First, I build up the economy.
1. Ports.
2. Farms.
3. Roads
4. Traders.
4. Mines.
6. 1st Military Building.
7. Smithies.
etc.

I only build one major military building per settlement usually (Barracks, Archery Range, Stables etc.). Each settlement is primed as one of five possibilities.
1. Infantry producer - Exists to produce infantry first and make money second.
2. Cavalry Producer - Exists to produce cavalry first and money second.
3. Missile/Siege Producer - Exists to produce ranged units first and money second.
4. Economic Centre - Exists to make a profit.
5. Frontier Settlement - Is the main military base in an area and generally acts as types 1-3 at once. This is mainly if there is only one city available.
6. General Settlement - Usually a Town or Large Town, where there has been no specialty. I like to have every city able to produce infantry, cavalry and ranged units, even if it is a huge city and two of them are on the lowest level. They are still very useful in the right place.

Your economic development depends on many things. Pave your roads early, as this allows you to transport armies quickly, reacting to enemy movements and taking the enemy by surprise. Naval trade is the most profitable thing any city can do. Build ports early. Traders boost the income from existing trade, so they are especially useful if you have lots of valuable trade resources. Farms don't make a huge amount of money, but they do increase the settlement growth rate, so they should be built as soon as possible.

i would say: in the beggining of the campaign, base your economy on farming, because it can take ages to get trade rights, the right buildings and the right cities to establish a steady income of money through trade. The farms also causes the population to grow faster, enabling you to recieve more money through taxes, and upgrade your cities to produce higher level soldiers.

First Farms, then ports, then roads, so your army can get around, traders, last mines. Then the city should be producing a nice amount of money.

when the population gets bigger, its wise to build temples and such to keep order.

i agree with the things you are saying do paved roads increase trade by an chance and say if a enemy ship or unit is blocking a road or route will you lose money ?

Yeah, if there are enemies in your land you lose some money because they're destroying the countryside.

so i should kill those rebels lol

yes, its called 'unrest' when you look at the settlement details scroll.

how do you reduce unrest, b/c in some of my cities I have full stack peasents and they are almost rebeling. and these are onl y large towns

My faction leader is expected to fight the hardest, especially early in the game when the large cavalry force has the most relative impact. I transfer useful retainers (e.g., trade, tax, etc. types) to "sit at home" generals... of which I keep very few, BTW. Most of my generals are expected to go forth and conquer, recruit, explore, intimidate, and get in as many battles as is strategically possible in the shortest amount of time. On occasion, my FL will die in battle... usually because I pushed too hard. My FL always fights uphill odds, but then the mobility of cavalry is overwhelmingly strong, esp. early in the game.

So use your FL (or not, if its your style). Old FLs will die anyway, so why not use their strong bodyguards? You pay for them every turn... its normally a waste (there are certain exceptions with unrest or massive trade, however) for the FL to cower in a city. Go forth and conquer!

Good hunting ....