The Official Seventh Annual Forumer of the Year: RESULTS

Due to the recent budget cuts HG have experienced, we have had to out-source our introduction speech to some obscure, and very cheap, company. We placed the order and hoped for the best, and this is what the mysterious "A.R.O Speech Writing Inc." rustled up for us:

Everything was black and white... with a bit of brown. The Inner Court offices were cold that night.... My hands, warm... numb. I had been sitting on them for hours... ominously. It's two in the morning... I had stayed late in my AoKH office, filing unnecessary paperwork. On the door reads "ARO, Dictator President". What's the shorthand? Aro, Private Dick. That's right. Perhaps "Dictator" would be more appropriate, but that jive nonsense is irrelevant. Dressed in my orange trenchcoat and old school detective hat, I'm just better than that, ya know? Anyway....

Time flew by... ominously. 'ZEN,' I typed into the textpad, 'NEED MOAR IGLOOS.' I took the sheet of paper out of the typewriter and threw it out the window, where it would be whisked away into Zen's inbox and lost forever. I knew those igloos were desperately needed to cool the hearts of AoKH residents. See, lately there's been trouble in paradise... it was time for the Forumer of the Year Awards, but something had been happening to the contestants. They've been... violently beaten. Ominously. But before I even had the chance to continue my mental recollection of the backstory, a tall figure, face covered in shade, entered the room. "To whom do I owe the pleasure of speaking to... with the if, or whatever?" I sarcastically crooned, wittily, with a bit of sexiness implied. He just glared at me.... "Somebody tried to take my life, Aro!" Woah, I thought... this must be *serious business*. "A man you may know...," he continued, still glaring, "a man so desperate, so crazed, so eager to get that Funniest Forumer Award that I may win, that he'd resort to murder!!!" I raised an eyebrow... cuz I'm bad like that. "Sounds... curiously curious. But... who is it?" All of the sudden he clutched his chest, falling to the floor! "MY SWEET GODS!" I exclaimed, running over to his seemingly unconscious body. I turned his sexy, furry self around, only to discover this man was Ornlu, forumer veteran and residential funny-man! Who would do such a thing?! My mind raced! All of the sudden, he awoke and started shaking his head. "Sorry... stepped away from my keyboard for a sec," he whispered, rubbing his forehead. I grabbed my banstick and thwacked him in the skull, knocking him the hell out; this was a mystery I just *had* to solve... somebody wanted Ornlu dead. Somebody wanted that Funniest Forumer Award. Ominously. I knew I had to figure this case out... before it was *too damn late*.

The halls of Splash Splash were freezing, but I knew if anybody on this site was funny, they were sure to be found within this corrupted wasteland of humor. It was empty, dark, typical AM-shift material... and like clockwork, sitting on a bar stool was none other than Other White Meat, strumming his guitar softly, minding his own business. He was quite the funny dude... and perhaps, funny enough to kill another man?! That was all the evidence I needed! I darted forward and tackled him to the ground. He struggled in shock as I grabbed his guitar and smashed it over his head violently, again and again! "WHAT THE HELL?!" he screamed furiously. I got off of his battered body and took a seat in his bar stool, reaching into my pocket. "Relax chump," I said while taking out a pack of sugary cigar candies and a lighter, igniting the tip as I tucked it between my luscious lips. "No need for theatrics... just tell me what you know, *pretty boy*." He was turning red, seemingly angry, very bruised... it looked like he had the crap beaten out of him, maybe recently. Perhaps these latest murder attempts weren't limited to just Ornlu... perhaps *everyone* vying for the Funniest Forumer Award were being taken out, one by one! "WHAT THE HELL ARO?!?!" he screamed again, my name echoing throughout the hallways; I bobbed my head lightly to the melodic sound of my name. "Alright... you're cleared, kid. Best stay out of trouble though... wouldn't want to upset your MOMMY." With a devilish laugh, I took the still-sizzling cigar and tossed it at the remains of his shattered guitar. He stared at me madly, teeth clenched tight, until his guitar pieces randomly burst into flames... ominously! "AAAUGH! YOU BASTARD ARO?!?!" I smirked at his distress... Private Dicks can't always be fan-favorites, I thought to myself. Oh damn... how cool am I? I mean, really. I walked down the hall, listening to the ambiance of sizzling flames and a screaming European, contemplating on who could *possibly* try to take out *two* Funniest Forumer candidates. Then an idea hit me, like a bolt of lightning striking a submarine in space! I sped down the long hallway; I knew who the culprit was... and yet another case had been solved by ol' Aro. Good lord am I good... and that's what she said.

