Olthor the master of southern horse archers!

Emperor Augustus
Legionary

posted 25 March 2006 21:48 EDT (US) 1 / 30

This doesn't deserve a constructive reply of any sort.

Centurion brutii
Legionary

posted 28 March 2006 16:33 EDT (US) 2 / 30

What the hell
turn off caps lock!!!
spam

----~~~A village in Texas is missing its idiot.~~~----
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thesaints1
Legionary

posted 28 March 2006 18:40 EDT (US) 3 / 30

You should be banned for this, it's the stupidest thing ever written...simply a really undeveloped story that has absolutly no potential. Well, it would have potential if you weren't to write it.

"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die." - Mel Brooks

lxpeng
Legionary

posted 28 March 2006 20:07 EDT (US) 4 / 30

lol, this guy is hilarious. I have no idea what he's talking about, but he's funny as hell.

Neosassin
Legionary

posted 29 March 2006 00:46 EDT (US) 5 / 30

Where are the mods to wield the mighty ban stick of death!?!

[This message has been edited by Neosassin (edited 03-30-2006 @ 00:47 AM).]

TotalWarFanatic
Legionary

posted 29 March 2006 11:14 EDT (US) 6 / 30

Quote:

lol, this guy is hilarious. I have no idea what he's talking about, but he's funny as hell.

I half agree, half think he's got a brain disorder, but your promoting spam. And where is that might banning stick of death, I've never seen it used on this forum.

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
It would be a violation of my code as a gentleman to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed person.-Veeblefester
Ego is the anesthetic for the pain of stupidity.-me A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
I've put most of my units/skins and ss of them on my new site!:
http://totalwarfantic.tripod.com/
Proud winner of most underrated forumer award!

testudoturtle
Legionary

posted 04 April 2006 19:41 EDT (US) 7 / 30

Is this a joke? I can't really understand it, so "constructive" criticism could be that you should stop typing in capital letters and reposting it in language that we all can read...

lxpeng
Legionary

posted 05 April 2006 19:50 EDT (US) 8 / 30

I'm going to try and translate it into English.

Quote:

Olthor, the Lord of Fire, left his land of Hades to quell his hunger and thirst for blood! Quaestors was his father, and has a golden bow and arrow!

Often, Olthor would lay waste to the northern provinces. He used many cool strategies! The horse archers of the south attacked and dominated many enemies, and DESTROYED them with their mobile tactics! They were never defeated by any anybody, any force, or any general anywhere!

Olthor captured many women and put them to bed at night (and sometimes with them)! LOL!

Then, in one battle, he fought against the Egyptians! The Egyptians fought hard but were no match for the steel blades of Olthor and his horse archers (total ownage)! The blades cut into the flesh of the Egyptians and hurt them so much that they squealed like babies! The blades even separated their small and large intestines (total ownage x7)!

All the Egyptians died. (1337 {Unable to translate}) But I don't know what you heard about Olthor, so you're not getting a dollar out of me!

After the battle, Olthor had to sacrifice the left leg of his pet horseshoe crab to the God of Whining Crack Babies of Yhore.

The End.

Whew! That was not easy. *Passes out*

[This message has been edited by LXPeng (edited 04-05-2006 @ 07:51 PM).]

Brittano Iberian
Legionary

posted 06 April 2006 09:12 EDT (US) 9 / 30

bravo LXPeng.

Jmkosiek
Legionary

posted 06 April 2006 15:03 EDT (US) 10 / 30

Umm, what the hell was this abou-*reads the translation* Oh,wow, to be quite frank, that was one of the most retarded pieces that I have ever seen in this forum, even more so than this comic I found:

http://www.vgcats.com/comics/?strip_id=67

(not the plot but what the character drew. Also sorry, but this is true.)

[This message has been edited by Jmkosiek (edited 04-06-2006 @ 03:04 PM).]

TotalWarFanatic
Legionary

posted 07 April 2006 21:27 EDT (US) 11 / 30

I can't believe this thread hasn't been locked already.

