Very well done. I can't wait to see this.

Double post, but hey.
I'm sure your publisher tells you this anyway, but put your speech on every new line. EG:

"Blah" Said bob, doing somthing.
"But blah blah blah" replied the squirrel. Bob was silent for a while, then replied.
"Aye. Blah Blah Blah."

That kind of thing

And minor point here, but I always thought Gandalf was the last to arrive upon middle earth. Still, that doesn't matter. Very nice, like I said. Keep it up!

Very nice start, Looking forward to the next parts!

Thanks slickman the first part was kinnda rushed as I wanted to get it done , Ill probably edit it later.

Yeah your right EoJ, I do do that. Its the thing that does my head in most, I cant help it sometimes. I think I did it alot there because I was tired, ive just got up and wanted to check it straight away because it didnt feel right. The other thing I do is slip in and out of past tense and present tense, have you noticed? Its another thing I have to work on! Thanks for bringing it up mate ill be more aware of it when i write like that next time.

Ps: I dont have a publisher, I have a publisher request to review a manuscript Thats different.

Pps: everything I wrote in that so far is pretty much factual from tolkien so gandalf and elrond meeting them there was actually acurate. although there are two conflicting accounts.

EDIT: Ok I quickly edited it let me know if it sounds a bit better

[This message has been edited by Eruco Elessar (edited 07-05-2006 @ 07:25 AM).]

So far, it looks good Eruco.

Will be on hold until Boddah is available i think hes a little busy at the moment

It's great so far!

Some positive suggestions are: Mabey a little Sindarin or Quenya (both an Elvish language), and also I'd just like to point out that the Blue Wizards came first, followed by Radagast, Curunir, and finally Olorin.

[This message has been edited by Calenrauko (edited 07-06-2006 @ 01:50 AM).]

Quote:

That is why it is a fiction

http://www.lotrlibrary.com/agesofarda/bluewizards.asp

check out that link for where we are getting the facts we base it on. There are alot of different versions of what happened we have to choose one to base it on.

Thanx for the comments guys Im going to try and do some more elvish speech do we have any elvish speakers in the house?????

Ill do my next part teusday

Ok ive attempted to use some Quenya! I hope my use of the language is correct, I think it is but im still learning

Great! I like how you put in Smeagol and Deagol.

Cheers EoJ!

It should become alot more interesting once were in the east and eventually in the same timeline as the war of the ring

Yay! They're in the east!

Great! I have a feeling we're going to be seeing a lot of this king...

No EoJ we are going to kill him in his sleep, take over his kingdom, the end.

just kidding.. That would be boring now wouldn't it?

I don't know- might explain why they didn't get to the Grey Havens...

Theres going to be alot of new people and races

Should get interesting now Im looking forward to the rest of it now.

After the weekend ill post alot of new parts

Alas- cracks appear allready in the wizard's relationship

Mr T feel free to continue...I trust your wise judgement and story tellin...Ill get a chance to do more soon

I thought that goblins were just in Mountains and such?

And did the Hawkdim make the city?

And finally great story!

They are also in under ground cavers and there are mountains around this area they just havent been talked about yet

the Hawkrim history will be revealed soon

And thanx

[This message has been edited by Eruco Elessar (edited 07-26-2006 @ 06:04 PM).]

Love it

realy good book guys awesome

thanks man...should be coming on alot faster soon

were both a little busy atm but will continue again shortly