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Topic Subject: Conquering as an Englishman, and as a Gentleman.
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posted 10 June 2008 06:31 EDT (US)   
Warfare is unpleasant. Even though it is the core of M2:TW, yet we need not let the constant warfare turn us into mindless tyrants who slay even the stray cat who bars our way. We can remain as gentlemen who talks softly but carries a big stick. Through bows and arrows might the world turn but good words of diplomacy also do their part. Listen to my good general George the Honest.[JPEG, (538.58 KB)] He knows his stuff.

It is said "Before you need to fix your nation, fix your backyard, and before that, fix yourself." Now England is a great nation with the potential to rule the world, but before you venture to the continent you need to clean up your backyard and settle the scores with the rebels and the vermin Scots. (ten thousand pardons, Gallowglas) With that in mind, the capture of York should be your priority. Without a castle in their name, the Scots are left witout a fang to bite, and you may deal with them as you choose. The Portuguese will try to get a foothold in the British Isles as well but ignore them for the time being, since they have other matters to occupy themselves. An alliance with them is recommended but not required. The rule of the thumb for a smooth sailing is "Never fight more than necessary."

Now, the French on the other hand, will bear watching. These frogs are infact as slimey as their false words of friendship. A good English gentleman, however, do not strike first, even when the Frogs' treachery is imminent. He will weather it, and call down divine wrath of vengeance that will shake them to their very core. Like this. [JPEG, (629.13 KB)] However, there is a more urgent matter for you to resolve if you wish to go down the bloody road.

When a man wishes to do great things he must have someone there to shoulder the hardships and toil. A good-olde-wyfe if you know what I mean. Like a proper English wyfe, she should be honorable and full of integrity and unwavering in devotion even if her looks are somewhat undesiring. Trust me, you don't want a wife like poor Sir Robert. [JPEG, (402.59 KB)] You don't need to look for fancy roses which tantalize men with their looks and smells but withers away at the slightest discomfort. What you need is the white lily growing proudly in the wild. I am ofcourse talking about the Papal States.

Like an English woman, it takes a lot to let Papal States sleep on the same bed as you with full military access, (infact it cost me Marseille, a crusading target) but once she agrees to be your mate she will follow you without fail through good and bad. The trick to get into her skirt is to act fast. Send your available diplomat immediately to Rome and meanwhile conquer a couple of Rebel settlements. The Pope will be more agreeable early on and with settlements to give away, you won't be forced to spend your precious florins at this stage. However, if the wily Frogs got to her instead of you, then sir, you simply lack as a gentleman.

With the alliance with Papal States(remember military access is a must) comes the blessing to flex your might. Do not doubt your prowess since the Scots are naught but a rabble without York[JPEG, (696.21 KB)] and the Frogs only look good on diplomacy scroll. Don't believe me? Then here is the ultimate proof of the absolute inferiority of the French. [JPEG, (784.20 KB)]

Be bold yet righteous at the same time. Never attack a neutral nation first, never execute prisoners, and never exterminate the cities, even heathen ones. Peace and mercy will bring you the good wills of other nations, even far flung ones, and you can gain the necessary florins through more available trades routes. Around the 50th turn I even had "very good" relations with Egypt and Turks for being just and merciful to my French and Scottish opponents. Earn high enough reputaion, and nations will be more lenient to have alliances with you at this critical early stages.

Be firm to those who slight you or your "wyfe", She will let you know her displeasure when she declares a crusade but it is much more efficient to select targets yourself. With crusade as an excuse, your reputation will not suffer even if you attack a neutral nation. Don't be greedy, and take only what you need. Better men had fell into the dark whirlpool of greed and conquest and suffered the consequences. As a good Englishman you will not. Give presents to the good wyfe occasionally, even though she can well support herself. A gentleman should master at least the basic principle of Romance.

"Here dearest, I brought you Dublin."
"Why thank you George, but how did you ever manage to wrap it?"

Also support your wyfe in elections no matter the outcome, she won't forget it. Just look at this. Still in the 12th century and I'm "trustworthy" (highest level of reputation) in other's eyes. [JPEG, (751.28 KB)]

Your first priority will be the subjugation of France since the Frogs will never rest until you are thrown off the continent, so remind them forcifully that you are here to stay. My line army consisted of something like this. [JPEG, (727.17 KB)] With good English courage, huge boulders of trebuchets, and steady hands of Dismounted Knights, even the hardest siege can be won. [JPEG, (697.55 KB)] Again, be merciful to those who surrendered and don't chase down those who flee. You sir, are an Englishman, and a gentleman, never forget. Occasionally, your faithful wyfe will take up arms with you against the common foe, though her choice of troops might be bit odd.[JPEG, (603.42 KB)] Still, she knows how to roast a frog.[JPEG, (407.63 KB)] As a proper Englishman, you should always grab a chance to duel those who insulted you. [JPEG, (680.80 KB)]

Stick to highest morals then your reputation will not suffer even if your kingdom becomes a wide empire. Take a look at my progress.[JPEG, (758.27 KB)] Still "trustworthy". When you are trusted to this degree, Alliances and Ceasefire are easily obtained. Infact many nations came to offer me ceasefire when they had but a minor setback, but when I played other factions and had much lower reputation they wouldn't accept a ceasefire even when they were on their last legs.

