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Age of Kings Heaven » Forums » Town's Crier » AoKH Writing Contest 2017
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Topic Subject: AoKH Writing Contest 2017
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MawBTS
I ONCE PUT AN ENTIRE ORANGE INTO MY MOUTH
(id: Bart Pimpson)
posted 06-17-17 06:07 AM CT (US)   
Excellent news! My herpes is in remission THE 2017 AOKH WRITING CONTEST IS HAPPENING RIGHT HERE AND RIGHT NOW.



I can hardly believe we're halfway through 2017. Sadly, I have to, because it's true whether I believe it or not.

HeavenGames is twenty years old, and the franchise we're posting on isn't much younger. Why are we all still here? What keeps us attached to this site? Something positive, like the friendships we made along the way? Or something negative...perhaps that we can't leave the past behind?

Whatever the reason, I've noticed a trend in the stories submitted to the six prior editions of this contest. They're the work of extreme minds. Let's face it, we're abnormal people, and this results in fiction that, although often unpolished and lacking in technical direction, is almost never boring. I hope that this trend will continue.

What am I writing? A work of fiction, up to ten thousand words in length.

How long do I have? Three months. Submissions close on 15/9, EST.

What's the prize? $100.00AUD, payable through Paypal or bitcoin. This currently works out to around $75USD.

Who do I submit it to? To me, at . Your story should be in .doc, .docx, .odt, or .pdf format.

What are the other rules? Story must be 1) in English, and 2) yours. We expect material that would not be in breach of the forum Code of Conduct.

Meet the Judges!

Donald J Trump is a real estate developer, TV personality, and the 45th President of the United States. Mr Trump is a passionate fan of literature - don't tell anyone, but he's been known to accidentally return the country's nuclear codes to the library instead of Finnegans Wake! Dennis Rader has been dubbed The BTK Killer by the press, but don't let that fool you, BTK actually stands for Breakin' Down, Textualizin', an' Kritiquin' Yer Story. He values education and is eager to help us learn. Plus I offered him 2 more cents an hour than he earns stamping plates at the prison shop. Did you know that Clippy is a woman? "I didn't know a paperclip could have female anatomical parts!" Yeah, you and her last boyfriend both. Since leaving Microsoft, Clippy has hit the lecture circuit, delivering talks such as Sexual Liberation for Office Equipment and You Look Like You Need Help Finding Your Partner's Cliporis.

How the Judging Works


In past contests, you were scored out of a potential 50 points (25 for Technical Proficiency and 25 for Literary Content), the three scores would be added, the highest score would win, and you'd celebrate and break your 12 drink maximum like you do pretty much every night but now you have an excuse god damn it.

Things have changed.

We are trying a new system this year. All three of the judges will read your stories. They will then produce an ordered ranking of the stories, from best to worst, and submit it to me. Then I will add the numbers, and the lowest score will win.

Confused? Suppose we get five submissions...

Les Chants de Maldoror by Comte de Lautréamont
Cujo by Stephen King
Diary of my Lower Bowel Health (vol 1 of 18) by Lord_Fadawah
Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn
Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens

...And the judges produce the following rankings of these submissions.

Donald Trump Dennis Rader Clippy
1. Oliver Twist
2. Cujo
3. Les Chants de Maldoror
4. Gone Girl
5. Diary of my Lower Bowel Health 		1. Oliver Twist
2. Gone Girl
3. Cujo
4. Les Chants de Maldoror
5. Diary of my Lower Bowel Health 		1. Cujo
2. Oliver Twist
3. Les Chants de Maldoror
4. Diary of my Lower Bowel Health
5. Gone Girl


I add them, and we get the final score (remember, lower is better!)

1. Oliver Twist - 4pts
2. Cujo - 6pts
3. Les Chants de Maldoror - 10pts
4. Gone Girl - 11pts
5. Diary of my Lower Bowel Health - 14pts

This method will potentially produce a tie. If Oliver Twist gets two 1s and a 4 & Cujo gets three 2s, they will both have 6pts. If this happens, a tiebreaker vote will be conducted among the three judges.

I give the judges free rein in ranking the stories. They might enjoy technique and sliding perspective and iambic pentameter. They might try to look past the text and see the story within. They might get angry if your blow-by-blow bowel movement diary ends at a critical point. They might not even really be judging the contest at all. Assume they will be harsh but fair. Additionally, commentary will be provided - the judges will explain why they placed each story the way they did.

