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Topic Subject: Fan Fic - ~~The Kahan Chronicles~~
posted 06-11-06 07:32 PM EDT (US)   
Here's my fan fic based around the left out faction of the Kahan.

The Kahan Chronicles
By Lord Iarune

Prologue

The Kahan are a people from the northern mountains seperating two regions of Aio. This unique culture has before had no connection with the outside world, and have no idea that they soon will join a war against two great factions.

Chapter 1

"Shhhh...you'll scare them away!" I whispered to my younger brother Genjis. He was 10, and I, Kayuk, was 14. We were in the mountains, hunting snow goats. Unfortunately, Genjis scared the only one around away.

"Thanks, Genjis. You're a real help." I moped sarcastically. "You'll never be a good hunter.

Genjis was just silent. This made me mad, so I yelled out, "Why aren't you speaking?" Genjis just made a gesture with his finger to his lips to make me be quiet. There was a snow goat about 10 feet ahead of them. I got the picture and waited silently behind an icy boulder with my brother.

Slowly Genjis and I knocked our bone-tipped arrows into our bows, carved with the symbols of various Kahan spirits. We were going to kill this goat for sure.

Clang! Both of our arrows missed the snow goat and hit solid rock behind the creature. Genjis drooped down and whined. I did the same, for I didn't think today would be a successful hunting trip.

Four hours passed as we padded through the snow glittering on the mountains. No goats. No anything. In front of us were just mountains and snow falling from the sky. The Spirit of the Winter, Ukayng, had given us this snowfall.

Two more hours passed. Still nothing happened. I was definately frustrated, and Genjis was almost at tears. Muscles throughout my body pounded like being hit by thousands of stones. I'm sure Genjis felt the same, too. If only some food would just drop in front of us. That would surely be a miracle.

And so it happened. The corpse of a snow goat dropped from somewhere above right in front of us. It landed with a sickening crack, breaking some bones. I figured it must've been dropped from high up. Slowly, I took a step forward, then scattered backward. Once more, a took a few steps forward, and knelt in front of the laying body.

I bent down to examine it. "Still fresh," I said aloud to my brother. "You take it. I have been walking much more than you. You've been sitting behind most of the time then sprinting up to me at the last minute."

Genjis complained, but eventually he did it. I was beginning to think this would actually be a successful hunt.

---

Soon we had 2 more snow goats, one of which I made my brother carry, and one I carried. Of course all my brother did was complain that he had to take two snow goats, but I really didn't care. Ignoring him was easy.

Wind rushed into our faces and we stood atop the verge of a high ledge. Below we could see the tundras, and the middle, a tiny village. That was our village. It would only be a matter of time before we were home and around a warm fire in our yurt.

It took us about 3 hours to get to the bottom of the mountains. By now it was evening as we staggered across the ice and rock with our snow goats. Little did we know that we were lost.

The truth didn't come to us that obviously. At first, we didn't recognize the part of the mountains we were in. Second, we couldn't even see the tundra from where we were. Yes, we were far from the top, but it seemed that we went the wrong way. Taking a wrong turn can prove fatal, especially in these mountains.

Night spread like a blanket around us, and it was very, very cold. The snow had continued to fall, and was becoming thicker every minute. Whenever we looked up, we could see ledges and high mountains jutting up all around us, but we were in an unfamiliar place. Naturally, we became scared.

Large stalagmitical icicles jutted from the ground. We entered some sort of odd, narrow strip of ice, with seemingly no way up. Just ahead of us was a small cave entrance. Our only chance of surviving in these mountains now was to stay there and cook one of the snow goats.

Shimmering sparkles glittered on the ice wall of the narrow cave. This tunnel we entered was made of pure ice. Eventually we stopped in some sort of a culvesac in the cave which was wide enough for us to stay. I muttered a prayer to myself:

"Please, Nogayu, Spirit of Protection, help my brother and I live this night we must spend in the harsh mountains."

My prayer gave me a sense of relief, which quickly dropped in a second. I realized a horrible truth: there was no way to cook the snow goats. For sure my dear brother Genjis and I would die in this cave of ice. For sure we would die.

---

The night was harsh. Our stomachs growled every few seconds, and we had no fire. Just the clothes on our backs. Good thing that the Kahan people dress warm and carry tools, but unfortunately were not carrying any kind of fire starters and there were no sticks around to make a fire. We did not want to skin one of the snow goats, for that would be a waste. The whole rest of the body would freeze up in the cold during the night. Genjis and I huddled together to keep warm.

***

"Hurry up, Genjis, I see the tundra! I see our village! Come on, look!" I yelled to Genjis. We survived the night in the frozen ice cave and found our way up to a peak where we could see our village. The snowgoats were still fresh and we needed to get them back. It took a long time, about 3 hours, to succesfully reach the bottom of the mountains and take our first step back into the tundra. An hour passed as we walked across the tundra. The village was still ways away, and we had to trek quite a while before we'd be home. I looked to the left, and in the dim sunlight, saw a herd of oxen in the distance, grazing on small lichens and plants growing out of the snowy plains.