This is my line army for the high period.[JPEG, (737.07 KB)] At the time I liked Armored Swordsmen, but later I found out about their slow movespeed so I switched back to the good olde Dismounted Knights. Here is my empire thus far. [JPEG, (803.95 KB)] I chose to expand to the Baltic because I didn't want to get into the mess that is lower Europe. I had less moral problem fighting the orthodox Russia but one should never be ensnared in greed and know when to stay his hand. Broken reputation is harder to mend than broken bones.

A word of advice at this stage. if you have Alliances with nations other than the Papal States then terminate them now. Give the other side good sums of florins in order not to offend them. Otherwise, when they incur the wrath of yer wyfe then you will have to choose sides, and either way your reputation will go down. Stay with the wyfe by Saint George.

This is my late period army with the addition of gunpowder led by my good general Tostig the Ugly. [JPEG, (766.98 KB)] Funny how he is courted by 3 different princesses. Culverins to bombard at the extreme range, Retinue longbowman for medium range barrage, and Dismounted Knights for close and personal combat. On assaulting Citadels, Mortars are best to drop the holy hand grenade of divine justice on the hidebound foe.
BTW, the Mongols are ripping through the Saracens as usual, and I say to myself "Bloody well done!" Constantinople area became a huge battleground for the Venetians, Hungarians and the Mongols.[JPEG, (731.74 KB)]

I hope all of you have gained a good deal of insight into the way of a gentleman through this guide and may you adjust your conduct towards the right path. Be merciful and fair yet be brave to stand up against evil as well. As the parting words, heed these words of a true Englishman and take heart. [JPEG, (517.05 KB)]

Michael Jackson

[This message has been edited by el_bandito (edited 06-10-2008 @ 09:55 PM).]

Replies:
posted 10 June 2008 07:20 EDT (US)     1 / 32  
I chuckled as I read through this
Great thread- and awesome campaign! I assume you've got the 'year as turns' mod?

And I shall go Softly into the Night Taking my Dreams As will You
posted 10 June 2008 07:23 EDT (US)     2 / 32  
1 year per turn also. I wanted to take my time.

Michael Jackson
posted 10 June 2008 10:45 EDT (US)     3 / 32  
Top-notch post, Bandito. I'm rolling here.

As an English gentleman, with your lovely Wyfe the Church, is one of your ultimate goals to Catholicize the entire map in a chivalric fashion?

One more thought, re: the war for Constantinople. With Hungary, Venice and the Mongols going toe-to-toe-to-toe, it looks like you'll soon be hearing that old refrain:

"Istanbul, now Constantinople, now it's Istanbul, now Constantinople...."

EDIT: By the way, I side with the "frogs" in Total War, but we're not all snooty like the dude on Monty Python--"Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries! I waive my private parts in your general direction! Now go away, or I will taunt you a second time!"

"There was no Domino's in the 14th Century!"

[This message has been edited by crusading1 (edited 06-10-2008 @ 10:51 AM).]

posted 10 June 2008 14:24 EDT (US)     4 / 32  
So, just to clarify something, getting military access from the papal states has given you a little more leeway in battling catholic factions? Interesting!

"Only the dead have seen the end of war"-Plato
posted 10 June 2008 16:32 EDT (US)     5 / 32  
I seem to employ similar tactics as you Bandito, I'll be rather merciless in battle but overall I'd say I was quite chivalrous.

...Apart from all those generals, princesses, cardinals and diplomats who are found with a knife in their backs.