Previous Writing Competitions:


Popeychops: 2016
Popeychops: 2015
CarolKarine: 2013
Leif Ericson: 2012
sly_guy: 2010
Scud: 2008
EMPTY WORLD - INTENSE TRANSMISSIONS FROM HELL

[This message has been edited by MawBTS (edited 06-21-2017 @ 01:21 AM).]

Author
Replies:
Lord Sipia
Squire
posted 06-17-17 06:17 AM CT (US)     1 / 109  
You know what, I'm in. I've no idea what I'm going to write about just yet, but I'll figure it out.
"Have you ever had a dream that you thought was impossible to achieve? Well, some people say nothing is impossible. But I do nothing every day! So you can definitely do it."
--Tofu the dog's infinite wisdom

"British English is easy! Just use an 's' instead of a 'z' and replace 'or' with 'our' and you're dandy." "Do you want pissa our noodles for dinner?" "u better not piss in r noodles m8"
--Classic exchange between Popeychops and John the Late
Popeychops
"Cool" Huskarl
posted 06-17-17 06:58 AM CT (US)     2 / 109  
Woo! Really like the simple rules and generous prize.

I'm tempted to enter myself.
Member of BlackForest Studios
Co-creator of Silent Evil (4.6) Voted Best Multiplayer Scenario of 2009 (Most Fave'd Multiplayer Scenario)
and The Seas of Egressa (4.8) Voted Best Multiplayer Scenario of 2010
"Popey just hates everywhere." - Chocolate Jesus, on my fear of Romanian organ-traffickers
"Hooray for Dear Leader-Comrade-Generalissimo-Presidente-Lord Protector Popey!" - Lord Sipia, on my benevolent, iron-fisted rule
"You're not Popeychops; you don't get to physics." - Moff, in response to a clumsy muon simile
Kongou Dess
Moff
(id: Moff Yittreas)
posted 06-17-17 08:14 AM CT (US)     3 / 109  
Damn. Now I'm gonna have to rewrite some stuff (didn't like the way it was heading).
Purveyor of the Poi | Deliverer of Desu
Lord Sipia: "THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN SIPPY IS EXCLUDED! EVERYBODY LOSES THEIR SANITY" | Also Lord Sipia: "...Of course. Prepare the butter."
Hi, I'm Kongou! Are you my admiral?
Major Helper
AoKH Survivor, Mr. White Teeth
posted 06-17-17 08:31 AM CT (US)     4 / 109  
*submits Finnish thesis instead*

It's a bit over 9000 words

Not gonna join but the first price is indeed quite generous. Good luck to all participants.
_,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,_
You, you... Finnish Barstool! - Enraged Popeychops
Major Helper: Helping AoE3H Housewives since 2008 - As_Saffah
I spent 3 months trying to convince a door that I was an intelligent life form and gave up. - TLM
Winner of "Nicest" (2012-2016), "Most Helpful" (2014) and "Best Moderator" (2015-2016) Forummer Awards
-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-
Blatant
DoFH Seraph & Director of Seraphs
(id: blatant7)
posted 06-17-17 02:07 PM CT (US)     5 / 109  
Hmm, I'll strongly consider joining. Does everyone else get to read the stories or just the judges? If I don't end up joining I'd definitely be interested in helping out as a judge.
Yes, I began my journey alone, and I ended it alone.
But that does not mean that I walked alone. ~ Brandon Sanderson
Lord Sipia
Squire
posted 06-17-17 02:11 PM CT (US)     6 / 109  
I think the stories are put up for everyone to read after the judging is over and done with.
"Have you ever had a dream that you thought was impossible to achieve? Well, some people say nothing is impossible. But I do nothing every day! So you can definitely do it."
--Tofu the dog's infinite wisdom

