Damn we do have a significant population of insane wackos here.

@GKA: for posting, you gets a mention! And a character! You can only guess what will happen next.

continued

"G what, Liam?"
"Gaiu GillB?"
"How can you strike out words verbally? What have you been ingesting?"
"Nothing. Now, WAS I RIGHT?"
"Nearly, you madman Liam."
"Liam? LIAM? I AM LIAMIDAS NOW! HEAR ME ROAR!!!"

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHH!!!

Liam has evolved into: Liamidas-level 1
he has learned mighty roar and pyschopathic tendencies

The mighty roar was more than Gaius could take. His malevolent spirit departed Liamidas' body, and whisped away, unseen.

For now.

Liamidas was now 8-feet tall, with massive daemon wings and a mighty axe, with bloody encrusted upon it. It came pre-encrusted. He pointed his axe, which he called Alfredo, at the TWH HQ. And forward he went, towards it.

TO BE CONTINUED

Crazy is only one way of saying 'genius'. It just has a bad rep


Here's a cookie Vampiric

I heart you, Punic. And I particularly heart your baking skills.

continued

GeneralKickAss, Brigadier General of the BadAss frontier, was walking along the street to find Punic Hoplite in a dead heap. Having experience with partial reincarnation, he checked if he was dead or just mostly dead. Hand on head... dead.
Hand on throat... dead
Hand vigorously striking groin... extremely dead.
Sighing, and deciding there was bugger all else to do, put his hand in Punic's pockets and tried to find the wallet. Not that pocket, not that one... ah, right there.

He retrieved the wallet, flicked through and found his Visa and Amex cards. Not Punics. His.

"The bastard... no wonder he offered to buy lunch. I was paying anyway..."
GKA grabbed his sword, but there was no obvious place to stab. The body was far too disassembled already.

He tried to disembowel him anyway.

Punic's minor-angelingness returned and his body reformed. He sat up.

"What on Earth are you doing?" asked Punic

"You... are... dead. I is confuzzled..."

"If you beat me once, then kill me, then sterilize me, I end up in Spain ready for round 3. Or is it 4?"

"..."

"What?"

"I feel I should ask you that."

TO BE CONTINUED

[This message has been edited by vampiric canniba (edited 03-02-2011 @ 00:26 AM).]

Very good. In fact hilarious. The one problem is the lack of originality. Generalscruff's story is doing the exact same thing of leaving out the main character (Me) from the early stages. Aside from this, very good.

This was made solely to accept Generalscruffs challenge to include Liam assault an Asian and run down the street naked as its storyline. I'm making it up as I go along. The other thread is actually planned, properly paced out. This thread is devoted to me getting 10 pounds. Though a cookie will suffice.

continued

Edorix was pacing the room. He was waiting for the arrival of GeneralKickAss and Punic Hoplite. GKA because he had business to discuss ; Punic had GKA's credit cards.

He heard a knock at the door.

"come in", he said. No capital letter. For Celts had no punctuation.

No one came in.

"hello "(pause of length that requires comma in English, but Celts use no Grammar!)" Gaius"

"Yeah, some crazy Spartan Daemonoid is running around with a big axe. He killed Punic."

"no "(heightened tension)" who is going to pay for lunch (atypical upwards inflection. he wasn't a New Zealander, after all.)

"I think he reincarnated. GKA found his stuff."

Awkward silence.

"so"

"Yes?"

"whos going to buy lunch"

"Not me. I have no body, I can't put my pin number in."

"how do you eat (upwards inflection)"

"With my mouth"

Awkward silence.

"what mouth (extreme atypical upwards inflection implying disbelief)"

"Please use grammar. This is getting ridiculous."

"the spartan giant daemonoid or my celtic origins"

"A bit of both. Nothing like this ever happened when I was on the Angel-ey clouds."

"you closed every single thread that opened"

"Mild-to-moderate examination. Just the good ones."

"You burnt the fridge wall."

"Maybe."

"You banned casual racism."

"Perhaps."

