just smiled knowingly, and then gave me one of the looks that to this day makes me feel dreadfully fearful: the expectant look. I’m sure you can imagine it.
Josh and Mike got onto the subject of our quiet conversation, and jumped right on it. Between the repeated “You’re going!” and “You’ll have fun!” I locked eyes with Annie. She still had the same look, the one of polite waiting. I had one of pensive reflection.
You must understand my thinking. I had never desired to get into a relationship with a girl, let alone take one merely as a friend to a dance. It was a step into maturity that I wasn't sure I was ready for, nor wanted. When I got home later that day, deep in thought, I began the conversation about dating with my mother, and eventually my father. They both agreed that it would be “good for me” to take Annie. They told me it was my choice, and that if I didn’t do it soon, it’d be too late.
The next day, Thursday, came with more profound thoughts. Word had traveled around to the many people who knew me that Annie desperately wanted me to take her. The words of my parents hung over my head like a rain cloud. I came to my decision. My motives were clear. As I walked into 7th hour, I looked at Annie sitting in her desk with the look on her face still there, as if it had been there all night and day. Expectant.
“Annie, will you come with me to homecoming?”
I sat in the car with butterflies in my stomach, gnawing away at me, watching the houses wind down until my mother said “We’re here.” I was wearing a new black suit (fitted to exactly my height and width) with a lavender shirt and tie, something that I was told “would bring out the partygoer in you” by the tailor. I happened to be listening to Paul McCartney at the moment, so when my mom stopped the car, I said “That’s alright, mom, I’ll just stay here and listen to Paul.” She just rolled her eyes.
As I walked through the door of my date’s home, I was welcomed by some very friendly parents of the other people that my group consisted of. My date herself was upstairs with the rest of the girls “fixing her hair,” as her mother put it. I called up to her that if she needed my help to style her hair, I’d be more than happy to. I heard her call back “No thank you!”
When everyone in the group arrived, we walked outside to the neighbor’s yard to take pictures. The fourteen of us endured photo after photo from eager parents that wanted to capture the moment of their little darlings going to a dance. After that, we all stumbled blindly (there were a lot of pictures) into the dining room to enjoy a meal made by my date’s mother.
Everyone but me took a soda from fridge (myself enjoying a cold glass of milk, to which my date replied “Oh, aren’t you cool?”
) and piled their plates high with chicken, corn casserole, and beef sandwiches. It was a difficult meal, as we all had to be very aware that if we spilled the beans all over our dress or suit, we’d never hear the end of it. A discussion over a new TV show was brought up, to which I remained mute, for I had not seen it nor desired to. My date looked at me twice. As the meal was winding down, I was told by my friend to stand up. I did so. He then announced “Everyone! ------- is going to give a speech!” The rest of them took up the call: “Speech, speech, speech!” I had no choice; I began to talk…
As I sat down I was congratulated by the 7 men of the group, with many You Should Be On Speech Team comments. Annie smiled at me, but I saw, veiled behind the rosy cheeks, a forced feeling to it. I didn’t have much time to dwell on it, because the majority of the group was moving into the large living room to play a game of Catch Phrase before we left. Annie was first to leave the room and sit down.
I found a couple of chairs and set them out for the ladies and found my own seat at the edge of the couch near Annie. When the rules were explained and the teams were set, it began.
It was the most violent word game I’d ever seen. Shouts were, I’m sure, heard in Iraq, so loud were we. Not myself of course, not being one for yelling, but in particular Josh and Annie got into a friendly argument over points. I couldn’t help noticing how much more happy she seemed than when she was speaking with me. Again, there was not much time to think about it, because we were on the move again. Car seats were arranged for the trip to the school, and we were on our way to the dance.
In the car, Annie watched silently as me and the other two couples had a discussion concerning soccer (with me, for once being the center of attention). I had a moment to reflect on what was going on with her. For the last two weeks she had been excited as anything for this dance, and now she was silent to me, almost cold-shoulder. I felt terrible, assuming that it was something that I did, was, or was going to do.
We reached the school, observing the hordes of students enter, some with dates and others with friends. When we had given our tickets and collected our group, we decided to find a spot for the men to put their jackets and the ladies to put their shoes. A lone set of chairs called to us, and we mingled around there for a couple of minutes, talking with friends about their dresses or suits, laughing at the oddly dressed people (white velvet suit, anyone?), speaking quietly with dates (excluding me, for Annie in another conversation), until someone suggested that we go into the gym and dance. Seeing my apprehension, another male in our group, Noah, pulled me a little aside when everyone moved to leave, and said with all seriousness “For Frodo.” I smiled nervously and walked into the gym.
