You must be logged in to post messages.
Please login or register

Bardic Circle - War Stories & AAR forum
Moderated by Terikel Grayhair

Hop to:    
loginhomeregisterhelprules
Bottom
Topic Subject: The Battles For Freedom: Chapter 3. Im finally done, check it
« Previous Page  1 2  Next Page »
posted 22 November 2005 15:08 EDT (US)   
If you havent had a chance to read Chapter 1 or 2, then here they are.

Chapter 1: The first Battle
Chapter 1 cont...
Chapter 2: Nero's Rage


Heres chapter 3. Hope its to your liking. Let me know any advice please!


Chapter 3: The Defence of Rome
9:48 AM, July 25th, Nearing Galba’s defence lines, Outside
Rome.

Lucaius and his army had been marching steadily for over a week, exhausting most of the men. Provisions were scarce, many horses were dead, and frustration was like a disease. At the expense of rest, men attempted to sharpen their blades and repair their armour, but fatigue overcame them. They desperately struggled to sleep, but many men were still wounded from the previous battle. Surgeons were overwhelmed, and there was no time. At nights and in the midst of the shadows, injured men would find themselves at the mercy of fierce wolves. Screams of men being eaten alive echoed through the camp; terror and tension was everywhere.

At first light of every day, the army was marching, now Rome was in sight. Sorrow, respect and honour remained for fallen comrades and those taken in the night, although tension suddenly lifted. The mighty Rome, home to most families of the men in Lucaius’s army was like paradise itself. Rolling hills and green valleys surrounded this immense city, and fresh cooked meat from nearby fire pits filled the air like an aroma.

“My lord! Galba’s army is ahead!” Shouted Maximus trying to be heard over the galloping cavalry.

“Maximus! As fast as you can, get our injured to the surgeon’s tents. Go!” Yelled Lucaius as the sight of 50,000 rebels spread out over the horizon. Waiting in position, the Rebel’s advancements had halted. Unusual Lucaius thought, but honourable to give the Roman’s time to prepare. “Marcus! Our men need food, see to it. Be swift, we have to prepare for war!” Lucaius’s eyes lit up as he commanded his captains. War had always been his specialty, and motivating his troops was a passion.

The battlefield was vast to say the least. Scattered farms, streams and rocky mounds, some covered with trees and brush were obstacles both armies had to contend with. Peaceful to the eyes, the ground was covered with tall green grass, flowers of all sorts, and shrubs. Behind Galba and Lucaius’s armies was Rome’s defensive wall, high and proud. The Rebel’s had situated their forces in front of the eastern tree line, waiting and studying. 10,000 spearmen made up their front lines in squads of 1000, stretching out over a mile wide and 100 meters deep. Nearly 20,000 axe men, light infantry, and heavy swordsmen were positioned behind the spearmen, terrifying in their numbers. Their squads also held 1000 men, spread out over a mile in length, and almost 200 meters deep. 15,000 cavalry were hiding amongst the trees, concealed by shadows and waiting to flank. 4000 archers were on the move, half on each sides of the Rebel army. War hounds, skirmishers, and peasants made up the rest of the army, and were ordered to guard the tents and provisions.

Across the battlefield, Lucaius and Galba’s armies were preparing for position. The sky, now a pale grey, had begun raining a slight drizzle on the field. A thick fog was slowly rising from the ground, and the loud, earth-shaking thunder could be heard in the far distance. Flashes of lightning were inconsistent, and startling to the men. The Rebel’s drums were playing a deadly tune, slow, steady and loud. On every last drum, the Rebel’s would yell at the top of their lungs. A fearful and powerful display it was. In the centre of preparations, Lucaius had reached Galba’s council tent.

“General Lucaius, welcome home my friend.” Politely said Galba as if he had never backstabbed Lucaius before. “Why are your captains not present?”

“Sir, my captains are attending to my troops, we’ve been on the march for over a week. They need food and medical treatment.” Replied Lucaius respectfully. “What are thy orders sir?”

“Lucaius, I need your army on the front line.” Firmly said Galba.

Lucaius was baffled and infuriated, his eyes met Galba’s as if they were about to fight to the death.

“Sir? You mean to attack?” Asked Lucaius with a firm and steady voice. His thoughts were of the men’s safety. “I’ve heard reports that their armour and weaponry are much more proficient then we anticipated.” Galba’s captains were now at the ready. Their heads turned cautiously toward Galba. Should a brawl take place, their loyalties would lie with Lucaius. Galba briefly laughed.

“Lucaius, you underestimate me my old friend. Before we sent for you, I ordered more reinforcements from Sagesta, approximately 15,000.” Replied Galba. “They should reach the Rebel’s rear flank soon.” Dead silence broke throughout the tent.

“Sir! What of Sagesta’s protection? Certainly the Emperor would not have authorized this?” Quickly asked Lucaius who was heart broken and disgusted by Galba’s words.

“Protection? Ha! Rome is the only place in need of protection; Sagesta will have to wait Lucaius. These are my orders straight from Caesar Nero himself” Answered Galba, careless his voice was.