"British English is easy! Just use an 's' instead of a 'z' and replace 'or' with 'our' and you're dandy." "Do you want pissa our noodles for dinner?" "u better not piss in r noodles m8"
--Classic exchange between Popeychops and John the Late
MawBTS
I ONCE PUT AN ENTIRE ORANGE INTO MY MOUTH
(id: Bart Pimpson)
posted 06-18-17 05:54 AM CT (US)     7 / 109  
If I don't end up joining I'd definitely be interested in helping out as a judge.
By all means. Shoot me an email if you'd like to help out!
EMPTY WORLD - INTENSE TRANSMISSIONS FROM HELL
Major Helper
AoKH Survivor, Mr. White Teeth
posted 06-18-17 09:09 AM CT (US)     8 / 109  
I wouldn't mind being a judge either as long as my non-professional opinion is wanted/needed
_,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,_
You, you... Finnish Barstool! - Enraged Popeychops
Major Helper: Helping AoE3H Housewives since 2008 - As_Saffah
I spent 3 months trying to convince a door that I was an intelligent life form and gave up. - TLM
Winner of "Nicest" (2012-2016), "Most Helpful" (2014) and "Best Moderator" (2015-2016) Forummer Awards
-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-
Vinyl
Banned
posted 06-18-17 09:35 AM CT (US)     9 / 109  
How about... Stylistic anime Obtuse porn allegories
Kongou Dess
Moff
(id: Moff Yittreas)
posted 06-18-17 09:39 AM CT (US)     10 / 109  
What, like, "Kyaaa! That was my citadel!"?
Purveyor of the Poi | Deliverer of Desu
Lord Sipia: "THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN SIPPY IS EXCLUDED! EVERYBODY LOSES THEIR SANITY" | Also Lord Sipia: "...Of course. Prepare the butter."
Hi, I'm Kongou! Are you my admiral?
CarolKarine
Squire
posted 06-18-17 02:58 PM CT (US)     11 / 109  
definitely in.
Proud owner of Splash Splash XLIV: Leave it there for someone to find, Which is on record for being the fastest thread to reach 2500 posts - which was completed in 28 hours and 17 minutes, from start to finish!
Yeah, the republican party is pretty much one big schizophrenic ball of contradictions nowadays. - Ax_man1
double post for milestone, then relentlessly bash on the community for the hell of it... stay classy thymole. - Lurker
Lord Basse
MI6 Scenario-Making Machine
posted 06-18-17 03:00 PM CT (US)     12 / 109  
Count me in!
__[]_________
|||||||||||||||||
The ||||||||||||||||| Hus
OF | [/ \] |¯| [/ \] | ME
______________________________________________________________________________ |__ _ |¯|____|_______________________________________________________________________________
The Relics of Athalën (5.0) | AoK Opus - 100,000+ downloads | StormWind Studios | "I consider the conversion of Basse to be one of the great triumphs of my modding crusade" - Matt LiVecchi
MrMew
Huskarl
posted 06-19-17 03:26 AM CT (US)     13 / 109  
Saw the prize, thats hella generous. Thought I might finish one of my short stories. Saw that it was to be 10000 words long...

"Oh."
Time of Tea
Still in the Dark Age
Don't be a melodramatic clown. ~Mr Wednesday
Vinyl
Banned
posted 06-19-17 06:16 AM CT (US)     14 / 109  
Bad competition entries are easy with alcohol. Two hours tops.
Blatant
DoFH Seraph & Director of Seraphs
(id: blatant7)
posted 06-19-17 10:21 AM CT (US)     15 / 109  
If you have enough cocaine you could do it in 15 minutes, easy.
Yes, I began my journey alone, and I ended it alone.
But that does not mean that I walked alone. ~ Brandon Sanderson
Popeychops
"Cool" Huskarl
posted 06-19-17 10:44 AM CT (US)     16 / 109  
Started my first draft. This will be fun!
Member of BlackForest Studios
Co-creator of Silent Evil (4.6) Voted Best Multiplayer Scenario of 2009 (Most Fave'd Multiplayer Scenario)
and The Seas of Egressa (4.8) Voted Best Multiplayer Scenario of 2010
"Popey just hates everywhere." - Chocolate Jesus, on my fear of Romanian organ-traffickers
"Hooray for Dear Leader-Comrade-Generalissimo-Presidente-Lord Protector Popey!" - Lord Sipia, on my benevolent, iron-fisted rule
"You're not Popeychops; you don't get to physics." - Moff, in response to a clumsy muon simile
Mithril Knight
Squire
posted 06-19-17 11:26 AM CT (US)     17 / 109  
I'm considering to join, but I'm not sure. I'll let you know if I start writing something.
►►►►Mithril Knight◄◄◄◄
My Works
¡Viva México!
My Coat of Arms
Mr Wednesday
Cavalier
(id: matty12345)
posted 06-19-17 11:28 AM CT (US)     18 / 109  
I'm around to judge again if you need me.
"And Matt is a prolific lurker, watching over the forum from afar in silence, like Batman. He's the president TC needs, and possibly also the one it deserves." - trebuchet king
Neochud
Squire
(id: Taichud)
posted 06-19-17 11:57 AM CT (US)     19 / 109  
Spelling mistakes won't seriously get you marked down considerably in this one, I hope?