The first thing I noticed was how loud the music was. I had never been to a concert, so I hadn’t experienced it; the techno somewhat shocked me when we walked past the large speaker and the DJ. The second thing I noticed was how many people were there, dancing. I suppose you could call it that.
Now, let me explain to you about grinding. I don’t know where or when it came from, but I’m sure it was just as disgusting as it is today. What it consists of is two people facing the same way, with the lady in front, and dancing right along the other person’s body. It’s vertical sex, basically, with clothes. Well, imagine that with 1500 people in a gym. Yeah, it was that many.
And so our group, feeling the same way as I, stood on the outskirts of the mob in a small packed circle. I looked over their heads to the “pit” again, and was shocked. There, that girl in front of me in math, being grinded by that guy from elementary school. George, on my soccer team, happily “dancing” with a senior. I looked away to see my friends begin to dance. It was a sort of jiggle with random hopping and hand motion. All appropriate, but so very against my nature still. I was reluctant to begin, and Josh said loudly (on account of the music) “Why aren’t you dancing?!” I replied that I didn’t know how. His date, Emily, kindly pulled away from the group to show me a couple of moves. I tried, getting used to the feeling of rhythm. Annie watched me with a strange look. I can’t even describe it, but it was somewhere between interest and disappointment. Not wanting to dissatisfy her, I began to dance.
It was slow at first, with me only moving a bit with my hands. Even after the five minutes that it took me to get the hang of it, I was still sort of uncomfortable, but I continued, all for the sake of Annie’s happiness. I was determined that this night would be one that she could look back on to with memories of joy, and even if that meant dancing solo in the center of our circle, I would do so.
Kristen, Mike’s date and a long-time close friend of mine, smiled as everyone else did to actually see me dancing, but I believe that she saw Annie’s actions lately, and might well have guessed my motives. Annie herself still had that strange look, so I tried even harder to fit in with the group.
Song after dirty song played. The grinding pit continued, and, as my friend Mark told me from experience, it was about 20 degrees hotter inside than out. When I questioned the morality of his joining in (for he went to my church regularly with me), he explained the self-invention of “Christian grinding.” What it consists of is putting your arms out in front of you to prevent that person from getting too close, and bending your knees so do the same with the person in back. And with that, he was off again in the pit.
After a very awkward hour our group decided to take a break to sit in the chairs near our stuff. Annie and Laura, Noah’s date, got up to say that they were going to get a drink. When they left, Noah and I looked at each other and followed them. We decided, being the gentlemen we were, to get them a drink as the men should do, but when we walked over the punch bowl, we found the girls on the other side of the room talking quietly. Having a hunch, I continued to get a drink for Annie (Noah did the same, but without the hunch), walked over to them. The two girls nervously broke apart, but Laura smiled when they saw the drinks. Annie even smiled a little, and said a polite “Thanks, --------.”
Job accomplished, we all walked back to our group, where we found everyone beginning to stand up. When questioned, Kristen said “It’s the first slow song!” A tight feeling came into my stomach. Everyone moved towards the gym. Annie was tense as well beside me. Kristen looked back at me, giving me a profoundly inquisitive glance. We entered the gym.
A majority of the mob were slow dancing with whoever was near them (the rest were still grinding). The song playing was still techno, but, as someone joked “It’s the slowest song you’re going to get!” Our group of eight (some of the others left us) moved near the outside, where we had been before. Everyone got near their dates. I looked at Annie, smiled as well as I could, and said, “Here goes.” She smiled a small, strained smile back at me, and then put her arms around me. I put mine on her waist.
We danced slowly, more clumsily, perhaps, than Josh and Emily, who had both “dated” since they were three. Still, it was a slow dance.
The inevitable awkwardness came, and I broke it by asking her quietly, “Does the guy have to lead?” She replied, “Usually, but I’ll give you a break.” And so we danced. Josh and Emily were close, Mike and Kristen were taking it slow as well, Noah and Laura chatted while dancing. Soon the song ended, and we broke apart at the sound of more techno. Then everything was back to the way it was.