“Sir, surely someone would have noticed the forces pulling out of Sagesta, they’re in danger sir! Romans live their sir. Soldiers families sir!” Lucaius was enraged, his eyes filled with fire; he was ready to kill Galba at once, yet that was improper.

“Enough!” Yelled Galba. “Lucaius, prepare your men. My captain’s will instruct you according to my orders. That is all, dismiss”

Lucaius glanced one more time at Galba as he bowed his head. His eyes were filled with rage and defiance as he looked away and began out the tent.

“Lucaius!” Shouted Galba. Lucaius slowly turned his head toward Galba. Time stopped, his breathing was heavy and strong. The captain’s stopped dead in their tracks; Lucaius was a large man, standing 6’4”. His deadly blows, precise and powerful could crack a mans skull, and his ability with a sword was unequalled. “If you ever defy me again, I will have you arrested for treason. Understood?”

Lucaius concealed his rebelliousness as the tension surged up his back. His hand tightened into a fist as hard as stone as it slowly edged toward his sword. Now was not the time to strike, in the future, they would meet again. Lucaius would make sure of it. Instead he walked out and mounted his horse Nereus.

“Aulus! Find Maximus and Marcus, we prepare for battle at once! We regroup on the front line.” Instructed Lucaius, sounding as powerful as Jupiter himself.

“Yes my lord, at once!” Aulus quickly rushed off.

Galba’s army was almost in position. Insufficient their numbers were, but inspirational they stood. Every man in line with the next, shoulder-to-shoulder, and blade-to-blade. An impressive sight it was and sadly, their hearts were poisoned with fear, but true Roman’s they remained.

As the air slightly cooled, the horse’s steamy breath was visible and frightening. Pounding their hooves into the mud, they were poised and ready to attack. As the rain continued, the harder it got, pouring off the men’s helmets and armour; the sky was now
darker than before. The battlefield was littered with puddles of water and mud, and the fog had risen as high as the men’s waste. Thunderous roars exploded above the two armies, and the intense lightning lit up the field with every strike. The battle was moments away.
* * *

Lucaius’s 6000 men were now organized with the eagerness to kill. Galba’s 20,000 men were just behind. Prepared to wage war, both forces faced each other, as memories of loved ones, homelands and freedom beset their minds. The Rebel’s weapons were in the air as they chanted with rage and revenge.

“General Lucaius! Galba’s signalling the order to march.” Shouted Marcus, positioned to Lucaius’s left. Maximus was on the right, and in front of them was the infantry, nearly 4000 troops. Lucaius grew confused and his thoughts were impure as he sat on his horse motionless, barely able to see through the fog and rain. The best strategy is to wait he pondered, wait for the attack and try to surround the enemy. Yet he was being ordered to strike. A sure death trap for any fool he thought and he began to realize that Galba’s order was questionable.

“Marcus, Maximus.” Said Lucaius, staring at the unforgiving force across the field, still wavering their weapons.

“Sir!” Replied both captains as they positioned their horses on both sides of Lucaius.

“Friends.” Lucaius began to talk in a soft and passionate voice; almost a whisper insuring the conversation would be kept amongst the three of them. “For the first time in my life, I feel defiant towards Rome.” Lucaius, still looking to the enemy. “My mind is confused. How can I follow an order that will send all of my brave men to their certain deaths? I ask you this; what should I do?” Lucaius turned his head at Marcus, then Maximus.

The captains were silent, never hearing this sort of talk from their great General. Usually he was very persuasive and inspirational when it came to the Roman way of life. But the Senate had gone too far this time; general Galba was insane with his orders, and in the interests of the Roman people, Galba was deemed unsafe.

Maximus was the first to answer. “Lucaius, I am with you my friend. Galba has gone mad. He should be relieved of his command.” Lucaius turned to Marcus.

“I also agree with you sir.” Marcus was unsure in his voice.

“Marcus, what is it, time is running out.” Quickly replied Lucaius. Galba had already given the order to march, and they had not yet started.

“Lucaius, if we go against Galba’s orders, we’ll be branded as traitors. Caesar and Galba are too close sir.” Marcus was right. A civil war would arise should they overthrow Galba. Lucaius sighed while lowering his head. Glancing back over his shoulder toward Galba’s squad, he got an idea. “Captain’s! Join me across the field. I want to meet this feared General.” Lucaius was already trotting as the captain’s were trying to understand what he had just ordered. Hastily, they snapped out of it, and followed. From the back of the Roman lines Galba had noticed Lucaius’s move. His personal guard were wavering in fear not knowing what Galba would do.

“Captain! What is General Lucaius doing?” Asked Galba with a malicious and forceful voice. He was outraged by Lucaius’s act of disobedience.

“Lord Galba!” Hollered one of his captain’s as his arm was stretched out, pointing toward the enemy general. “The Rebel’s leader rides out to meet him.”

“That traitor! What does he think he’s doing? I’ll have him hanged for this!” Screamed Galba, furious with rage and embarrassed in front of his men. “Gaius! Prepare to fire.” He ordered, ready to kill Lucaius in order to take out the enemy’s general.