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
It would be a violation of my code as a gentleman to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed person.-Veeblefester
Ego is the anesthetic for the pain of stupidity.-me A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
I've put most of my units/skins and ss of them on my new site!:
http://totalwarfantic.tripod.com/
Proud winner of most underrated forumer award!

Brittano Iberian
Legionary

posted 10 April 2006 07:23 EDT (US) 12 / 30

maybe its being kept as a lesson on "How not to write a story"?

Undefeatable
Legionary

posted 10 April 2006 11:34 EDT (US) 13 / 30

Not a well written story, but the Author does not deserve negative feedback as some of you have given!

Crabcake :: Maybe take a look at some other stories here to see a good idea of how they are written. First is first, grammer and proper writing skills! Most important to start off with. Keep CAP locks off, unless you are starting a sentence and such. Trust me, if you practice proper writing skills, people here will very much appreciate it, and might be happy to give you some advice regarding your story line.

Which brings me to my next point, your story line. Before you write a story, prepare some notes and ideas you might include in it. Such as Characters, situations, instances, ideas, places, scenes and so on... Do this, and you'll already be ahead of the game! Once you've created a sort of idea, then you can slowly start filling in the blanks, using dialog and descriptive wording for example. Definately read some stories on here though to give you an idea of how they sound, and how they are stuctured. Use paragraphs! Take your time, be very descriptive, and have fun.

Undefeatable

(////=Undefeatable=\\\\)Most Improved Forumer Award
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[This message has been edited by Undefeatable (edited 04-10-2006 @ 11:34 AM).]

Soccerguy828
Legionary

posted 10 April 2006 13:04 EDT (US) 14 / 30

i've bin seeing this thread for nearly a month now and it's still not closed (locked) ?????????? wtheck?
and thanks LXpeng for the decryption, i could finally read it clearly.

JOYA
Legionary

posted 11 April 2006 03:46 EDT (US) 15 / 30

C'mon guys, he's pretty good for a beginner. Are you writing a sequel Crabcake?

Emperor Augustus
Legionary

posted 11 April 2006 04:42 EDT (US) 16 / 30

JOYA and Undefeatable: Are you shitting me? Do you seriosly think that anyone would come on here and make a serious attempt at writing a story that is like that?

Undefeatable
Legionary

posted 11 April 2006 08:47 EDT (US) 17 / 30

Emperor :: No matter how shitty it is, it doesnt deserve to be knocked down like everyone did. Why be cruel? Be honest, but be helpful! Why be a dick? Why not try to give the lad some advice? He has a right like everyone else to post a story here! If you dont like it, and you cant say anything constructive or helpful, so its not so bad, then just get out, and read someone elses.

I understand that lots of people here are younger kids, but its never too early to practice maturity, and respect.

P.S. Crabcake, please take the time to prepare something before you post. And by the way, how old r u?

EDIT: Emperor, maybe I missed something, but did Crabcake write this as an anoying joke? Or is it an actual attempt to wrtie a tale?

Undefeatable

(////=Undefeatable=\\\\)Most Improved Forumer Award
*--~~~~~~~~~~~()~~~~~~~~~~~--*
(---Unde's Phalanx Strat---)(---Siege Strat---)(---Roman Strat---)(---Phalanx II Strat---)
(---Phalanx Siege Defense---)(---Ambush Strat---)(---Elephant Strat---)
///////-------==Proud Creater of the BattlePic Thread==-------\\\\\\\

[This message has been edited by Undefeatable (edited 04-11-2006 @ 08:49 AM).]

Primo
Legionary
(id: Marcus Orentius)

posted 11 April 2006 09:07 EDT (US) 18 / 30

This thread should be:
[JPEG, (102.36 KB)]
let the flaming of me begin.