"You actually banned people and gave warnings."

"Yes. But... I have tricked you. YOU ARE USING GRAMMAR"

"nooooooooo (massive atypical upwardly inflecting shout)"

somewhere slightly removed. I.E, the ground floor

"Hi Jax."

"Hi, Andalus"

"Done any statutory rape or crossdressed today?"

"No, its Thursday. Written any poetry?"

"Yes, its Sunday."

"... What'd I miss?"

Somewhere just outside the front door
The issue with being 8 feet tall is that doors are rarely more than 7-feet tall, and wings make it awkward to bend.

Thus Liamidas spake "BE THERE A REAR AND/OR DISABLED EXIT"

Thus EoJ replied "No, they go to my other heavens and/or the mafia forum."

"REALLY?

"Well, I don't know about the mafia forum. I don't use that door very often. Might not work."

"WHY WOULDN'T A DOOR WORK?" he spake with greater caps than before.

"Don't know. I'm off to the FMT. Bye."

"WHAT?!?"

TO BE CONTINUED

[This message has been edited by vampiric canniba (edited 03-04-2011 @ 09:17 PM).]

Hahaha, I was laughing so much as I read this! Great stuff!

So technically there are three stories in the bardic circle about me... although one was just a little joke thing.

I am honored you all think of me as such a crazy person.

My FB chats with you are evidence for your madness (and mine)

anyway, reward well earnt:

Oh, sweet. I can end this right here, now I am suitably rewarded. But I shan't.

continued

Gaius entered the ground floor, inhabited a conveniently located radio, turned himself on, tuned himself to Radio Gaius and scared the bejesus out of Andalus and Jax.

"Hello," he said.

"Jesus harold christ!" remarked Andalus, fully a foot off the ground.

"What the ****?" articulated Jax articulately.

"Two problems. The most immediate is that GKA found his credit cards, so no free lunch. The second is that Edorix is refusing to use grammar, which makes conversation difficult. Also, there is a daemonoid walking around shouting and killing people."

The third point was odd, though the first two more inconvenient.

"Is it someones birthday? Then we could get free cake." inquired Jax

"I don't think-"

BOOM BOOM BOOM!

The knocks came from the rear entrance.

Andalus answered "Do you want in, or do you want to get to BFME2H?"

"IN!" roared Liamidas.

Jax peered through the glass in the door. Liamidas was banging and screaming and wailing, and shaking his limbs violently.

"Hey," he said. "This guys acting like an unrestrained paraplegic on amphetamines!"

Jax wasn't to speak for some time.

For Liamidas booted over the door, shouted "FREEDOM!"

His head ripped through the bottom of the next floor, but care he most certainly did not. Up his axe went, and its decline ripped Jax into many pieces, varying in size, but most certainly not differing in the content of blood they spurted everywhere.

Jax was disembowelled by a toe and squished by a daemon foot.

Andalus was shaking. He put his hands in front of his head to ward off attack. But his wings had withered, died and fallen away. He could not run, and hiding was something only Gaius could do.

Andalus died in a pile of blood and bile, with a bit of bone marrow adding texture to an otherwise undistinguished pile of bone and gore on the floor.

Gaius, sensing that some shit was going down, quickly, quietly and utterly unnoticed fled. Formlessness has its advantages.

His mind was consumed by the subtle hint to get fairly far away. He knew where to go. The Red Lion Tavern, and the Bardic Circle. Friends would be there. Allies would be there. Above all, Terikel would be there!

continued:Afty Awakens

"Terikel!!! Terikel! Liamidas is coming! LIAMIDAS IS COMING!!!"

"What, no, I'm not Terikel, I'm Afty."

"Where is Teriekl? Only he can defeat Liamidas!"

"What! Have you read my AAR! I'm so badass, I create a revolution purely for a story arc! I am going to waste this Liamidas.", Afty turned to his awaiting servant, Pitt.

"Sir Pitt, where is my sword?"

"Under Australian State law, your weapons must be kept in a secure box, away from any children, and in seven pieces."