“But sir, if we fire, we risk killing Lucaius.” Gaius knew he was questioning his orders, but Lucaius was a good man.

“Gaius! Prepare to fire, or I will have you arrested”

“No sir! I will not fire on Luciaus, he’s a Roman for gods sake!”

Galba turned to the guard to his left. “Arrest that man at once!” The unaware guard quickly followed his orders. Forcefully grabbing Gaius’s arm, he pulled him toward the prisoner’s tent. Gaius put up little fight, he now only thought of his wife and six children whom he might never see again. As they walked by Galba, Gaius starred with the intent to kill, and spat on the ground as a sign of disrespect. As he had done so, lightning had snapped in the sky and the thunderous explosions followed immediately after, shaking the entire field. With out warning Galba’s foot smashed into Gaius’s face knocking him out instantly, sending blood and teeth onto the guard’s cheek and breastplate. Gaius fell to the ground, his bleeding face crashed into the soaked mud, and his body was twitching. Many of the men around witnessed this and grew unpleasant. Galba laughed.

“Take him away!” Ordered Galba. The next man of sufficient rank took command of the archers and again, Galba gave the order to prepare to fire. The captain proceeded.

In the centre of the field, Lucaius could almost see the other General. His captains were at the ready, gripping their weapons. It was impossible to make out the General’s face for the rain was still persistent. Through the mist, a shadow on horse back followed by three guards emerged. The General’s face was covered with a black mask, and his armour was heavy, and full-bodied. All four men carried long swords, and each one had a bow and arrows fastened to their horses sides. The horses chests and faces were plated with light armour, enough to withstand a volley. For a moment as the thunder and lightning kept smashing above, illuminating the field, Lucaius’s view of the General’s eyes was enhanced. The man was fixed on Lucaius, watching him study their every move. Lucaius recognized that look; something familiar about it, the courage and honour he saw in those eyes took him back many years.

* * *
The Disappearance Of Nereus

August 2nd, 49 AD, Britannia, 10 years prior.


“Lucaius, it’s taking too long, something’s not right.” Whispered Nereus as they waited beneath the trees, and in the shadows. 2000 Roman legionnaires, archers and cavalry concealed themselves within the forest, hiding until the moment. An ambush was their plan, and intelligence informed them of a Barbarian Caravan containing Roman prisoners and guarded by about 1000 light infantry would be travelling along this route. Lucaius glanced over his left shoulder and nothing was to be seen. He then took a look over his right, again nothing but the sounds of birds and crickets. The wind was blowing ever so slightly, but no evidence of troops on the march could be heard. Ahead of them was the road, except nothing was there. Just some tall grass swaying in the wind, and a few rocks scattered about.

“I think your right Nereus, it’s too quite.” Replied Lucaius in a soft voice. “They should have been here by now.” Lucaius became defensive. The hairs on the back of his neck stood straight up, deception was in the air.

“Lucaius, what should we do?” Asked Nereus.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Nereus’s Past

Nereus was a man of great combat skill. He stood 5’11”, and was a slim soldier as fast as the wind. When he was a little boy, the Barbarian’s slaughtered his parents and torched their farm to the ground. Nereus was left to die; only eleven at the time, they had stretched him out, bound him to the ground, slit his arms, legs, and torso just enough to keep him alive for a few days. Eventually they had planned he would be eaten alive by whatever predator was seeking blood. Fortunately, a day later, nearly dead from blood loss, a group of Highlanders discovered him and attended to his wounds. His spirit was strong, the lust for revenge kept him alive. As his strength returned, the Highlanders began teaching him the ways of the sword. They were surprised by his will to learn, by the amount of knowledge he was taking in, he was capable of great power. At the age of seventeen, during his personal training, he encountered six men, most likely of the Barbarian clans. They intended to rob and kill him, but they had greatly underestimated this young lad. Quickly, they surrounded him, swords drawn. Nereus was calm, standing still, arms to his sides. Besides a great warrior, Nereus was trained to create his own weapons. His weapon of choice, a 41” by 2” straight sword. Near the tip, the sword began to curve. The blade was 31” and the handle was 10”, a perfect weapon designed to out manoeuvre the enemies. Light weight, and sturdy enough to cut through most metal. Nereus’s concentration was profound, what seemed like a few seconds to the six men, was like ten minutes to Nereus. To his right, one of the men made a move by swinging his sword from above. Nereus was already prepared; the Barbarians shoulder motion prior to his attack gave it away. Swiftly, Nereus ripped his sword from its sheath on his back, kneeled down, and blocked the mans attack. While drawing his sword, Nereus had secretly palmed one of his short knives positioned on his belt, and threw it through the mans throat to his left. Before the man on his right could react to the lightning fast block, blades still locked together, Nereus slid his sword through the mans fingers followed by a kick to his chest, sending him flying to the ground. Blood was everywhere. This had only lasted the length of a single breath and the other four men had just realized that the battle was on. The two Barbarians behind Nereus lunged at him. One swung his sword trying to take off Nereus’s head; the other tried to stab him through his side. Nereus quickly ducked as the sound of the blades through the air caught his attention. Like slow motion, one blade swung by, barely missing Nereus’s head. Before the man completed his swing, Nereus had impaled his sword up and through the mans crotch. Blood splattered all over Nereus’s face. As the Barbarian began to scream and fall to the ground with Nereus’s sword still stuck in him, Nereus spun sideways, leaped up to his knees and trapped the other mans sword between his hands before he could stick it in his side. He quickly and forcefully kicked the man in his left knee snapping it in half. As the man fell, holding his shattered knee, Nereus tossed his sword in the air, catching it by the handle. This was a shorter sword then he preferred, but all the same. Slowly and honourably, he bowed to the slain men on the ground, and then turned to the other two.