Chocolate Time Bombs are delicious upon detonation

[This message has been edited by Jozzy (edited 06-10-2008 @ 04:33 PM).]

posted 10 June 2008 16:37 EDT (US)     6 / 32  
ten thousand pardons gallowglass
I'm not a Scot, el_bandito, I don't even like Lowlanders. I'm a Gael

Chivalry rules! Even if you do only realise that in hindsight...like I did after I slaughtered Italy three times over after a long campaign...oh well, they didn't seem to be bothered

------m------m------
(o o)
(~)

Monkey beats bunny. Please put Monkey in your signature to prevent the rise of bunny.
m0n|<3yz r 2 pwn n00b
posted 10 June 2008 18:38 EDT (US)     7 / 32  
Well written bandito, had me chuckling throughout

A f t y

A A R S

:: The Sun always rises in the East :: Flawless Crowns :: Dancing Days ::

"We kissed the Sun, and it smiled down upon us."
posted 10 June 2008 18:54 EDT (US)     8 / 32  
I have to take screenshots and make a Kingdom of Jerusalem version......

"Conquering as a royal of Jerusalem, and as a religious bigot."

Crusade! Our brothers in the East need out swords to subdue the Infidel! The Saracen defiles the Sepulchre and is at the gates of the Roman emperor!. Ride! Ride ye holy soldiers to Jerusalem! Byzantium calls for aid...Christ and the Virgin weep at the blood of martyrs spilled on holy pilgrimages! Crusade! -Medieval 2: Total War
posted 10 June 2008 19:02 EDT (US)     9 / 32  
Very nice Bandito. It's hilarious. It should get stickied because not only is it very entertaining, but it's also a nice guide on how to play the game without getting excommunicated. A lot of RTW vets that are new to M2TW find it hard to get used to the different strategy that M2TW requires to expand without having the Pope hate you.
posted 10 June 2008 21:47 EDT (US)     10 / 32  
Why, you are absolutely right Bones. It will definitely help the forumers who have trouble with the Pope. Not to mention the boost in their right way of conduct.

Everyone, thanks for the heartwarming feedbacks. I feel a bit abashed myself. The hell must have frozen over twice if a Mongolian is advocating on chivalry in the Medieval era. But that's called progress, or so they say.

Lol just added a Dublin joke. Where did I hear it before, hmmm...

Michael Jackson

[This message has been edited by el_bandito (edited 06-10-2008 @ 09:57 PM).]

posted 11 July 2008 17:33 EDT (US)     11 / 32  
Yes, mortar does work well to drop the holy hand grenade from on high. Great post!
posted 11 July 2008 19:35 EDT (US)     12 / 32  
Could do with less xenophobia, though.

And by the way, even with your "gentlemanly" tactics, it's no challenge at all to win the campaign as the English, even on the hardest of settings.

And it's not a cry that you hear at night,
It's not somebody who's seen the light,
It's a cold and it's a broken 'Hallelujah'.
posted 12 July 2008 15:41 EDT (US)     13 / 32  
"Here dearest, I brought you Dublin."
"Why thank you George, but how did you ever manage to wrap it?"
Excellent! Great post, bandito!
It should get stickied
posted 12 July 2008 15:54 EDT (US)     14 / 32  
It should be up on the front page I think

-Love Gaius
TWH Seraph, TWH Grand Zinquisitor & Crazy Gaius the Banstick Kid

Got news regarding Total War games that should be publicised? Then email m2twnews@heavengames.com. My blog.
Nelson was the typical Englishman: hot-headed, impetuous, unreliable, passionate, emotional & boisterous. Wellington was the typical Irishman: cold, reserved, calculating, unsentimental & ruthless" - George Bernard Shaw
Vote for McCain...he's not dead just yet! - HP Lovesauce

posted 17 July 2008 10:17 EDT (US)     15 / 32  
This is classic, can't wait to use it for my new game when I get my PC! (Old one blew up)
posted 10 September 2008 06:10 EDT (US)     16 / 32  
This article has been uploaded to our prestigious strategy section, congratulations Mr Bandito.

The article itself can be found here.

(Also, sorry for the long wait. Won't be anywhere near the same amount of time for your next one.)

Can we expect anymore of these awesome guides? I especially enjoyed the humor in them, perhaps a dread one?

A f t y

A A R S

:: The Sun always rises in the East :: Flawless Crowns :: Dancing Days ::

"We kissed the Sun, and it smiled down upon us."
posted 10 September 2008 06:52 EDT (US)     17 / 32  
Great article. Well-written and humorous.
posted 10 September 2008 22:14 EDT (US)     18 / 32  
Such "gentlemanly" game-play might take a long time to complete though. Mine was done on "1 year a turn" campaign to escape the time limit.