[This message has been edited by Lord Iarune (edited 06-16-2006 @ 09:49 PM).]

Replies:
posted 06-11-06 07:32 PM EDT (US)     1 / 12  
I'll continue later.
posted 06-11-06 08:30 PM EDT (US)     2 / 12  
Awesome

★★★★★
posted 06-11-06 10:30 PM EDT (US)     3 / 12  
EDIT: I added more. Now I would like to take a poll which you must vote on. Here it is:

When I continue the story, should I...

A- Post it in the title page.

B- Make it in the next post not on the title page. Basically just make a new post.

posted 06-12-06 08:05 AM EDT (US)     4 / 12  
post in the title, but say that you've updated it (perhaps a few dashes?)

sounds good, but it could have been made more tragic if we were brought into the lives of these 2 hunters first, as such they are just strangers right now

keep up the great work


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[This message has been edited by storm legion (edited 06-12-2006 @ 08:06 AM).]

posted 06-12-06 06:23 PM EDT (US)     5 / 12  
EDIT: I added a prologue and messed around with the BB codes a bit. Ok, for now on, whenever there's something new that I updated, I'll put this:

---

So you know that whatever's under it is new. Also storm legion, it's supposed to be like that. The first event I wanted to happen was the death of Genjis. That way it'll make the reader think that the rest of the story to come will have its triumphs and losses, and after all, life for the Kahan was not easy. In Chapter 2 the Kahan village and the Kahan in general are much more explained.

[This message has been edited by Lord Iarune (edited 06-12-2006 @ 06:24 PM).]

posted 06-12-06 06:40 PM EDT (US)     6 / 12  
i understand that, but i was just suggesting that the effect of it could have been made much deeper. plus me as a reader anyways, i would expect to have tragic events spaced out a bit, or working to a climax and suddenly watch as characters from the story are flung off the tip of it, or just one or two, not too many stories start with close deaths like these, and even then they are usually greatly exaggerated to try and show how important this death was, my point being from this that now that there's been a death at the start i would now be expecting a gap before any other major death, the higher up the cliff of the climax you go the more tragic the death becomes, shoving characters off from 2 feet up off the ground usually does not carry such burdonsome a weight as shoving the same character, after getting to know him/her for a while, off a 200 km high cliff, ie well into the story

first you make the house then you topple it over, piling a few bricks on top of each other and then bringing them down is not usually quite so dramatic

but i don't want to tell you how to write a story (especially your own) so that's my modern-book-poisoned-mind tip session over, but if you're looking for an example here's one:

in terry pratchet's famous discworld series, in the very first book a fortune-teller/future-seer sees the future and her death, so sells her house, packs her bags and gets on a cart away from the city, she ends up later struck by a rock related to the rest of the story. the event happens over a couple or even just 1 sentance, which is the equivelent of tripping someone up rather than shoving them off a cliff, and is indeed humerous rather than tragic(which is the desired effect)

hope that helps in some strange misshapen way =/


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posted 06-12-06 06:50 PM EDT (US)     7 / 12  
Genjis's death was not meant to supposed to be very tragic. And yes, it will be a while before anyone dies. Maybe about 2-3 more chapters. Genjis's death does not widely effect the story. After the Spirit Chief burns him in the Spirit Pyre as the whole village watches (a part in next chapter) Genjis is only mentioned a few times after. The story is based around Kayuk, not Genjis.
posted 06-12-06 08:21 PM EDT (US)     8 / 12  
EDIT: I completely changed the first chapter. I took your advice, Storm Legion, and went more in depth. I also changed it so it was in the first person of Kayuk.
posted 06-13-06 08:24 AM EDT (US)     9 / 12  
great... now i feel bad since you changed your story =|

but it's your story so i won't complain any more incase you end up changing it again since everyone should have their own style

but it still sounds great, now it's giving the impression of safety really, the reader is walking along the cliff like a tightrope, except without knowing there's no net at the bottom, so it's building up suspense slowly

keep up the great work! (plus its immersing the reader better into the world of the Kahan, 'the spirit of winter' and such)


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posted 06-13-06 05:18 PM EDT (US)     10 / 12  
EDIT: I added more. First chapter is almost done.
posted 06-16-06 09:48 PM EDT (US)     11 / 12  
EDIT: Added even more.
posted 06-17-06 00:06 AM EDT (US)     12 / 12  
lots of descriptions there

but some minor tips you may want to try out (they help me out anyways)

- every so often read over what you've written, if you come across the same word in under 20 seconds and that word isn't a common word (eg. and, if, he, she, the, it, that etc) then try to think of another name for it

- this one's really really ultra minor, but it kinda adds something to the story, rather than just pressing the number '3' or '4' or whatever, type it out instead, it stands out otherwise a bit (unless tha's the effect you're after)just try reading this:

"14 of us stood upon 2 layers of the rocky cliff, all 3 sides of the valley were blocked by then 7 hordes of the 8th king of the goblins."

"fourteen of us stood upon two layers of the rocky cliff, all three sides of the valley were blocked by the seven hordes of the eighth king of the goblins."

may not seem strange or different to you, but it feels that way to me whenever i write

still good


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