“When your ready” Calmly stated Nereus. Without thought, they darted off through the forest, hoping the young warrior would not give chase. Nereus didn’t. Instead, he kneeled beside the man who fortunately still had his life, less one knee.

“Who are you?” Passionately asked Nereus. The man was silent, gritting his teeth in pain. “If you are a simple man trying to feed his family, I will help you.” Stated Nereus. The man looked surprised and felt reassured.

Barely able to pronounce his words, the man said. “My name is Alaric. I was named after Alaric The Goth, our first great leader.” Nereus’s muscles grew tense and the Barbarian coughed. “One day, our tribes will wreak havoc on the nations of the world.” The Barbarian spoke as if he was certain to die. “You, and everyone like you will be dead, or at our service; scum!” He then spit on Nereus’s foot.

Nereus’s eyes grew huge; the demon within him took control. Realizing these men were Barbarian’s, he arose to his feet, unsheathed his sword from the dead mans crotch, and skewered the man through his throat. The Barbarian gargled, blood filled his throat, and he slowly and painfully drowned to death. Nereus’s hate for the Barbarian’s was too strong for his honourable control, as he had sworn an oath to rid the land of these barbaric men, for peace and freedom. He had performed well this day.


_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The Disappearance Of Nereus Continued

“Stay still my friend, we must wait at least till darkness sets before we retire.” Replied Lucaius, answering Nereus’s question. Suddenly Nereus’s breathing stopped. His ears had picked up a disturbance in the flow of the winds sound.

“ARROWS INCOMING!” Shouted Nereus as all the men turned to him, startled beyond control.

As Lucaius was about to give the order to raise shields, confident in Nereus’ skill, the arrows hit, 1500 of them. Cutting through the leaves and branches like Zeus’s bolts, they battered the army. Leaves were floating down like soft snow on a winters morning as men’s faces, shoulders, stomachs, legs and backs were pierced savagely. Instantaneously, half of the army was either dead, or seriously injured as the arrows sliced through ignoring their armour.

“Nereus! Where are they?” Asked Lucaius, desperate to retreat his men from the carnage.

Nereus paused for a moment, anxious to slay as many as possible; his demon was again taking over. Without notice, Nereus stormed off, unsheathing his sword.
“Luciaus! This way!” Shouted Nereus as he ran off, sword positioned behind, ready to strike.

“Nereus wait!” Lucaius was unable to stop Nereus. He knew that look in his eyes meant a lot of people were going to die as he was mad with revenge. “Fool, he’s going to get himself killed!” Lucaius paused for a second knowing more arrows were most likely incoming. He wanted to attack, but was unsure as his position was compromised. Through the confusion, Lucaius knew what he had to do. “Maximus, Marcus! Follow Nereus! MEN, CHAAAAAAAARGE”

* * *
Present Time: Still outside Rome, Preparing to Fight

That day was the last time Lucaius saw those unforgettable eyes. Ten years had passed since Nereus’s last stand, charging into an overwhelming force. But Nereus never returned, and his body was never found. Lucaius assumed he had been slain during that day; but was it so.

Across the field, Galba was still inspecting Lucaius’s move. With the flickers of lightning, Galba could see that a conversation was taking place. He was becoming impatient, and his mind was going mad with frustration and embarrassment.

“Greetings this fine morning.” Addressed Lucaius with his strong and powerful voice. The rain, thunder and lightning were still as persistent as before. “My name is General Lucaius Decimus, Praetor of the II Augusta Legions. I welcome you to this battlefield.” Lucaius wasn’t giving the other general any impression that he had recognized him. If it were truly Nereus behind that shrouded mask, his allegiance was unknown. The mysterious general bowed his head and raised his right hand to re-greet Lucaius and his captains. As he lowered his hand, and gripped his reigns, he spoke in a relaxed and peaceful voice.

“Lucaius Decimus, it’s been too long my old friend.” The captain’s were stunned as they all gazed at Nereus and Lucaius; mouths wide open.

“Sir, you know this man?” Asked Maximus, completely in shock with the current situation. Marcus didn’t bother to speak as Maximus had stolen the words right out of his mouth.

“Maximus, you don’t recognize your old comrade Nereus.” Asked Lucaius. Maximus’s eyes widened and he smiled.

“Nereus, where have you been all this time? We thought you were dead.” Maximus couldn’t hold himself back.

