Yes, that’s right, after all the votes have been tabulated and the “hanging chads” have stopped hanging, I have determined who has won the awards in the Second Semi-annual Forummer Awards!

****Waits for the thunderous applause to die down****

I would like to thank you all for attending. I am pleased to see that MOST of you wore clothing before coming. (There is just never any knowing about this crowd…) This shall be the night of joys for some, and heartaches for others. Not everyone can win, but in my humble opinion we are all winners. Well, I am sure that many of you are waiting with baited breath to know the results. (Especially Doitzel, after what seemed like 600 second place finishes in the last awards program.)

So lets start with the first category…Favorite RTWH Forummer. Yes that’s right. Who is that one person who you have to read a thread by, or you have to see what they posted on someone else’s thread? After careful counting the winner is…two people.

Kaiserwinterfeldt and Johndisp have the honor of sharing the award. I’m older, so I will take it home first and then ship it to KW when I get it all dusty.

So now onto the next award…Favorite RTWH Staff Member. Yep, who is it that we marvel at with awe? Who is it that overwhelms us with their honor and prestige? Well, on those criteria, it could be none other than Adder.

Now some might accuse us of “sucking up”. I prefer to think of this as “securing our continued access to RTWH”.

And we find ourselves at the Favorite Newbie Category. Who is it that, while they are still learning the ins and outs of our online home, have caught our eye and suggest a level of competence that we are glad to have?

LMAO. Well, you had a lot to live up with that name and seem to have achieved it. Congrats!

Well, now is the time when I have to give out the Favorite Oldie Award. Somebody wake up the nominees, it’s past their bedtime at the retirement home. ***Waits for dentures to be put back in*** There, now we can continue. The winner is…Cheesewhiz. ***Is pulled aside. Then comes back*** Oh, well, sorry about that. I’ve just been told this award is referring to people who have been here for a while, and not their age. ***Blushes*** Congrats Cheesewhiz!

***Waits for the dance number to get off the stage***

I really wish they could have hired better talent than the Village People to sing, “YMCA”. But you know, we are on a budget. Now back to the awards program.

We come to the Most Improved Forummer Award. Who is it that a few months ago thought a thread was what held their pants together? Who was it that thought a post was something that you attached barb wire too? Well, it doesn’t matter anymore because boy have they turned their lives around. The winner is…Dio!

That’s right, little Dio has done well.

And so we move on to the Most Unpredictable Forummer Award. Who is it that you never know what to expect from? Who is as likely to cuss in a religious thread, as pray in a thread about how to score with the hottest person in school? Well let me tell you. According to the numbers, it is none other than…Ferret.

Yep, you never know if Ferret is gonna flank those Spartans or charge his Greek Cavalry right into them, but that must be what we love about him.

To counter the uncertainty of that last award, we present the Most Predictable Forummer Award. Yep who is as guaranteed as rain everyday in London? Who is as reliable as lies from the mouth of a politician? The winner is Adder.

Yep, you can always count on Adder to close that thread, just when it gets really good? I mean, just when the spam runneth over.

The Most Realistic Forummer, the name says it all. Who has their head screwed on straight? Who knows what the real world is like and tries to give accurate advice on it. It can be none other than dear, OLD, Lorentius Vadis.

Yep, the veteran of us all, is the one who seems most tied into reality. Of course, it could be because he has lived through a long time of it, but anyway. Congrats Lorentius!

Now we come to the brains of the outfit. Who is our Most Intelligent Forummer? Who can we count on to know the difference between, a Spartan and a Cataphract? Well, sure now we all know, but who knew before the game came out? I thought so. The winner is…Johndisp.

I would like to say thank you. Now we have to go read a 37 chapter book on the Concordat of Worms (pronounced Vorms), just for fun.

This brings us the Most Helpful Award. Who is it that would give you the RAM out of their PC, or their last 20 denari? Well, I’m going to tell you. It’s…Johndisp.

Johndisp has been selected by all of you as the one that you can count on to help.

Who is the Most Mature? Well, this is a real hard category. I mean, we all have our moments of immaturity. However, one of us has made it routine to keep his head. The winner is Lorentius Vadis.

So while there are tons of jokes that could be made by the venerable Lorentius winning this award, I have too much respect for him to voice them. Congrats!

Who is the Least Mature? Well, that is another hard one. We had so many worthy subjects this time around, but the one we chose was Eltrevo!

Eltrevo from all of us, let’s try for Most Mature next time.