About an hour after the slow song, the DJ announced that the final song “A Whole New World,” was coming up. Annie and I got together again, as did everyone else in the gym (the grinders had given up, apparently). She led again, step by step, taking me no more than three feet from our original spot. As the song concluded, the DJ said, “Alright, y’all, now give yo date a big Homecoming hug.” Annie shrugged at me, as if to say “I guess so.” We hugged quickly, and then it was over.
The mad rush to the cars was insane. Sweaty, red-faced teens swarmed out of the gym leaving a sickly perfume/deodorant/sweat/whatever else smell behind. By pure luck, we were still alive by the time we went out of a side door to the back of the school. Our group’s plan was to go to Laura’s house after the dance for two hours to wind down and talk by their bonfire, so we squeezed into the car; Annie quickly took the back seat, leaving me to wedge between the door and Kristen. The dance was over, but the night was not.
When we arrived at Laura’s house, everybody immediately changed into casual clothes, the guys in the bathrooms and the girls in the bedrooms. I glumly slipped off my suit jacket and purple shirt to replace it with a hooded sweatshirt, thoroughly unhappy at how the night went with Annie. I was, though, looking forward to sitting around the fire to talk, during which time I hoped I could somehow redeem myself in Annie’s eyes, for I had assumed that her mysterious discomfort my on my account. It didn’t help my ever-aware conscience.
I and Noah were the first to change, so we entertained ourselves by playing the piano (it was 10:30, but the family, excluding her mother, had gone away for the night). I played my newest song,
We all sat down with our drinks and listened as Josh, Emily, Mike, Noah, Laura, and Annie talked about many things, from the music played to the dinner to the next school day on Monday. I was silently enjoying the fire while contemplating the events of the night, and eventually moved to lie on the ground beside Kristen, where she lay with the dog, scratching it slowly.
We were silent as we gazed into the stars. The moon was obscured by both clouds and the tree in the yard, but its light was still shining as ever. I felt like the moon. My main reason to agree to come to homecoming was to allow Annie to have a night she would remember with happiness, but it was obscured by the mysteriousness of Annie’s actions of the night and my own awkwardness. Still, I wanted more than anything to redeem myself. I didn’t know what it was that I did to make Annie act this way, but it was tearing me apart. After all these thoughts raced through my mind, I finally said quietly, so no one would hear but the girl next to me, “I don’t think Annie had a fun night.”
Kristen looked slighty startled. “Why?” she asked. “I thought she was having a great time.” I was silent, and then she asked me softly, “Why do you think that she didn’t enjoy herself?”
I struggled to find words, stroking the dog for time. A few feet away, the rest of the group was laughing as Annie told them of what a boy named Shaun had done during play rehearsal. I replied, “I think she was… somewhat disappointed… in me.” I almost choked when I heard myself say it.
Kristen as well grappled with what to say. “No… no... I
“I felt like she didn’t want to be there with me, like I wasn’t what she wanted. She didn’t want to do anything with me. She didn’t even acknowledge I was there sometimes. That’s just my take on it.”
She shook her head, and said firmly, “Your take is wrong. It can’t be you, you did nothing. Don’t feel like you did.”
I needed to get something off my back, though. “The reason I asked Annie to come with me was so that she would have a night she could remember with good memories. And I think I ruined it for her.”
Kristen looked at me with the sympathy only a true friend can give. “--------, she
She said nothing, and as I turned back and saw Kristen watching us with a look of both compassion and fury on her face. I brushed my hand over her shoulder as I walked past her. I didn’t look back.
The next night was the worst I’d ever had. Pains of Annie’s actions toward me and the knowledge that it was probably me that ruined the night for her came at me for hours, every memory triggering another sob. Kristen’s comforting words only confused me more. If Annie had had a good time, why did she act like she didn’t want me there? If she didn’t want me there, why did she ask me to ask her in the first place? I cried at how I’d failed at my job to give Annie a fun night.
The next day was Sunday. After church, Josh and I had planned to work at his house on a project, so I packed up my stuff and moved out. As we were editing the movie were making, Josh casually said, “Some fun last night, eh?” I was silent. He went on.
“It was quite interesting after you left; Kristen was livid at Annie. She shouted at her for a full ten minutes.”
I was startled. Kristen was normally the calm one in the group, along with me. “What was she saying?”
“Well, apparently she was angry that Annie didn’t do anything as you were leaving. ‘You’re his date!’ she was yelling. ‘Give him a hug! Do you know that he feels terrible because he thought
Still shocked that Kristen would do something like that for me, I asked “What did Annie do?”