“Maximus, not now.” Lucaius was becoming concerned; he had not forgotten that he just defied Galba’a orders moments ago. “Nereus, we have little time to discuss matters, and I have no time to explain.” Nereus nodded his head in compliance.

“What do you propose my old friend, I have come a long way to see Caesar Nero pay for his tyranny.” Nereus was unforgiving in his words, but was respectful to his old leader and great friend.

“As I suspect, General Galba is preparing to launch a volley at us.” Explained Luciaus.

“Hah, impossible, he would sacrifice you to kill me?” Nereus found the situation ironic. “And you stand here prepared to fight for a man like that?”

“Nereus! We have no time, I defied his orders moments ago and I’m sure he’s branded me as a traitor already.” Described Lucaius.

_ _ _ _ _ _

“Captain! What’s your status?” Requested Galba, eager to begin the combat.

“Archers at the ready sir!”

“Ignite arrows! Fire on the enemy general on my command.” Ordered Galba.

“Yes sir!” Replied the newly assigned captain, Adeodatus.

_ _ _ _ _ _

“Nereus, the enemy is igniting their arrows, they are about to fire.” Mentioned Alphios, one of Nereus’s commanders, a Greek descendent.

“What of our men Lucaius? We can’t leave them. Surely Galba will try to get rid of all of them, they’re loyal to you sir.” Said Maximus.

“Maximus is right my friend, they wont survive without you.” Nereus was still calm, awaiting Luciaus’s decision. Lucaius then lowered his head, trying to decide the best course of action. As he did so, Galba was finalizing his attack.

“Platius!” Roared Galba. Platius was Galba’s right hand man given the rank of personal guard and servant to Galba. He was deviant and malicious, merely concerned with money, and himself. Five years ago, Platius became jealous of a colleague’s life and family. Desperate, Platius raped and killed the mans wife while he was away on march with Galba’s army. Discarding of the body, he was caught by the mans two children who were only five and seven years of age. They as well met their death as he coldly stabbed both of them numerous times. Unfortunately the evidence was insufficient to convict anyone for the crime and it was quickly forgotten.

“Yes my lord?”

“Platius, bring this message to the Emperor exactly as I say it to you now.” Instructed Galba.

“What would you have me say my lord?”

“Inform the Emperor that General Lucaius Decimus and his army are traitors. They have conspired with the Rebel enemy and both are planning to sack Rome. I am preparing to launch an attack to destroy them as we speak.” Platius smiled his evil grin.

“Yes my lord right away.” Platius then road off like the wind.

Just as Platius galloped off, Galba signalled Lucentius, Commander of the Praetorian Legion.

“My lord!”

“Inform your men and the other captain’s that General Lucaius and his men have sided with the enemy, we strike at once!” Ordered Galba.

“Sir? Lucaius’s men are our front line.” Lucentius almost threw up right there, and then quickly composed him self. “You want us to attack fellow Roman’s from behind sir?”

Galba was now demonic in his thoughts. Two men had already betrayed him that day, and he was ready to kill the next that questioned his orders.

“Lucentius, if you do not follow this order, I will kill you where you stand. When I’m done with you, I will allow my most vicious men to go to work on your family. Is that understood?” Galba’s true monstrous personality emerged that moment and Lucentius was paralysed.

“A. h. . .h, yes my lord, I will see it done.” Hesitated Lucentius as a single tear rolled down his cheek, disguising itself among the rain. His love for Rome had vanished. His life was ruined. If he refused Galba’s order, his wife and children who had a farm near Arretium would become prey to a tortuous death. He knew Lucaius was no traitor; he was a great man, a man of honour, pride, respect, and loyalty. His men were just the same. If anyone deserved to die, it was Galba. Nevertheless, his love for his family temporarily overcame his moral judgement and poisoned his mind. Although, love isn’t poison he thought, love gives a man courage, and passion, it gives them the will to fight for their rights and freedom. Suddenly, Lucentius had an idea, and it was the only solution to his problem. In spite of everything he would issue Galba’s order, fulfilling his duties and hopefully saving his family. As the signal was given to attack Lucaius’s men, he would command them to retreat toward their leader in the centre of the field hoping Lucaius had reached a temporary truce with the enemy. As they retreated, Lucentius would follow; with any luck, Galba wouldn’t notice. It was a thin plan, and most likely wouldn’t work, but his family and the lives of those men were worth the effort. As Lucentius made his decision, the battle began.

“Archers!” Galba paused allowing them time to aim. “Fire!” Commanded Galba. “Infantry! Ataaaaack!”

All at once Galba’s orders echoed. The archers raised their bows into the air and quickly fired as they were being extinguished one by one. Like stars falling from the sky, the arrows illuminated the battlefield slicing through the cold black rain. At the same time, Galba’s infantry charged Lucaius’s men.

“Nereus! Retreat! We’ll rendezvous with you once I have my men. Go Now!” Ordered Lucaius.

“Farewell my friend. Alphios, go with them, they will need to know the way.” Instructed Nereus.