"Yessir, Scuddles, we should have no problems with *this* FoTY, thanks to good ol' Aro!" Scud stared at me, confused. "But 'Ro, you knocked Ornlu into a coma, sent Other White Meat's guitar to the ER, and for whatever reason, just sent Morgoth to banland!" I shrugged. "Well you certainly are OBSERVANT, Scud, I'll give ya that, but I don't get your point. I nabbed Morgoth! He's the mad-man who tried to hijack our dear Funniest Forumer award!" Scud shook his head... "'Ro, 'Ro... don't you understand, 'Ro? YOU are the culprit!" My eyes darted around the room. "YOU CAN'T PROVE THAT SCUDDLES! AND BY THE WAY I'LL MAKE SURE YOU CAN'T EVER PROVE ANYTHING EVER AGAIN!" I swiftly took out my banstick and started beating the crap out of him. As I was swinging, blood spattering onto my orange coat making a neat design, I couldn't help but think... maybe I really *was* the culprit, ya know? Deep down... maybe I was ruining the validity of the elections by being so... so darn destructive to my buddies with my humor! Ah well... that's thinking for another day, because, LIVE, FROM AGE OF KINGS HEAVEN, IT'S THE FORUMER OF THE YEAR AWARDS 2008!!!




Now, remember it was 3 points for first place, 2 for second and 1 point for third, having added up all the totals from your ballots here are the results. When there is a tie, the results are just sorted in alphabetical order (or not, in the case where there was a lot of ties….Most Misssed I am looking at you), but it doesn’t matter, the tie represents joint position no matter who came in front of who as long as you had the same ranking.

So, without further ado, here it is:

(*) Denotes last year’s winner

1: Most Helpful Forumer
These are the folk that are always there to help, always offering a helping hand and always dropping into some thread to answer the dire pleas of those inside. But we don’t have an overall winner, no we have a tie at the top, so give a big hand to both Impeached and Julius999.
1st Impeached: 23
1st Julius999: 23
3rd Aro: 20

4th Jatayu 11
5th Basse: 9
6th Matty: 8
6th Scud: 8
7th John_Mendl: 7
7th Tanneur99: 7
10th Andanu: 5
11th Fadawah: 4
11thKor: 4
11th n8mac: 4
11th Sly_guy: 4
15th Carlos Ferdinand: 3
15th CortezAoK5: 3
15th UnnamedPlayer: 3
15th Mashek: 3 (*)
16th Mappppp (Jimmy): 2
16th Sandrock_Custom22: 2
16th Xingjianma: 2
22nd newIdea: 1

2: Best Staff Member
This site would be nothing without us staffers, and you have voted on whom you think is “best”. Despite winning with a landslide, Aro still did not manage to beat the record of 82 points set by me a few years back, so best staff he may be, but a record breaker? I don’t think so. And yes, let us give a hand to all our staff whose effort is well noted by the community.
1st Aro: 62
2nd Luke: 15
3rd Basse 14
3rd Scud: 14

5th Tanneur99: 13
6th Mashek: 12
7th Sly_guy 12
8th Kor: 8
9th Matty: 6
10th Shadowflare: 1


3: Most Active Forumer
Now let us thank the meek and meagre no-life bastards who keep this forum together and active. A prize to some, a mark of shame for others, but I must say, I am no longer ‘King of the Losers’, that title is now passed onto Morgoth! Hail to our new king!
1st Morgoth: 44
2nd Aro: 21
3rd Scud: 20 (*)

4th Basse: 13
5th Hunnic Paladin: 8
5th Sly guy: 8
7th CortezAoK5: 3
7th Tanks_fst: 3
7th Tannuer99: 3
10th Areknore: 2
10th Epic Commander: 2
10th Fadawah: 2
10th Fattybryce: 2
10th Ornlu: 2
15th Impeaced: 1
15th Julius999: 1
15th General_ZavierL 1
15th GwameL 1
15th Other White Meat: 1



4: Most Improved Forumer
This is given to terrible forumers who have become mediocre, however this year the awards have gone to awesome forumers who have become even greater. None more greater of the course of year than Sly_Guy according to your votes!
1st Sly_guy: 14
2nd General_Zavier: 12
3rd Aro: 9
3rd Turty: 9