“She just sat there saying, ‘But I don’t want to hug --------.’” Seeing no reaction out of me, Josh lowered his voice. “Hey, man, don’t lose sleep over it. I saw how she was acting, and I don’t completely know why, but it’ll work out.”
I turned to him. “I
Josh looked away. “I’m sorry. Man, Monday is going to be interesting…”
My nerves as I rode the bus to school might have shaken the vehicle. The earlier despair had left me, to be replaced by calm meditation. After running through everything I’d learned and seen, I had made my conclusion as to why Annie was acting so oddly. Seventh hour I’d talk to her, in the minutes we had together, about what had happened and what was to come.
I stepped off the bus into the early morning chill, shivering from both anticipation and the cold. As I walked into the commons, I saw Kristen and Mike settling down at a table, and went to them. Kristen asked “How are you?” I knew what she meant.
“I’m much better. Still… I heard you got a little… vocal after I left.”
Her face hardened. “How could I let her do that to you?! I mean, as a girl, it’s my nature to-“ I cut her off.
“Really, it’s alright. That was very brave of you to do that for me,” I told her. She blushed slightly. Mike asked, “How did you guys sleep that night? I was out like a light.”
“I slept for three hours,” I answered. When questioned further by Kristen, I added, “Because of Annie.”
“Oh, --------, why’d you do that?” asked Kristen. I shrugged.
“I guess I just beat myself up over these things.” Just then the bell rang. Kristen gave me one final worried look, and then our small group split. It was time for the day.
7th hour came surprisingly quickly. I guess time flies when you’re rehearsing your words over and over to yourself. I trotted hastily to class, and saw Annie sitting in her seat, just as she was the day when I asked her to come with me to the dance. She looked as pensive as I, so I didn’t waste any time. Throwing caution to the wind, I said thus:
Not pretty, just down to the point. She got it, though. She might have seen how much damage her fear had done to me, because she smiled a radiant smile. “Of course we’re still friends.”
And we still are.
Fin
As asked by some (I’m looking at you, Snoopy
), here are some of my concluding thoughts about homecoming, dating, and the whole experience in general. These are A big question for all of us, sure, so here are my thoughts.
Say you have someone in mind that you’d like to ask. You’ve known her for a while (ideally), she’s interesting to you, and you might be ready to ask her. There are a few things that you need to check off in your mind.
First,
Second,
Finally,
Overall, I’m kind of sad that Annie wasn’t fully into the dance because of her own feeling for someone else. Otherwise, I’m very glad that I went. It gave me a good feeling of what the high school time will be. Afterwards, I talked with Kristen about the whole thing. When I asked her why Annie wanted me to ask her when she really liked someone else, she just winked at me and said, “The mysteries of girls.”
We’ll see in the future.
Just over two weeks have passed. The former hype that our school had about dates, drama, and dancing is over, to be replaced by a forlorn sense that nothing is happening. For me, it was a relief. Now I could focus less on Annie and more on school. I was wrong.
Things between Annie and I have been polite, with no better word. No word has been said about that fateful night between us, nor has she even mentioned that I was her date. She now is too focused on a kid in the play with her: Shaun. The very same one that she was gushing about after the dance homecoming night. Some people have no tact.
Still, I know that she is not completely ashamed of me, for when I walked in to World History one day, I found an enveloped invitation to her birthday party on my desk. I accepted (as did Josh and Mike, who were also invited), but, given that Shaun is also invited, I have reason to believe that it’s merely out of courtesy. I’m going, but with a sad thought that we may never be as good of friends that we once were.
Kristen has become one of my best friends lately, perhaps given the fact that we now can talk emotions to each other regularly. Actually, very regularly, on account of my locker change, which came about because the closing mechanism wouldn’t work. The office told me to choose a hallway anywhere in the school for my new location, and I chose the one that had Kristen, Mike, and Josh in it, and was placed ten lockers away from Kristen. Happy days for seeing my friends more.
I firmly maintain the frame of a friend with Kristen, not wanting to risk the route of something more. My fear is that she herself will fall for me (very modest, I know), and I’m keeping an eye out for signs.
The future has not yet come.
World in Conflict Heaven Cherub
Battle For Middle-earth II Heaven Replay Reviewer and Ledgend
Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness.
Oh, I would have stayed up with you all night, had I known how to save a life...
[This message has been edited by Smeagolfan24 (edited 10-12-2007 @ 10:41 PM).]
house won this
...
.