Quickly, Nereus and his remaining captain’s galloped back to their forces, just avoiding the bombardment of arrows. Alphios chased after Luciaus as he charged toward his men, unaware that Lucentius was already giving the order to retreat. Galba’s forces however had already begun to attack. Screaming and charging, they attacked Lucaius’s men from behind, all of them completely oblivious to the situation.

“Luciaus, they’re attacking our men! My god” Cried Marcus as they rode like the wind.

“Keep going, we must reach them!” Replied Lucaius.

Roman’s were impaling their fellow comrades, slicing them from shoulder to thigh. Hundreds of Lucaius’s men found themselves with a spear forcing its way through their chests and stomachs. It was a sickening sight as innocent blood and flesh was falling to the ground. Evading from being cut, some of the men were grabbed by the back of the head and slammed into the soaked mud. Choking and swallowing pieces of muck, they painfully drowned and suffocated. Lucentius was panicking, Lucaius’s soldiers were unable to hear his commands to retreat, and it was chaos. Suddenly, from the corner of his eye, Lucentius noticed a large object charging his way. Acting as fast as he could, Lucentius quickly grabbed the attacking cavalry’s spear, about to pierce his face, and through him to the ground. The rider hit the ground hard; head first, nearly killing him instantly. Lucentius quickly jumped on his back and twisted his neck almost right off. Rising to his feet, Lucentius mounted the mans horse and drew his sword slicing another attacker across his chest. He knew he had to act, the time had come, and too many had already been slaughtered. Shouting as loud as he possibly could, Lucentius addressed the army one more time.

“MEN OF THE II AUGUSTUS LEGIONS, RETREEEEAT!” Lucentius raised his sword high in the air so the men could see him commanding them to escape. “Retreat to the centre of the field, go go go!” Most of the men were quick to turn and take off, but the others were confused in the madness, only to be murdered.

“I can’t believe it, our men are retreating right to us. Captains, prepare to rejoin with the men. Alphios, once we regroup, lead the way. We ride to meet Nereus.” Instructed Lucaius.

Soon they met with the army and were greeted by Lucentius, covered in blood.

“Lucentius? You did this?” Asked Lucaius.

“Yes sir, but I’m afraid many of your men have been killed. I tried to tell them sir, but they couldn’t hear me.”

“Lucentius my brother, you did your duty and more, and for that I thank you. For now, lets get these men to safety, then we have much to discuss my friend.”

_ _ _ _ _ _

“What is going on? Why are they retreating?” Yelled Galba who was worried his plan was ruined.

“Sir, someone ordered them to retreat, but it’s too hard to make out.” The guard paused for a moment, trying to see through the thick rain and fog. “THERE SIR!” He was pointing at Lucentius joining with Lucaius at the centre of the battlefield. “It’s Lucentius my lord. He’s was commanding the men. They’ve reached Lucaius sir”

“Lucentius you betraying fool! You will pay for this you bastard!” Galba screamed across the field trying to reach Lucentius. Obviously it was too far of a distance, but that didn’t matter to Galba as he was overtaken with anger and disgust.

“SIR! The enemy is also retreating.” Informed the same guard.

Suddenly, Galba realized that the battle was out of his control. The enemy had begun their retreat, and Lucaius’s men were almost out of danger. The reinforcements from Sagesta were unseen, and unable to catch the enemy as they fled the area. He then gave the order to stand down, furious with the outcome, and furious with Sagesta’s reinforcements.

“Should I order the archers to fire sir?” Adeodatus thought it a perfect time to strike at the retreating Roman’s.

“That isn’t necessary Adeodatus.” Replied Galba, too tired and frustrated to carry on. “I must first speak with Caesar, and receive my orders. Captains, see to it that your men are fed and rested. They’re going to need their strength.”

“Yes sir!” Obeyed the Captains.
_ _ _ _ _ _

As the armies left the field, all that remained was Roman blood and dismembered bodies, lying about like hunted animals. Nearly 2000 of Lucaius’s men had been murdered, piled into a hole, and burnt. As the rain persisted, the fire was slow, and the smell was horrendous. Rome was disgraced, and now the time had come for Nero to face a new enemy, General Lucaius Decimus, a more than worthy adversary. As Lucaius and his men travelled north, the fear for their families consumed them. Something would have to be done to ensure their survival, as Nero would do anything to destroy them.

To be continued.....

HMMMM, why is no one reading?

[This message has been edited by Undefeatable (edited 12-02-2005 @ 04:26 PM).]

Replies:
posted 22 November 2005 17:29 EDT (US)     1 / 34  
I was enthralled in this story. It is really great. You must continue you it. Your characters are really interesting.
posted 23 November 2005 08:50 EDT (US)     2 / 34  
Thank you very much Natethegreat90. I will continue it, dont worry
posted 23 November 2005 12:38 EDT (US)     3 / 34  
excellant. Is this later roman army or imperial? Either way this is very good.