5th cool120: 7
5th Basse: 7
5th Hunnic Paladin 7
8th Areknore: 5
9th Free Scarler: 4
9th Scud: 4
9th Tank_fst: 4
12th Jatayu: 3 (*)
12th Jimmy2 (Mapp): 3
12th Morgoth: 3
12th Neverfinished: 3
12th SandrockCustom22: 3
17th Archon_Wing: 2
17th Cilibinari: 2
17th DrNick93: 2
17th John Mendl: 2
17th Fadawah: 2
17th Luke Gevaerts 2
17th General_Short: 2
24th CortezAoK5: 1
25th Dark_Reign: 1
25th Matty: 1


5: Nicest Forumer
This year we don’t have one sickenly nice former, but in fact two! These are the people who went punched round the face would happily offer the offer cheek, but in the normal context of the forumers, these are the guys who make everybody feel welcome. Give a hand to Andanu and Lord Basse.
1st Andanu: 18
1st Basse: 18
3rd Jatayu: 14

4th Aro : 10
5th Impeached: 8
5th Scud: 8
7th Nav: 7
8th Mappp (Jimmy2): 6
9th Jas the Mace: 5
9th Julius999: 5
9th Meanfred: 5
9th Sly_Guy: 5
13th Hunnic Paladin: 4
13th Von: 4
15th AnastasiaKafka 3
15th Kor: 3
15th Mashek: 3 (*)
15th Surge: 3
15th Stephen Richards: 3
15th Turty: 3
21st Cyrus_: 2
21st Cilibinari: 2
21st Matty: 2
21st Other White Meat: 2
21st scenario_t_c: 2
21st Xingjianma: 2
21st General Zavier: 1
28th n8mac: 1


6: Funniest Forumer
These are men who ye lowly mortals look to for humour and fun, which you look towards and try and emulate their comic might. A large margin between our top three, but an even larger margin between them and the rest (however being a close contest lower down in the rankings, we must look towards these to make in the coming year to make sure they live up to their ranking:
1st Aro: 35
2nd Ornlu: 21
3rd Scud: 17 (*)

4th Morgoth: 7
4th Surge: 7
6th Other White Meat: 6
7th Basse: 4
8th CortezAoK5: 3
8th DaVe: 3
8th Fattybryce: 3
8th Kor: 3
8th Matty: 3
8th Sly_Guy: 3
8th Tanks_fst: 3
15th Daftpanzer: 2
15th Fadawah: 2
15th Impeached: 2
15th Mappp (Jimmy2): 2
15th zyxomma100 2
20th Major Helper: 1
20th Gwame 1
20th Kevo: 1


7: Most Intelligent Forumer
As a video-game fan site our community is awash with nerds and geek, but even by our standards these gentlemen take it a whole new level. Oh yes, please be sure to direct ALL historical questions at our winner, as it is now his obligation through his new title to answer them all, not like he didn’t answer all our questions before anyway.
1st Kor: 17
2nd Aro: 14
3rd Julius999: 10

4th Cobra: 8
5th Nav: 7
5th Scud: 7 (*)
7th SandrockCustom22: 6
8th Fadawah: 5
8th GBH_Roland: 5
8th Luke Gevaerts: 5
8th Other White Meat: 5
12th Impeached: 3
12th Ornlu: 3
12th CC: 3
12th NewIdea: 3
12th Surge: 3
12th Stephen Richards: 3
18th Andanu: 2
18th AnastasiaKafka: 2
18th Hunnic Paladin: 2
18th John Mendl: 2
22nd Basse: 1
22nd Deathmatch: 1
22nd Morgoth: 1
22nd Matty: 1
22nd Unnamed Player: 1
22nd Steve: 1
22nd Xingjianma: 1


8: Signature of the Year
Which forumer has the most garish and eye-catching signature? My, it’s Gwame of course!
1st Gwame: 11
2nd Solivago: 8
3rd Andanu ( Indonesian Knight): 7

4th Julius: 6
5th Aro: 4
5th Basse: 4
5th Jatayu: 4
8th Alex Coles: 3
8th Areknore: 3
8th Fattybryce: 3
8th Kor: 3
8th Scud: 3
13th Ornlu: 2
14th Morgoth: 1
14th Raptor the Good: 1


9: Signature Quote of the Year (please copy and paste the quote in question complete with the author of the quote)
Rather close this round due to the fact we could have done with more votes, but it’s very close and no clear winner – so I guess everybody here is a winner!
1st "Give a crap or don't design" as spoken by Matt LiVecchi: 6 (Made famous by FB)
1st “He who knows not and knows not that he knows not; he is a fool - shun him.
He who knows not and knows that he knows not; he is simple - teach him.
He who knows and knows not that he knows; he is asleep - wake him.
He who knows and knows that he knows; he is Ornlu - follow him!" as spoken by Ornlu: 6 (Made famous by Ornlu)
3rd "Scud: the man who could even make God feel foolish” as spoken by A Banned User: 3 (Made famous by Scud)
3rd "The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.” As spoken by Niels Bohr": 3 (Made famous by General Zavier)
3rd [Thankyou Adanu for not providing the quote meaning there is nothing to put here ] as spoken by Fadawah: 3