Not that I actually make them, but I take issue with the principle.
Major Helper
AoKH Survivor, Mr. White Teeth
posted 06-19-17 02:13 PM CT (US)     20 / 109  
Assuming everyone has the same pool of points from which the points are marked down from, I don't see the issue, since there're other point pools for other factors

(says the heaviest down-marker)

EDIT: not a judge so I dunno what the criteria will be for this anyways
_,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,_
You, you... Finnish Barstool! - Enraged Popeychops
Major Helper: Helping AoE3H Housewives since 2008 - As_Saffah
I spent 3 months trying to convince a door that I was an intelligent life form and gave up. - TLM
Winner of "Nicest" (2012-2016), "Most Helpful" (2014) and "Best Moderator" (2015-2016) Forummer Awards
-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-

[This message has been edited by Major Helper (edited 06-19-2017 @ 02:14 PM).]

Neochud
Squire
(id: Taichud)
posted 06-19-17 04:05 PM CT (US)     21 / 109  
Well, spelling mistakes are inconsequential to the business of telling a good story IMHO.
Lord Sipia
Squire
posted 06-19-17 04:31 PM CT (US)     22 / 109  
Well, I really can't agree with that one. I do think a couple errors should be overlooked, since you can hardly demand perfection and you're just nitpicking if you make a big deal out of that. However, when a writer consistently and frequently makes such mistakes, it definitely does detract from the experience because it's distracting and patience-trying. There is a reason we call them "errors" and "mistakes". Taking the time and effort to iron most of them out and properly proofreading your work is all a part of showing care for how your story is presented to its audience. And really, unless you're dyslexic or something similar, there's no excuse for leaving them in.

You might say you don't mind spelling errors all that much, but that's personal opinion and hardly grounds to disagree "on principle".
"Have you ever had a dream that you thought was impossible to achieve? Well, some people say nothing is impossible. But I do nothing every day! So you can definitely do it."
--Tofu the dog's infinite wisdom

"British English is easy! Just use an 's' instead of a 'z' and replace 'or' with 'our' and you're dandy." "Do you want pissa our noodles for dinner?" "u better not piss in r noodles m8"
--Classic exchange between Popeychops and John the Late
Popeychops
"Cool" Huskarl
posted 06-19-17 05:43 PM CT (US)     23 / 109  
If your story isn't written in proper English then it doesn't demonstrate the technical ability of a written work that is.
Member of BlackForest Studios
Co-creator of Silent Evil (4.6) Voted Best Multiplayer Scenario of 2009 (Most Fave'd Multiplayer Scenario)
and The Seas of Egressa (4.8) Voted Best Multiplayer Scenario of 2010
"Popey just hates everywhere." - Chocolate Jesus, on my fear of Romanian organ-traffickers
"Hooray for Dear Leader-Comrade-Generalissimo-Presidente-Lord Protector Popey!" - Lord Sipia, on my benevolent, iron-fisted rule
"You're not Popeychops; you don't get to physics." - Moff, in response to a clumsy muon simile
Neochud
Squire
(id: Taichud)
posted 06-19-17 06:09 PM CT (US)     24 / 109  
Spell-checking should ideally be left to the editors. The 'technical ability' of your writing isn't determined by your knowledge of how to spell 'Caribbean' or 'pronunciation' but really by how well your words flow and how effectively they get across what you're trying to say.

As for 'proper English', sometimes the use of English not so proper is intentional and adds to the story, for example when the writer uses slang/dialect or even when liberties are taken with grammar, as writers such as James Joyce did. Also, a requirement for 'proper English' utterly needlessly discriminates against those who are non-native English writers but who can nevertheless write really juicy prose and tell a banging story.

EDIT: Of course, writers should as much as possible try to keep their spelling accurate and when not intended otherwise, keep their grammar correct. However, mistakes in doing so should only play a very minor role in judging IMHO.

[This message has been edited by Sinochud (edited 06-19-2017 @ 06:18 PM).]

Mr Wednesday
Cavalier
(id: matty12345)
posted 06-19-17 06:21 PM CT (US)     25 / 109  
What's with this spelling doesn't matter attitude? You autocorrect generation haha. When I went to elementary school that wasnt a thing. :P
"And Matt is a prolific lurker, watching over the forum from afar in silence, like Batman. He's the president TC needs, and possibly also the one it deserves." - trebuchet king
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