"It's not true. Some have great stories, pretty stories that take place at lakes with boats and friends and noodle salad. Just no one in this car. But, a lot of people, that's their story. Good times, noodle salad. What makes it so hard is not that you had it bad, but that you're that pissed that so many others had it good." Jack Nicholson
posted 23 November 2005 19:00 EDT (US)     4 / 34  
This is stroy is greatly descriptive. I felt like I was right there when Nereus was fighting off the enemy barbarians. Everything was detailed, down to the weapons he wielded. This is great writing!
posted 24 November 2005 10:38 EDT (US)     5 / 34  
Thank you again, it actually took me a long time to finish chapter three, and Im glad you guys like it.

I just wish more people would read and leave feedback. Is the title boring or not catchy or something?

posted 24 November 2005 11:00 EDT (US)     6 / 34  
Thanks for the comment. and your story isgreat, it may be the title im not sure though, it actually got my attention though. but is this the late roman army or imperial. Or does it not really matter? well keep up the stories pelase

"It's not true. Some have great stories, pretty stories that take place at lakes with boats and friends and noodle salad. Just no one in this car. But, a lot of people, that's their story. Good times, noodle salad. What makes it so hard is not that you had it bad, but that you're that pissed that so many others had it good." Jack Nicholson
posted 24 November 2005 11:21 EDT (US)     7 / 34  
misplacedgeneral :: Umm, well I never really thought about it, I kinda just mixed and matched some stuff. In my head, Im picturing Rome with its Caesar: Nero, a main general under Caesar: Galba (who was actually a general under Nero) And many other generals with their own armies, under Galba and Nero. Imperial or late Roman, not sure, Just Nero, then Galba, then Luciaus and the other generals that will come into play.

Does that answer your question? I hope it did.

And if anyone has a character to add to this story, let me know his stats and so on, and Ill put them in.

posted 24 November 2005 11:52 EDT (US)     8 / 34  
I wasnt talking about the generals iw as talking about the actual army. is this such as what trajan had commanded or after severus' soldiers.

"It's not true. Some have great stories, pretty stories that take place at lakes with boats and friends and noodle salad. Just no one in this car. But, a lot of people, that's their story. Good times, noodle salad. What makes it so hard is not that you had it bad, but that you're that pissed that so many others had it good." Jack Nicholson
posted 24 November 2005 12:02 EDT (US)     9 / 34  
Well my knowledge on Roman history is choppy my friend. I was always into the Japanese History until lately. I grew to love the Roman History as well. So maybe if you can, tell me what is the difference between Trajan and Severus???

[This message has been edited by Undefeatable (edited 11-24-2005 @ 02:53 PM).]

posted 24 November 2005 18:25 EDT (US)     10 / 34  
Well trajans army is what most people consider the hay day os the legion. Lorica segmentata gladius pilum and the rectangular shield. Severus was with the palentine and limitae. Bassicly trajan was what you get for roman units later int he game and severus was what you get in BI. But i love your story, for some reason i like to know these thins though, sorry for any problems.

"It's not true. Some have great stories, pretty stories that take place at lakes with boats and friends and noodle salad. Just no one in this car. But, a lot of people, that's their story. Good times, noodle salad. What makes it so hard is not that you had it bad, but that you're that pissed that so many others had it good." Jack Nicholson
posted 24 November 2005 23:08 EDT (US)     11 / 34  
Excellent. There were a few things in the way of grammatical errors, but they were very minor indeed and not even worth mentioning. Hey, nobody's perfect. Again, excellent.

(¯`•._.•[ .:^:. ]•._.•´¯)
¨‘°ºO.:.Oº°‘¨
KaiserWinterfeldt ¨‘°ºO.:.Oº°‘¨
R.I.P. Kayla Renee Winterfeldt & Jet Jetboy Winterfeldt
(¯`•._.•[ .::. ]•._.•´¯)
(¯`•.__.•´¯)
(¯v¯)
posted 25 November 2005 00:13 EDT (US)     12 / 34  
It was a really good story. As KW said, there were grammatical errors and the like in it, but as he also said, nobody is perfect.
posted 25 November 2005 09:15 EDT (US)     13 / 34  
Much appreciated. Thank you guys for checking it out and leaving some feedback. Ya, I've never been perfect at gramatical stuff, I always had the mistakes the teachers would point out, and you would loose marks for. But Im glad you liked the story.

And again, thank you for posting. Ill look forward to reading more of all of yours.

Chapter 4 is coming


misplacedgeneral ::: And to answer your question man, I guess I would consider the army to be Trajan, at least thats how I might picture it. How different are the units in BI?? I have yet to pick that up.

[This message has been edited by Undefeatable (edited 11-25-2005 @ 09:21 AM).]

posted 25 November 2005 10:14 EDT (US)     14 / 34  
Yes I cant wait to read it, and I havnt gotten BI either but the units were now more of a mix with barbarians, they used long swords and oval shields, plus they dropped the pilum in return for the lancea. And yea thats what I pictured them when you were doing your story as, just curious though. keep up the good work

"It's not true. Some have great stories, pretty stories that take place at lakes with boats and friends and noodle salad. Just no one in this car. But, a lot of people, that's their story. Good times, noodle salad. What makes it so hard is not that you had it bad, but that you're that pissed that so many others had it good." Jack Nicholson
posted 25 November 2005 16:28 EDT (US)     15 / 34  
Thanx misplacedgeneral, I started Chapter 4 today, so far its looking like its going to get pretty messy, not the story, but the story line. lol. Im anxious to finish it.
Stay tuned.
posted 25 November 2005 16:47 EDT (US)     16 / 34  
Btw, Undefeatable, Adder has been gracious enough to un-expire my thread here, now you can ask for me there.