Exilian - a website for mods for Mount&Blade, Rome Total War, Empire Total War and news about Shogun 2: Total War
"There is no extreme metal, death metal, progressive metal or vegetarian metal." - Tryhard
"Light infantry, rangers, and riflemen all have the unique ability to pull yard-long poles from their arseholes and plant them in order to stave off cavalry." - BurningSushi460

[This message has been edited by Marcus Orentius (edited 04-11-2006 @ 09:12 AM).]

Undefeatable
Legionary

posted 11 April 2006 09:12 EDT (US) 19 / 30

^ Isnt this a free country? Sounds more like Comunism, or a dictatorship.

(////=Undefeatable=\\\\)Most Improved Forumer Award
*--~~~~~~~~~~~()~~~~~~~~~~~--*
(---Unde's Phalanx Strat---)(---Siege Strat---)(---Roman Strat---)(---Phalanx II Strat---)
(---Phalanx Siege Defense---)(---Ambush Strat---)(---Elephant Strat---)
///////-------==Proud Creater of the BattlePic Thread==-------\\\\\\\

Primo
Legionary
(id: Marcus Orentius)

posted 11 April 2006 09:20 EDT (US) 20 / 30

Yep! That's me! All pro-Hitler I am! j/k

Exilian - a website for mods for Mount&Blade, Rome Total War, Empire Total War and news about Shogun 2: Total War
"There is no extreme metal, death metal, progressive metal or vegetarian metal." - Tryhard
"Light infantry, rangers, and riflemen all have the unique ability to pull yard-long poles from their arseholes and plant them in order to stave off cavalry." - BurningSushi460

TotalWarFanatic
Legionary

posted 11 April 2006 11:28 EDT (US) 21 / 30

He'd not going to write a sequal if he said the end.

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
It would be a violation of my code as a gentleman to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed person.-Veeblefester
Ego is the anesthetic for the pain of stupidity.-me A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
I've put most of my units/skins and ss of them on my new site!:
http://totalwarfantic.tripod.com/
Proud winner of most underrated forumer award!

Undefeatable
Legionary

posted 11 April 2006 12:47 EDT (US) 22 / 30

Marcus :: I wasnt taking a shot at you or anything, I'm just not impressed with the posts on here, shitty story or not!

(////=Undefeatable=\\\\)Most Improved Forumer Award
*--~~~~~~~~~~~()~~~~~~~~~~~--*
(---Unde's Phalanx Strat---)(---Siege Strat---)(---Roman Strat---)(---Phalanx II Strat---)
(---Phalanx Siege Defense---)(---Ambush Strat---)(---Elephant Strat---)
///////-------==Proud Creater of the BattlePic Thread==-------\\\\\\\

JOYA
Legionary

posted 12 April 2006 02:25 EDT (US) 23 / 30

"did Crabcake write this as an anoying joke? Or is it an actual attempt to wrtie a tale?

Read the story and ask yourself that again.

Emperor Augustus
Legionary

posted 12 April 2006 07:25 EDT (US) 24 / 30

Quote:

EDIT: Emperor, maybe I missed something, but did Crabcake write this as an anoying joke? Or is it an actual attempt to wrtie a tale?

Read it. Read it very carefully. Then ask yourself, if someone was seriously going to write a story, would they write it like that? It's like a retarded six year old tried to do it. Now if he wrote a story that was still shitty, but was at least a serious attempt, then I would have given him some advice. He was either trying to be funny or just being an asshole.

Argo
Legionary

posted 12 April 2006 07:56 EDT (US) 25 / 30

At first glance I suffered the sting of pride-wounded; "how can this tyro's tripe garner more responses than any of my works?" My gut sinks and sours in ire...

Then I sit back and realize what this is: A joke. It's funny. And I have to admit two things: 1) This is the first story I've been able to finish in a while. 2) I laughed out loud the whole way through. If Crabcake's serious then I apologize (through barely contained chortles), but if it's a joke I highly appreciate it.

"All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?"

"Sometimes, a view from sinless eyes,
Centers our perspective and pacifies our cries..."