So... You have come to hear the tale of how I lost my marbles.

And if you didn't, why'd you open this thread? C'mon man, it's in the freaking title. You're not very good at reading, are you?

*ahem*

Anyway, before I begin, I must warn you that this delves quite a bit into my past, and thus you may not look at me the same way again after reading this. I dunno, I've never been good at predicting other people's reactions to what I say, but I figured I'd just throw that out there.

So, enough beating around the bush. Let's get to it.

This story takes us back to spring of 2000. Yeah, remember that time? Well I don't, because I was three years old at the time. I still know the exact date, though. How, you ask? Because that's the birthday of my only sibling, my younger brother.

Now, before I proceed, a quick disclaimer: I love my brother and wouldn't trade him for anything in the world. Don't let anything I'm about to say misguide you.

That said, there's two things you need to know about my brother. The first thing became apperent immediately after his birth, or even a little while before that; he wasn't entirely... normal, so to speak. He had an extra chromosome in his 21st pair, a condition we usually refer to as down syndrome. To go on top of that, he has dyspraxia, a neurological disorder that hampers his learning in finer movement and speech- which indirectly means that he learns everything even slower than the average down syndrome child, since it can take quite some time to get him to understand something. It's a very odd experience to have a brother like that, because you don't really get to play the usual big brother role. I can't help him with his problems, our levels of comprehension are leagues apart which only gets worse over time, you can't really have an in-depth conversation with him (he understands simple yes/no questions most of the time, but even then we can never be sure), you can't play games together (unless you like intentionally losing at memory card games)...

But I'm getting off track. Where was I?

Ah, yes. The second thing you need to know about my brother that's relevant to this story is something I learned when he turned two years old. You see, as it turned out, he freakin' loves watching television. When he discovered it, he would do nothing but watch tv for hours on end. Of course, I was still five, so I wasn't much different. But as I moved on to other things- video games, primarily- he stuck to watching tv, day in, day out.

Now on to the kicker. What happens when you put these two factors together? Very slow learning plus love for tv shows... It means that he's easily satisfied with watching the same episode of a show twice in a row. Or three times. Or four. Or five. Or maybe just fifteen. It just doesn't bore him. He accumulates new information so slowly that the repetition just doesn't bother him. But that's not all. Most kids, when they grow older, start watching new shows to accomodate for their psychological aging. My brother, however, ages very, very... very slowly. And as such, he doesn't need to watch new shows. The old ones will do fine. You wanna know how bad it is? I remember it even now, the show that he first started watching when he turned two. So many years did that show entertain him to no end. How many years exactly? I don't know! Because he still watches it to this day. I can hear it as I write, in fact.

Do you realise how excrucatingly dull it is to a developing mind like mine to be fed the same information year after year after year? It's been twelve years, and he just won't. stop. watching that show. Thankfully, he started watching other shows over the years (for the same target age as the first one, mind), but that's only temporary mercy; those too got engraved into my skull from sheer repetition in time.

What didn't help either is that my brother just plain ol' loves playing music as loud as possible. And that's really, really loud. My parents and I have warned him so many times that he'll make himself deaf one of these days, but he's just too stubborn to listen. His music can be heard loud and clear everywhere in the house, and I'm pretty sure the neighbours can join in the fun too. I stupidly sank some of my hard-earned money into speakers when I bought this computer, which I don't ever get to use because I have to use this headset at all times if I want to hear anything at all. Do you know why I can only use my mic during skype calls at very specific times? Because those are the times that my brother isn't around! It'd be utterly impossible to make myself comprehensible over that volume, not to mention that it would disrupt the conversation entirely.

It also clears up why I don't seem to have watched any movies, like, at all. The tv is always occupied during the day. And when my brother goes to bed, my parents are just about dying to plop down on the couch and watch whatever. I'm fine with that, I can amuse myself with video games just as well, but watching tv is just never an option, unless I'm sick or home alone (or both). We have other tvs, of course, but those don't watch comfortably and have pretty tiny screens, being pretty cheap and just placed wherever there's space (like, just below the ceiling in the corner so you have to crane your neck up to see it).