"...so where is it?"

"Here, Lord Aftermath, of Apocolypse."

He passed Afty his sword of Eternal Badassery.

Pitt looked in Afty's eyes, and told him to come back with Liamidas head upon this sword (or at least in a box) or to fall upon it. Preferably the first option, as Afty had yet to make a legally binding will in any state or sovereign nation.

Somewhere in the TWH HQ

"No! Don't do that! No!"

Punic took Edorix's knight with his rook.

"And that is checkmate.

Liamidas come to the door.

said Edorix " Oh, shit."

TO BE CONTINUED

So funny and random! I killed Jax and Andalus!

The third point was odd, though the first two more inconvenient.

Original yet hilarious.

I killed Jax and Andalus!

Someone had to.

So random. So funny. So priceless.

So priceless

10 pounds?

One cannot put a price on genius. You can pay a hitman. You can pay for bills, but not genius.

The most immediate is that GKA found his credit cards, so no free lunch.

LOL

"Sir Pitt, where is my sword?"

"Under Australian State law, your weapons must be kept in a secure box, away from any children, and in seven pieces."

Brilliant!

"Hey," he said. "This guys acting like an unrestrained paraplegic on amphetamines!"

Jax wasn't to speak for some time.

Win.

<<Brigadier General of the BadAss frontier>>

Your signature is win

Now I must write. Its hard though. I keep forgetting who I've killed off.

continued: Like a boss!

Liamidas decided to introduce a conversation.

"I KILLED YOU, BEFORE!"

"How so?" questioned Punic.

"Your body was MUTILATED!"

"But I am Punic, and you killed me but once-"

Punic found it difficult to continue once his left arm suddenly lost its attachment to his body.

"AAAAHHHH **** *******************!"

Edorix winced.

"You used the 17 character curse! It can't hurt that much."

Liamidas cut off Punics left arm - again.

"Ahhh CHRIST ALMIGHTY that hurts. Owww."

Edorix laughed.
"Damn, Liamidas cut that arm off twice. Like a boss! "

Suddenly, Afty and Pitt rushed through the door.

"Nooo!" cried Pitt, " He did not fulfill the federal and/or state requirments for introducing the meme of like a boss into casual conversation!"

Liamidas booted Pitts head off. It didn't have the desired effect. Lawyers can hold their breath for up to 17 millenia, which is useful when defending war criminals, when fresh oxygen might interrupt the flow of ideas. And might thus allow truth and logic its place in a court.

Liamidas has evolved into: Liamidas, King of SPARTAAA!!! He now takes on the form of Leonaidas from 300, and is armed with a spatha and hoplon

The process took 30 seconds, during which Punic re-attached his arm and Pitt his head.

Afty drew his sword of Eternal Badasseryand prepared to decapitate Liamidas. Liamidas finished evolving and prepared to puncture the main artery routes of most the room.

TO BE CONTINUED

continued:M2TWH

Gaius formlessly entered the M2TWH department of TWH. The Gaius particle sent vibrations through the other particles in such a manner that said "'Allo? Anyone there?"

Formlessness does make it hard to vibrate particles with ones own accent.

"Yes. I, Mythic Commodore! Lord of Game Modifications and Technical Problems. Have thy issues with patches? Peasant unit cards? Campaign not starting properly?" The mighty Mythic Commodore spake with great knowledge and technical badassery. Whilst a Cherub, no one dareth challenge his reign nor dominion.

Gaius inhabited a BI cd case. It oppened and spake
"Uh, no. There is a rogue Liamidas about. He has killed several forummers, and may well of killed staff by now."

"How many has he killed? The extra XP may of made him level up, and become mightier!"

"I do not know. Jax and Andalus for sure, and he sort of killed Punic, but he un-died."

"Well, knock him out and I will nerf his descr_unit settings."

"I'm inhabiting a CD case. Couldn't you knock him out?"

"No, I'm a pacifist."

"WHAT!"