(¯`•._.•[ .:^:. ]•._.•´¯)
¨‘°ºO.:.Oº°‘¨
KaiserWinterfeldt ¨‘°ºO.:.Oº°‘¨
R.I.P. Kayla Renee Winterfeldt & Jet Jetboy Winterfeldt
(¯`•._.•[ .::. ]•._.•´¯)
(¯`•.__.•´¯)
(¯v¯)
posted 25 November 2005 17:13 EDT (US)     17 / 34  
Undefeatable don't feel bad because it seems nobody reads your story, many people read it they are just to lazy to leave a message

Btw this story is real good, could I ask you to read mine to

posted 27 November 2005 00:02 EDT (US)     18 / 34  
Haven't read the story yet but here is my feedback.
You have a narcissistic personality and a tendency to interrupt other stories to attract attention to yourself.
It's kind of distasteful. My advice is, let your work stand on its on merit.
Having said that I have to admire your enthusiasm.

..oo{Desolation Khan}oo..
Age, catamite - fac mihi hunc diem felicissimum

i.e. Go ahead, punk - make my day

posted 27 November 2005 03:29 EDT (US)     19 / 34  
Yes, keep writing. You are presenting a well crafted tale, but do not gauge your success by the number of responses received. Inserting requests to read your story in other War Story threads is really not appropriate. Just write for the pure joy of creating something no one else has done before.

ATTACK! This is Total War, not Total Wary!
posted 28 November 2005 08:19 EDT (US)     20 / 34  
Thanx for the advice everyone, points well taken.

Sparty:: (You have a narcissistic personality and a tendency to interrupt other stories to attract attention to yourself.)

Im sorry to disapoint you bud, but Im far from narcissistic! Sorry it seemed that way to you, thats unfortunate. By asking people to read my stuff may be un-ethical, and for that, I apologize to you all, I was simply unaware. Just trying to get feedback about the quality of my writing, curious and anxious is all. I only ask people to read because Im always reading everyones and when I take the time to write one, and No one is leaving feedback, it seems like no one is reading it. Kinda disapointing.

But, all of your advice is noted, and appreciated. Except for the NARCISSISTIC comment, lol. Thats not appreciated, actually, it kinda pissed me off.

posted 28 November 2005 12:09 EDT (US)     21 / 34  
Tarquinius :: I will read yours man, and I have read some. I think I left you a comment, but if I didnt. You writing is amazing man, your story Marcus is awsome. I look forward to more from you always. Keep up the great writing!
posted 28 November 2005 12:27 EDT (US)     22 / 34  
Unde,

Your story is trully turning into an epic. I loved this last battle, very bloody man. Reminds me of my high denarii games on huge scale. VERY GOOD WORK, man. Keep writing!

posted 29 November 2005 16:37 EDT (US)     23 / 34  
Lorentius Vadis :: Thanx for the advice, and I will stop doing that guys.

Antigonus :: Thank you for your comment. Much appreciated. Actually, I think it might turn into an epic because im only on chapter 4 and I have so much in my head. SO MUCH, lol. I just hope I dont forget some of the ideas I have. But again, thank you very much. And i look forward to reading more of your dude.

posted 29 November 2005 17:38 EDT (US)     24 / 34  
Undeafeatable, I find your story very griping. I just started reading it but I love it. As for replies, I know it is the most annoying thing ever to have little or no replies. But as someone else said, there is always ppl who don;t reply but still read it. I still have ppl telling me now that they read the Cador series a couple of months ago that I never knew existed!

Your story is very nice! I can picture it. But please, it is annoying, very annoying when you ask ppl to reply to your story. Use vasta or Lv as a model, they just post thier stories for fun and look at what they are now. Stories are not measured by how many replies you get though. A good story is just that, a good story. So good luck and know that I shall be reading it!


"The Best defence is a good attack".
But if I don't hold my tongue, it would fall out!-KaiserWinterfelt
posted 30 November 2005 16:47 EDT (US)     25 / 34  
King_Of_War :: Thank you for posting a comment. And about the asking people to read thing, dont worry, Im stopping from doing that. Some others already told me its un-ethical, and I completely understand.

Again, thank you for the comment. And I must add that your story is amazing dude. Anyway, stay tuned for chapter 4, as it is so far becoming pretty crazy. Thanx again!


« Previous Page  1 2  Next Page »
Total War Heaven » Forums » Bardic Circle - War Stories & AAR forum » The Battles For Freedom: Chapter 3. Im finally done, check it
Top
You must be logged in to post messages.
Please login or register
Hop to:    
Total War Heaven | HeavenGames