Most Likely to Be Promoted is where we now find ourselves. Who do you think will either change color, or gain a color other than white? Believe it or not, we have a four-way tie! Yep, that’s right four forummers share this honor.

The winners are Crazed Ewok, Doitzel, Lorentius Vadis and Ichbinian. I guess Adder will have to settle this fight.

Now we come to the saddest category, The Most Missed Award. Who is it that we wish we could see yet again? Who is it that we shed a single tear for once a day? Well okay, so that’s a bit dramatic, but anyway, the winner is…Ueriah!

Alas poor Ueriah, we knew him well. Perhaps the winds shall blow him back our way someday.

Let us continue on to the Most Underrated Award. Who is it that does the most, and is acknowledged the least? Why it is our old friend Doitzel!

Keep it up Doikie, for recognition or not, we need you to be a key cog in the wheel that is RTWH.

Everything had its evil doers, and now is time to acknowledge one of them. Who is the Most Evil Forummer? Who cackles maniacally at the evil he can achieve? We selected Ohmu (aka Firefox).

Ohmu hosted these awards last time before he had his falling out with management. His evil deeds have now become legendary. Let’s hope there is salvation from PC Hell in his future.

We have a counterpart to this evil and it is the Least Evil Forummer. Anyone who has spent a moment on this site should know who the runaway winner was in this category. It is GloryofSparta.

Our own little slice of Sweden that never has a harsh word for anyone is GoS. Congrats on this notable accomplishment.

Now we come to the Best Duo/Trio. There were many worthy groups nominated, but in the end, the winners were Lorentius Vadis, Kaiserwinterfeldt, and Johndisp.

I feel safe in saying that we are proud to accept this award. I am honored to be grouped with both of these guys, and proud to call them friends.

The Best Thread was Doitzel, I order you to visit this thread. A flash of what might have appeared disciplinary action ended up being just a kindly message “from on high”.

In the category of Best War Story we had a tie. The voters were split between Seven Warriors and The Tales of Decimus Ultor. Both of these were written by two of our best authors. Lorentius and Vasta. Those of you who abstained because you haven’t read them, might do well to experience the glory of the War Story section. There are many of us putting out some great efforts in fiction.

The Best Signature Category saw a very close race between Kaiserwinterfeldt and Nausicca, but in the end, our resident artist, Nausicca, won the award.

The Best Forum Name Award went to Cheesewhiz. I guess many of else felt there was nothing “cheesy” about his name. Yes, I know it was a horrible pun, but I couldn’t help myself.

The Best Location Award went to Tipsu for his unique location of teasing a bear. A word of warning to Tipsu, bears bite, and if you tease it too much, you won’t be able to type on your keyboard.

The Best History Article Award went for The Second Punic Wars. This is a very well written article, as like the War Story Section, the History Section has many articles worth reading.

Our Funniest Forummer Award went to Doitzel. This should come as no surprise to any of us. How many one-liners has Doitzel thrown out there that completely brightened your day? Doitzel keeps us laughing even at his own expense at times. Congrats!

The Craziest Forummer Award, not that is one to strive for. How many times have we all just totally gone off on some zany tangent, or said the most ludicrous thing just because we could? Well the king of us all, this time, was Doitzel yet again.

***Patiently awaits as Britney Spears and Jessica Simpson engage in a mud wrestling match***

Wow we did have some quality entertainment! Oh yeah, back to the show.

Now we move onto the Sexiest Forummer Award. Who is it that makes our hearts skip a beat? Who makes us giddy like a schoolboy? Oh yeah many of us are schoolboys…well anyway, the winner is Nausicca. She is, obviously, the apple of many eyes around this place.

Now, we come to the final few categories. The first of which if the Weirdest Forummer. I think this is another highly sought acknowledgement, because so many of us try, constantly, to win it, but in the end a tie was the result we found. Dio and Ignoramus were voted as co-weirdest winners. I can attest that despite how he acts, Dio isn’t THAT weird, but the mob has spoken.

Now we arrive at the Adder Award. This was a close race for this prestigious award, but in the end it came down to a few votes and the winner was…Johndisp.

I would like to start by saying thank you to everyone who voted for me. I am not worthy of this award, but I shall accept it with pride. Thanks again everyone, and I hope to always earn your respect.

And our final award tonight is the GloryofSparta Award. It gives me great pride to award this to Ace Cataphract. Ace meets all the requirements with ease, and is truly deserving of this acknowledgement.

Well folks, that is all the damage I can do for one night. Congrats to all the winners, and to all those who didn’t, it really is an honor just to be nominated. I hope that everyone had a great time.