"Na, just joking. Where is my hammer?"

Gaius went and inhabited the hammer, which was really rather big, and made of Magnesium. If anyone took it upon themselves to burn it, their eyes would be really quite sore.

Mythic walked towards TWH HQ, his hammer hovering on behind him.

[This message has been edited by vampiric canniba (edited 03-04-2011 @ 10:11 PM).]

Classic. Simply classic.

"You used the 17 character curse! It can't hurt that much."

"Well, knock him out and I will nerf his descr_unit settings."

Yay!

EDIT: I hope you have not forgotten moi?

[This message has been edited by GeneralKickAss (edited 03-05-2011 @ 08:15 AM).]

Words cannot define how great this is.

"Well, knock him out and I will nerf his descr_unit settings."

Noooooooo!

Punic found it difficult to continue once his left arm suddenly lost its attachment to his body.

No, I'm a pacifist."

"WHAT!"

"Na, just joking. Where is my hammer?"

Laughed so hard at these bits.

I hope you have not forgotten moi?

...Maybe. I think you were last with Punic, but then Punic played chess with Edorix... I imagine you went to the Tavern or something. And Liam will get to the Tavern sooner or later

Because I'm an alcoholic!

Your kind words fuel my egoistical rage. Soon all of RTWH, and perhaps ETWH also will be under mein REICH THAT WILL LAST A THOUSAND FORUM AWARD CEREMONIES!!! ...

continued: standard deviations from the law of diminishing returns

let me think of something to happen here...

So... Yeah.

[This message has been edited by vampiric canniba (edited 03-05-2011 @ 10:24 PM).]

Good stuff! *thumbs up*

My avatar changed! It worked! Yeah!

Anyway, my moment of utter bliss has passed. Where was I?

continued:Liamidas vs World

Afty roared " Liamidas! Stop this madness!"

Liamidas looked closely at the faces of all of thos in the room. Atmospheric music played. A close up shot of Liamidas face, slowly moving away appeared.

"Madness? THIS IS SPARTA!!!

Liamidas, the mightiest Spartan daemonoid, fell for the oldest Athenian trick.

Afty stood to the side of the foot, swung his sword of eternal badassery at Liams unprotected kneck and cut in deeply, severing several arteries and cutting off blood flow. Blood spurted really quite violently out of the wound.

Liamidas keeled over, in a putrid smelling puddle.

"Right," said Afty Badassery, "whos up for some -"

At that point, a dozen daemon dogs, glowing a weird purply red managed to insert themselves through Afty, imploding his chest and creating a massive tidal surge of blood.

"Fetch me their souls!" shouted the daemon voice

Liamidas' body was hovering up to the roof, and a bolt of badassery entered him. His eyes opened. Punic tried to stab him.

"See what happens when you touch Nikolai?" demanded Liamidas. Who then levelled into Original Badass: learns Epic Badassery, LIKE A BOSS!, SPARTAAA! and generic fodder slaughter.

A dozen daemon dogs ripped Punic apart.

Liamidas' brand new badass blade seperated Edroix's body from his lims, head, entrails and aesophagus.

Pitt exploded, his last words being "AAAAIIHHHHggrrhgghdbbllllllllleessszz*****************bllbgcj"

"You know how you say owned in Russian?" whispered Liamidas, "OWNT!"

Mythic took this time to enter, with his Gaius-hammer behind him

"Oh, I hope I'm not interrupting anything..."

Liamidas grabbed him, spread-eagled him upon the ground and smashed his skull with his own own hammer, and devoted his skull to the Dark Lord: Generalscruff.

"Take this soul, Generalscruff! DAEMONCULTS FTW!!!"

The soul materialised and floated up. Into the hammer. Gaius stole the soul, turned it into a Revenant, getting a new body-vessel thing, whacked a daemon dog over the head and gave Liamidas a heart attack before leaving before anyone understood anything.

TO BE CONTINUED!

[This message has been edited by vampiric canniba (edited 03-08-2011 @ 00:01 AM).]