Michael Jackson

[This message has been edited by el_bandito (edited 09-10-2008 @ 10:14 PM).]

posted 11 September 2008 14:46 EDT (US)     19 / 32  
very nice (and humorous indeed) strategy,
must say that I followed nearly everything (except for giving the wyfe gifts) already but without being any time better than reliable

are you by any chance using some other mods apart from the 1 year per turn mod?
I never've seen so much enemy armies, such a aggressive papal states (with me they stop after conquering italy and corsica) and such a mass of hungarian, venetian and mongol armies fighting each other, not to speak of the fact that my allies rarely helped me (Prince Alexander of the Scots once gave his life for Bruges but that's about it)


thank you and keep it up!

-=Wakain=-
posted 11 September 2008 14:48 EDT (US)     20 / 32  
Englishmen aren't gentlemen, we're just posh guys with bad teeth.

"...there's a difference between offering constructive criticism and going out of your way to be a dick." - Aro
posted 11 September 2008 16:09 EDT (US)     21 / 32  
Englishmen aren't gentlemen, we're just posh guys with bad teeth.
Speak for yourself. I am a gentleman with excellent teeth.

A f t y

A A R S

:: The Sun always rises in the East :: Flawless Crowns :: Dancing Days ::

"We kissed the Sun, and it smiled down upon us."
posted 30 October 2008 04:13 EDT (US)     22 / 32  
el_bandito:

Thanks for the guide it was really fun to read it.
But I just want to notice that your title is based on a false stereotype and not very correct. England as any other nation with imperialistic ambitions historically was very brutal and vicious when conquering new territories.
So which turn did you get "Immaculate" reputation?

[This message has been edited by versalife (edited 10-30-2008 @ 04:18 AM).]

posted 30 October 2008 05:20 EDT (US)     23 / 32  
None-the-less, that's the stereotype we, the English, seem to have. I'm sure the French in this instance will agree with you, though.

And I shall go Softly into the Night Taking my Dreams As will You
posted 30 October 2008 10:44 EDT (US)     24 / 32  
I feel retarded just reading your campaign bro'
Im trying hard to conquers as an Englishman and as a gentelman but you make it looks very easy.
This is my line army for the high period.[JPEG, (737.07 KB)] At the time I liked Armored Swordsmen, but later I found out about their slow movespeed so I switched back to the good olde Dismounted Knights. Here is my empire thus far. [JPEG, (803.95 KB)] I chose to expand to the Baltic because I didn't want to get into the mess that is lower Europe. I had less moral problem fighting the orthodox Russia but one should never be ensnared in greed and know when to stay his hand. Broken reputation is harder to mend than broken bones.
My battle line are pretty much just like yours but i never use trebuchets but fill that position to more longbowmen units.


In this pic my army after taking Anctioch and give it to the Pope, retreating to take Nicosia. I still have 2 units of mercenary spearmen and 1 unit of Feudal Knights but i dispatched them to deal with nearby rebel whan im on my way to Nicosia.


And i still relies on Armored Swordsmen because of bad experience with Dismounted Knights - i find out they are not that tough especially when attacking enemy wall.

I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing, Roman Cavalry choirs are singing, be my mirrors my swords my shield, my missionaries on foreign fields
For some reason i can't explain, i know saint Peter won't call my name
Never an honest world, but that was when i rule the world

[This message has been edited by Lone Scotsguard (edited 10-30-2008 @ 10:55 AM).]

posted 31 October 2008 02:44 EDT (US)     25 / 32  
I feel retarded just reading your campaign bro'
Im trying hard to conquers as an Englishman and as a gentelman but you make it looks very easy.


It is always hard for a Scotsman trying to be English.
In this pic my army after taking Anctioch and give it to the Pope, retreating to take Nicosia. I still have 2 units of mercenary spearmen and 1 unit of Feudal Knights but i dispatched them to deal with nearby rebel whan im on my way to Nicosia.

And i still relies on Armored Swordsmen because of bad experience with Dismounted Knights - i find out they are not that tough especially when attacking enemy wall.


I must say, that army is an admirable mix of infantry and missile units. I suggest atleast a couple of cavalry on field battles, otherwise even with stakes, enemy cavalry will be a pain.

Trebuchets are used for breaking down the walls--that much is obvious. I have another used for them though; to force the enemy to attack me on field battles even if I initiated the battle.

I am especially curious about your "bad experience" with the Dismounted Feudal Knights. Have you made a thread about it or mentioned it somewhere? I would like to hear about it.

From what I gather, Armored Swordsmen have only 1 point armor value more than the Dismounted Knights. That is not worth the extra move speed you will be trading off, in my opinion. In siege battles, especially when you are racing to control certain walls or gates when assaulting Fortress/Citadel, the Dismounted Knights performs much better than the slower Armored Swordsmen. On field battles, an infantry heavy army like that of yours should atleast have some Dismounted Knights for better chasing the routers.

Michael Jackson
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