5th "~ This space for artistic irony ~" as spoken by Blunt Axe: 2 (Made famous by Blunt Axe)
5th "Scuddles: Rhymes with huggles©" as spoken by Scud: 2 (Made famous by Scud)
5th "Rationalization is a tranquilizer. Stop taking the dose and awaken” as spoken by Shadowflare: 2 (Made famous by Shadowflare)
5th “You will never learn what I am thinking. And those who boast most loudly that they know my thought, to such people I lie even more." As spoken by Adolf Hitler: 2 (Made famous by Myll_Slaghter)
9th "Signature currently under construction. If you want to help out and provide me with the resources needed, download from the above links." As spoken by Morgoth: 1 (Made famous by Morgoth)





10: Most Missed Forumer
Alas poor zyx we knew him well, along with the other 36 names listed. We are sad to see them go, but in fact Zyx is back, popping his head in so really he doesn’t deserve this award , neither does Stephen…or Dantares – you guys just can’t stay away can you? So I suppose hail top our ‘real’ winner CrystalCrown, where are you everybody cries!
1st zyxomma: 27
2nd Stephen Richards: 10
3rd CrystalCrown: 9
3rd Danteres IV: 9

5th Andrew Dunn: 5
5th Doktor Mabuse: 5
5th Myll_Slaghter: 5
5th Oliver: 5
8th Dave_Earl: 4
9th Saint Mungo: 4
10th Adder: 3
10th cool120: 3
10th Goc: 3
10th Shadows: 3
10th Swp: 3
10th Snaily: 3
10th Raptor the Good: 3
10th xingjianma: 3
18th AnastasiaKafka: 2 (*)
18th ax_man1: 2
18th BNC: 2
18th Cobra: 2
18th Dr. Lorenzo: 2
18th kevo: 2
18th Jeffrey: 2
18th LongBowHurtsBad: 2
18th Pauken: 2
27th bleedteal 1
27th Berserker Jerker 1
27th ca_aok 1
27th Colo 1
27th Duncan Hardy 1
27th Flamesfan07 1
27th Socic Shadow 1
27th PaulC 1
27th Wizer 1
27th VonCorgath 1
27th Unjugon 1


11: The Scud-Luke-Matty-Mashek-Kor-Basse-Sly Medal (Most likely to be a member of staff next, and due to the amount of forumers who have been promoted in the last year, the title of this award has ended up rather verbose compared to previous years)
A clear landslide, it was obvious who would have won this from the start…but will the prediction come true? But spare a thought for Impeached, he gained our prediction last year but he has yet to be greened, but maybe next year?
1st Julius999: 36
2nd Impeached: 17 (*)
3rd Andanu: 4
3rd Jatayu: 4

5th Areknore: 3
5th General_Zavier: 3
5th Xingjianma: 3
8th Gwame: 2
8th Stephen Richards: 2
10th newIdea: 1
10th Nav: 1

12: Best Newbie (must be under 1 year of activity)
Another landslide, and well deserved! Apart from the utterly stupid name change, you’re a great guy Mappp Jimmy2 and well done!
1st Mapp (Jimmy2): 35
2nd Cilibinarii: 8
2nd Hunnic Paladin: 8

4th Tanks_fst :6
5th Meanfred: 5
6th Powery: 4
7th YoshiX100000: 3
8th Zebra Poptart: 2
9th Maleficus: 1
9th DrNick93:1
9th Warlord002: 1


13: The Forumer of the Year
Again, another very close round with multiple winners, but…your former of the year (with blatantly deep-pockets) is Aro! If ‘Most Active’ is ‘King of the Losers’ wthe winner of this is the Belle of the Ball, so congratulations to Aro!
1st Aro: 33
2nd Basse: 11
2nd Impeached: 11

4th Ornlu: 10
4th Scud: 10 (*)
6th Julius: 9
7th Sly_guy: 8
8th Mapp (Jimmy2): 6
9th Matty 5
10th Morgoth 3
11th Mashek 2
11th Carlos Ferdinand 2
11th Surge 2
14th Cobra 1
14th CortezAoK5 1
14th Fattybryce 1
14th Stephen Richards 1

So that’s that for another year, now sod off and enjoy your Christmas Day.