Oh, and it's always christmas over here. And Sinterklaas too. He hopes that listening to those songs every day will make the day where presents suddenly materialise on the doorstep come faster. We already explained to him that it doesn't work like that, but he's stubborn as a mule, I tell you. I kinda find it funny when people complain over hearing christmas songs a month or two early, or that neighbour who neglected to put down his decorations until mid-february. Welcome to my world. Falalalala la-fvckin'-la.

Now you're probably wondering to yourself: "But how does this all connect to your relentless, black hatred for MLP and bronies?" Well, you see, I try my best to ignore my brother's music and shouting (yeah, he likes singing along. And combine that with his poor speech...), by distracting my mind with something else. Like, say, play video games, browse the internet... But then I encounter a group of people who are... you guessed it... completely obsessed with another. Fvcking. Kid's show. Do you have ANY idea how annoying it is to think you finally escaped something that chronically torments you, and then this happens? There's no place in heaven high where I may crawl away and die... And it doesn't help that bronies are ab-so-lute-ly EVERYWHERE. Like, if they fit in my kitchen cupboards, I bet I'd find them there too.

So I try to contain them somewhere where I won't have to see them constantly, but of course, if bronies are not discussing MLP, they're trolling people. And thus the struggle of the ages began, neither side willing to back down. It looks like I finally managed to get the situation under control, and ultimately I even had some fun crossing blades with Moff along the way.

But besides annoying me, there's one more thing about bronies that ticks me off... And that is that they baffle me. They defy everything I know. After so many years, it has become quite apperent to me that kid's shows are where writers are dumped who have absolutely NO creative flair; where failed careers are dragged towards and then shot. That's the only explanation! They all copy each other, never trying anything new, just dumping whatever wacky ideas they have, tack some trite morals about friendship and helping each other onto it, and boom! It doesn't MATTER that it's not creative, because the target audience doesn't have any experience in media and thus has no taste for quality. They'll eat anything up you'll throw at them. I mean, it's not like there's people who are forced to analyze our low-effort garbage day after day for twelve years, right? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha... hah.

So how come that bronies not only willingly watch crap like that, but like, nay, love it? En masse? How?! You can't call such a large group a fluke succes. How?! If this many people found a quality in kid's shows that I couldn't find in twelve years, then what does that make me? I don't. Flippin'. Get it.

*pant* *pant* *pant*

So I'm stuck here, probably going to watch kid's shows some more for the next five years or so. Autism's a bitch, you look up to life changes such as living by yourself like a brick wall. I need to build up to that, school already provides me with a lot of stress. Until then... *sigh* I guess we go find out why it's so fun to have friends by your side. And then we'll do it again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again.

And tomorrow we'll do it alllll over again! Nighty-night.

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So, because I'm a complete idiot, I agreed to watch six episodes of MLP, so that I can say I gave it an honest try and so I can show exactly why I believe it sucks balls. After four episodes, I sold my soul for a free copy of Kerbal Space Program and am now obliged to watch another eight episodes on top of that (for a total of fourteen). If you're interested in seeing a crazy person scream at his monitor because people on the internet told him to stare at cartoon ponies for a few hours, keep reading.

Episodes reviewed:

Friendship is Magic, Part One
Fremdshep is Stoopid Mahjick, Part Too
The Ticked Master
Suited for Success
Feeling Pinkie Keen
Sonic Rainboom
Party of One
The Best Night Ever
Return of Harmony, Part One
Rhuturn ov Hawrmonee, Part Too
The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000
A Canterlot Wedding, Part One
A Kenterlawt Wuddin, Part Too
Winter Wrap up

[This message has been edited by Lord Sipia (edited 03-21-2015 @ 09:40 AM).]